Due to unforseen chemistry experiments gone awry (the reason for today's multiple fire drills, I'm told) none of the Langers got the chance to nail down a solid thesis statement. We did have some good brainstorming sessions in each class, however, and we made some progress in each period.
Period 9/10 had the brilliant and insightful Megan Coburn who came up with a jazzy little ditty that we'll ruminate more on here.
Period 11 had JW steppin' up to the plate and delivering what sounded to be a homerun statement--also which we will ruminate more on here.
Period 12 saw Mikey, with his usual style and grace, working up a sound and cogent intellectual proposition. Also one which will be batted around here.
So, as soon as the three of them post what they had in class today, we can begin the discussion. I will log back on periodically to check on the progress and to make the final decision about each period's thesis statement.
PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU SHARE INFORMATION WITH ONE ANOTHER. IF YOUR FRIEND COULDN'T LOG ONTO BLOGGER TONIGHT, PLEASE TELL THEM WHAT YOUR PERIOD'S THESIS STATEMENT IS, BECAUSE IF HE/SHE DOESN'T HAVE IT, HE/SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO WRITE TOMORROW (2/21/08).
Also, in case I didn't get a chance to fully explain what I am looking for, I just want to remind you that the biggest thing I want you all to focus on is your transitions between ideas and your development of those ideas. Don't limit yourselves to one dimensional thoughts that can be explained in a 7-8 sentence paragraph. Consider the "Breaking Through" article as you write: remember how many smaller ideas she had yoked into one big one? It was multi-dimensional--one larger idea and a bunch of different perspectives and smaller ideas. Try doing that and please feel free to refer to "Breaking Through" as you are writing.
The biggest thing is DON'T PANIC. I know this is new and a little scary for some of you, and we are going to workshop this essay until you feel comfortable with it, so there is no pressure. Good Luck! See you all Monday. Oh--and don't forget the real blog is due Friday!
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28 comments:
Because of their ability to manipulate society's actions....
Because it manipulates people's actions by provoking both healthy and unhealthy competition and elevating motivation, rewarding certain types of behavior has been integrated within American culture.
Because of their ability to manipulate society's actions....the *levels of effectiveness are elevated to satisfy the beneficiaries and adversaries.
*levels? anybody agree disagree?
i also thought of trying to use something with techniques.
we got this guys!
JW sounds good to me...
You guys are good.
D-rell, levels is the best choice I think, but beneficiaries and adversaries are not exactly opposite things, which is what I think you were going for.
Because of their ability to manipulate society's actions, rewards serve as strong motivation to dictate one's level of effectiveness by means of positive reinforcement.
Okay 12th period, this is a somewhat revised version of Mikey's thesis:
Reward systems are used as a source of motivation; the strategic manipulation with incentives can dictate human behavior.
I sort of think it should be more, but i'm not sure what...maybe:
Reward systems are used as a source of positive and negative motivation; incentive-driven manipulation can dictate human behavior.
I'm not sure if i like the hyphenated part, I'm just thinking still...
hiiii 12th period:) I think that Hannah's thesis was really well-written and to the point. Christine, I like yours too, I just don't know about the positive/negative part. I think that it should be one strong point, not an in the middle or could go either way point.
Reward systems are used as a source of motivation;incentive-driven manipulation can dictate human behavior.
if you mix both Hannah and Christines I think it sounds perfect
Yeah, I like that idea. I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be able to flip-flop or not, but I like it better shorter, too. It sounds more workable, like it can go either way, but still be strong.
Reward systems are used as a source of motivation;incentive-driven manipulation can dictate human behavior.
Christine i really like your thesis
Reward systems are used as a source of motivation;incentive-driven manipulation can dictate human behavior.
it's almost the same as Hannah's but think this one encompasses the ambiguity strategies Bunje was talking about today. I could kinda see myself writing a sufficient essay on that thesis.
Because of their ability to manipulate society's actions, rewards serve as practical deviceces to dictate human behavior.
I don't know I thought I would put it out there.
i like it, im just not a fan of the semicolon. maybe something like
Reward systems are used as a source of motivation and this incentive-driven manipulation can dictate human behavior.
or ...and the resulting incentive-driven....
like michelle said i think we could write a pretty good essay from the mikey/christine/danielle thesis.
Here is my thesis statement that everyone saw in period 12:
Reward systems are used as a source of motivation; the strategic use of manipulation with incentives can dictate human behavior.
I am sorry! I just got home from work. I worked 5 hours and made $9! I'm going to kill my manager.
ok here's mikey's:
Reward systems are used as a source of motivation; the strategic use of manipulation with incentives can dictate human behavior.
i like the other one but i kind of like the strategic use in this one. i'm not sure if it really fits though.
I posted mine first.
okay so i wasnt in class today so i'm not fully aware of topic but obviously it has somethin to do wit rewards...
rewards can have adverse effects of different groups and serve as practical device to compensate beings for performing effieciently and can serve as a manipulation tactic.whether or not the effects of rewards is postive varies...
idk i suck i just wanted to feel like i contributed alittle i pulled from what people wrote on blogger
I think I like Laina's idea of putting and in there. It really can be used either way but it seems to flow a bit better like that...
Reward systems are used as a source of motivation and this incentive-driven manipulation can dictate human behavior.
or ...and the resulting incentive-driven....
^like Laina said.
REVISED 2
rewards can have adverse effects of different groups and may serves as practical device to compensate beings for performing effieciently and it can also be used as a manipulation tactic.even though the rewards system can have negative effects it has been adapted into American Culture.
Period 11
Because it molds people's actions by provoking both healthy and unhealthy competition and elevating motivation, the rewarding of certain behaviors has been integrated into our own cultural identity.
I like this one. Yay or Nay?
I agree with Christine and Laina. I like Laina's thesis.
I agree with everything my buds in 12th period have said. I would say that I like Laina's version of the thesis the best, though. I like the thesis because you can go either way with it - positive or negative. Would "implemented" sound good in place of "used"? Or would that detract from what we're saying?
And my user name looks like "jacket." Just wanted to point that out.
period 11 is full of slackers
OK--I love that you guys really put your hearts into this--and we will continue to work exactly like we've been doing because you all rock my socks! For tomorrow's essay though, please use the following thesis statements:
Per 9/10: Because of their ability to manipulate society's actions, rewards serve as strong motivation to dictate one's level of effectiveness by means of positive reinforcement.
Per 11: Because it molds people's actions by provoking both healthy and unhealthy competition and elevating motivation, the rewarding of certain behaviors has been integrated into our own cultural identity.
Per 12: Reward systems are used as a source of motivation;incentive-driven manipulation can dictate human behavior.
NOTE: If you don't like the semicolon, take it out and replace it with a conjunction.
All of your ideas were sound and I know a good many of you are still hung up on the idea of ambiguity in a thesis statement. I don't think I explained it well enough today because of the wacko fire drills anad subsequent timing issues, but I will try to clarify what I mean when I get back to you all on Monday. Until then, go with these 3 thesis statements and rock out. See you soon.
Lunar eclipse! Ooo! Ahhh!
Oh yess, a nice blog to come home to after work :) Thank you class(es) and I'm sorry i couldn't contribute more to the thesis. I saw the lunar eclipse as well, it was beautiful!
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