Over the past few months, we have begun the process of trying to make sense of who we are, what we believe and what morals, values and ideas we are trying to develop. Doing this, while sometimes extremely stressful and dare I say even aggravating, is an integral part of determining our place in the world. For those of you sitting at your computers week after week, cursing me to the fiery pits of the abyss for coming up with questions that make your brains bleed, please know that the reasons above are my motivation. Now, with that said, onto this week's brain blaster!
In your own words, ones that make the most sense to you, define for me the idea of "fear." It means different things to different people; what does it mean to you? What is your biggest fear? What keeps you awake at night? Is whatever your fear now the same as it was when you were a sophomore, a freshmen, an eighth-grader? How has the idea of fear evolved for you? What do you notice about the evolution? From where do you think this fear comes? How do you deal with it? Don't be scared--once it's here, it's out of you! (450-500 words/60pts)
104 comments:
I'm afraid that I am the first to post, ladies and gents.
Fear is a powerful word. Fear can be used to send even the biggest and strongest people cowering into a corner and crying for their mommies. Fear to me is something that you refuse to look at or even come in contact with. Fear could also be said to be something that you refuse to accept as a reality. I fell that I have both of these fears. My main fear is of spiders. I am scared to death of them. I refuse to watch movies like “Eight legged freaks” or any other movie like that. I also refuse to touch or hold or look at any kind of spider no matter how big or how small the spider happens to be. My other fear has to do with dying I am not afraid of death to any degree. I am joining the armed forces, and it is not a matter of if but a matter of when how and which one. My greatest fear is dying and I am worried about how my loved ones would hold up when I am gone. Don’t consider this a way of making myself out to be strong cause I’m not afraid of dying. If I was in war I would be afraid but I know that if am going to die I’m going to die and I’m not worried about it.
I am afraid of the realization of the fact that I am not a person worthy enough to live. I think that is why I try to put myself in positions where I have to work so hard. I always take a challenge whenever I have one put upon me. I will never turn it down because I need to prove to everyone but especially myself that I am not just a waste of air.
I just want to say something about Jake’s comment and it goes a little like this I’m afraid that I am the first to truly post ladies and gents.
Fear- an unpleasant, often strong, emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger (courtesy of Merriam-Webster Online). I think this definition is better than anything I could have come up with. Fear is never a pleasant emotion, at least usually. And I think there’s levels of fear. Fear is like watching a horror movie, where you know in the back of your mind that nothing is going to hurt you, but you’re still anticipating bad things in the movie. But there’s definitely deeper fear than that. Feeling deeper fear is like being the one locked in the house with no way out with Michael Myers knowing he’s not going to stop looking for your until you’re dead. Okay fear might not always be that extreme, but it’s just an example.
My biggest fear right now is the future. I know it’s a really broad subject, but I’m so afraid of not getting into the college I want, not being able to decide on a major, not getting the job I want, not making enough money, the list could go on forever. I mean, we’re all AP kids, and we all want to go to college (as far as I know). I know we’re all scared about the future. For me, I think the biggest component driving my fear is the uncertainty of it all. I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I don’t really like that.
I definitely have different fears than I did when I was in eighth grade. I was still scared of high school, but it was more excitement mixed with anticipation than straight-up fear. When I was in eighth grade, I was a little paranoid. Okay, a lot paranoid. I was positive that someone was going to break into my house in the middle of the night and kill my whole family, including me. I would literally stay up all night listening for any sort of noise coming from downstairs. My eyelids would be wide open, staring at the ceiling of my room. I was careful not to move too much, because then the noise I was making would mask any noise from downstairs. Now this didn’t happen every night, but I would estimate I would stay up until at least one in the morning maybe twice to three times a week. At one point, it got so bad that I actually brought my softball bat up to my room and slept with it under my bed for a good week and a half. My mom yelled at me when she found it under my bed while vacuuming one day. I didn’t bring the bat upstairs again. After a while though, I just stopped staying up. I stayed up less and less until I wasn’t staying up anymore.
Well, my fear has evolved because I’m not paranoid anymore. I don’t think some crazed serial killer is out to get me and my family. I don’t have the urge to keep my eyelids plastered open all night anymore, except for those few nights when I’m trying to fall asleep after scaring myself silly watching a horror movie. I honestly don’t know where that particular fear came from. I’m just glad I don’t have to go without sleep anymore- that is, unless I don’t have hours upon hours of homework to do, usually caused by my never-failing procrastination.
However, I do still have to deal with my huge fear of the future. I find there is only one way for me to deal with this fear- writing about it. I just open a new Word document and type until I get everything out that’s bothering me. It’s the only thing that works, and I’m sticking with it.
Responding to Blake's comment, I think it's a good thing that you're not afraid to die. I don't think you would be able to do your job in the service as well if the fear of dying was always on your mind.
Okay I just wrote what I think the definition is, about 6 times. This is what I think I came up with: Fear – an emotion evoked when you’re scared something bad will happen to you. This includes uneasiness or anxiety from physical harm or danger; also, being afraid of the unpredictable in life. I believe that all of these aspects make up fear and what people are afraid of.
I have somewhat of an irrational fear. One of my big concerns when I go to sleep is that there must be no open windows (or doors if I’m downstairs.) My bedroom is upstairs and my house is really old, so the windows go from basically the ceiling to the floor. I am actually deathly afraid that someone is going to climb into my window or even break into my house and try to kidnap/kill me. It sounds crazy, especially when I live in Mullica, but it’s true. I can never watch those Law&Order shows when people are abducted because it just freaks me out that it will happen to me. I hate being home alone and never take showers alone because you can’t hear if something is going on. I’m probably just a little paranoid, but it is just something I’ve always been afraid of. Something else that is somewhat childish to go along with this is that I am still afraid of the dark, more-so outside. Parents always use the cliché that there is nothing there in the dark that isn’t there in the light. Well, if I was walking down the stairs or outside and there was someone across from me, I would see them in the light, but not in the dark. This partially goes along with my kidnap fear, but I just fear the dark so much because you never know what could be there. I also think that there is another kind of fear. The fear of not succeeding or that something will go wrong. I think that people are afraid of a lot of things that they can’t control. I know that no matter how many AP classes I take or what my class rank is, I am still scared I’ll be stuck at ACCC because I won’t mail the applications on time or I just won’t get into college. I fear that once I’m there I won’t thrive because I’m still somewhat undecided on a major. Mostly, that probably boils down to that fact that I’m scared I won’t do well.
I think that my fears have somewhat changed since I was in eighth-grade. The college one of course has changed. I wasn’t stressed about getting into a good school when I was 13. I think I was more scared that the Davies kids wouldn’t like me and that I would be late to my first class and get a detention on the first day of high school. However, the needles, the dark thing and the being abducted or kidnapped in the middle of the night has not changed. From a freshman and a sophomore until now, I don’t think my fears have changed much. The part about succeeding in life and actually doing well has intensified a little, but other than that they are relatively the same; and I’m sure they will change or get stronger between now and this time next year.
I think my fears have evolved over the years – not necessarily the past two or three, but definitely since middle or even elementary school. When we were littler, our biggest fears were cooties , spelling tests, the dentist, and then school. Obviously, between then and now we have grown and our fears have deepened, but to us on the same level they are still the same. That is one point I think is really important, that our have the same intensity no matter what age we are. They just fluctuate as we get older, so they don’t seem as bad. To a third grader, the dentist is REALLY scary. And now to us, college is probably REALLY scary. They may be totally different fears, but in proportion to the age, they are pretty much on the same level.
As I said before, I think fear comes both from the things you know and what you don’t know. If you know you are going to war, you’ll be scared because it’s dangerous. If you don’t know whether you were accepted to your dream college, you’ll fear the answer because it may be rejection. You get over your fears by facing them, no matter how hard it is sometimes or how much you don’t want to. Some people never get over their fears because they never want to face them. Personally, I’m okay living with being a little scared.
And Hannah, I wrote my blog before I read yours because I’ve been working on it since 4:30 and really wanted to be first! But anyway, yes I have the same fear as you and it’s still a fear. It is not so dramatic that I would being a baseball bat to my room, probably because I wouldn’t have the strength to beat someone off with it…Nevertheless, it is still a fear and it still kind of creeps me out. So good for you that you got over it, but it will probably take me a little longer.
FEAR. Bunje wrote in the list of blog questions that fear has more than one meaning to everyone. On dictionary.com it says fear-a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. I would completely agree with this definition, but I have to say that this idea of fear isn't always the case. I'm trying to think of what I really fear and right now I can't think of a major phobia. I don't freak out when I see a spider on my bathroom wall..cough cough ERIN cough..I'm not deathly afraid of heights, and I don't mind rollercoasters, yet I do still have a form of fear even if it doesn't comply with dictionary.com's definition. When I think of fear and what truly makes my hands and chest tighten, I think of a situation that gets my blood pumping and my heart pounding. This may sound surprising, but it's true. My dad and I are really close and I know I can tell him anything, yet sometimes when it comes to boys I get this "fear" feeling. I can't just go up to him and start talking about my date last night because he's my dad. I guess that's why I have such trusting relationships with Erin, Leslie, and Gracie because I know they wouldn't spill my secrets.
It's hard to put a pin on my biggest fear. Right now it would have to be performing in Ragtime. It's my first time getting a lead in a play and I want to do a good job. That's only a small fear though. I guess what keeps me up at night is getting through high school knowing that I'm doing the right thing, doing the best I can do. I know what I'm capable of and I don't want to disappoint myself or my dad with who I'm becoming. My dad left to go on a dirtbiking trip with my Uncle in Mexico and California so before he left, he gave me my Valentine's Day card. It said he's so proud of who I've become and how I've grown up and he couldn't be happier. After that my fear kinda drained a little from my brain. I don't doubt or regret anything I've said I believe in and follow and I know that's what makes me who I am.
I never really thought about how fear can change as you get older. In kinder garden I feared getting on the bus and having to sit with someone I didn't know and now that's the least of my worries. I feared who would be my first kiss, my first real boyfriend, and now I fear college and if I'm making the most out of my high school years. And it's not neccessarily that I feared these emotions, it's that I was anxious for it to occur. The only way to deal with fear is to take it as it comes. I guess you can say I'm scared to grow up, but I already have done some growing up and I've gotten through those moments just like I'm going to get through college and whatever else my life has in store for me.
I didn't read Hannah's blog before I wrote my own, but college is a scary thing. I'm sure everyone of us "AP kids" are freaking out about college, but I think that should be our biggest fear right now. Our future is important, but not knowing what's going to happen a year and a half from now is SO SCARY, just as Hannah says.
To me fear is a distressing emotion that brews inside of a person making them inclined to stay away from certain things or react in certain ways to a stimulus. For example, you may have a fear of spiders which would be something you are inclined to stay away from or you may experience fear when watching a scary movie and something jumps out at you (which would be the stimulus) which causes a reaction, like you screaming.
Personally I am afraid of a few things, some I have come to realize more recently. I completely agree with Hannah. I, too, am afraid of the future. I don’t like not knowing what is in store for me. I don’t like thinking that a plan I could have may be changed by so many factors. Of course my closest fear is the college part of the future, like Hannah talks about. Not knowing where I will get in and whether I will be truly happy where I end up. From my severe case of indecision, I have come to fear making wrong choices as well probably as a want to not disappoint myself or my parents. I am very much a planner and I like to think things through almost too much at times. This fear ties in with my fear of the future because I want to make sure that I’m happy with whatever I do, which I know I will end up being, but it still scares me that I might not be. I also have fears of heights and needles. Heights I have just never felt really comfortable with I think because I can not control myself if I fall, which again goes back to my fear of not having control. I think my fear of needles comes from just not liking them so much that I absolutely dread having to get a shot or get blood taken. I’ve more recently come across my biggest fear and that is death. Not so much death for myself, but the death of others. I am horribly afraid of dying before my spouse and being forced to live alone in a house that I have shared with my husband for years and years. I guess I fear this because I fear being alone in my old age. I absolutely hate that death has to be a way of life. It scares me, especially with my sick grandmother most likely not being around much longer and leaving my grandfather alone after fifty plus years of being married. I fear what that must feel like to be suddenly left alone. I guess I fear the effect that death has on that person’s loved ones more than actually fearing death. Also, I am really afraid of being scared. I do not like scary movies and I absolutely HATE when things jump out at me, even if its not in the dark or after a scary movie.
I think that my fears haven’t really changed all that much since I’ve been in high school, but they have since middle school. I’ve always been afraid of the future, or I guess you could say overly conscious of the success I needed to achieve in order to be successful in the future. This has just intensified much more as my future has gotten closer. I used to have this reoccurring dream of Captain Hook coming into my house and fighting me but winning and then killing my family, it used to keep me up at night. But thankfully I have gotten over that fear. I also used to have a fear of leaving my windows open, as Christine mentions, but for me it didn’t matter what floor of the house I was on, I would not sleep if my windows were open. That, too, I have grown out of. I’ve noticed that this evolution has gone from seeming meaningless things to more real, prominent worries that really do effect our lives not just something like someone killing us at night.
I really don’t know where these fears come from. I know that my fears tend to be the things I worry about the most but I don’t know why they scare me so much, hopefully that’s something I will come to understand in coming years. For now, I just deal with my fears in the only way I know how and that’s just to deal with the aspects of that fear that I can control and try to avoid it as much as possible.
Fear is an emotion that we can all live without at times but in desperate need of when we get in sticky situations. It’s what gets your adrenaline pumping and your mind start racing. It may even make you pee your pants or spoil you panties. But fear, overall is the imminent feeling of dread because of some circumstance. I like Merriam-Webster’s use of “anticipation or awareness.” And as dictionary.com says, it may be “real or imagined.” But either way it is an all-consuming emotion that makes you nervous beyond all (well most) reason.
After watching Hard Candy today (I was so obliged to after reading the article), I completely fear a little fourteen year old Juno gone mad cutting my balls out of my scrotum (sorry). And then on top of that, having to choose which one she should snip first. Man she is psycho in that movie. But castration aside, I honestly don’t have any monstrous fears that draw my attention. I have a slight case of claustrophobia at times but am fine with it most of the time. I think most people have that. I have no fear of intruders like Christine (we don’t ever lock our house). And I’m not afraid of the future one bit like Hannah or Brittany. And absolutely nothing keeps me awake at night except my hot room even when it’s 10o outside. Sort of like Rebecca, I am afraid of not doing my best. I’m fine if I fail and tried hard, but if I disappointed someone, I hate the shame.
Well in eighth grade I thought I had no fears whatsoever. I tried to kill any fear I had, and it worked to some degree. I can walk around a pitch-black alley probably unmoved unless if I saw somebody. Freshmen and sophomore year I don’t even remember my fears. My fear of disappointment has pretty much been with me since 5th grade and it motivates me. It definitely has changed and morphed to whatever the circumstance is at whatever time. Fifth grade I might have wanted to be the best friend I could be and do my best at school and now I want to excel at sports and school and friends….so it hasn’t changed much. But this evolution has just shown that I adapt to my circumstances. And I guess this fear comes from my parents as motivation, originally, and eventually just comes from everyone who expects me to do well. Once people know you can succeed, they expect nothing less than the best. And I hate disappointing people.
The petty fears that all kids have, I had. But I laughed at them and pretended I didn’t. I guess I still do, I know that I just have to try and I will do well. But doing my best is hard to come by. I’m not easily motivated and that’s always what I desire. “Play with fire,” Ryan Cheek once called it, but I rarely do. I guess that’s another fear. But that’s how I deal, shrug it off. I try to be motivated and do my best, and if it doesn’t happen, I’m usually afraid of letting people (or myself) down that I do it anyway.
I think the definition Becca gave from dictionary.com is really on the mark. I know I am deathly afraid of heights, but I can slowly deal with it. Like, when I'm about to get on a rollercoaster, thats when my stomach ties in knots, and my hands start to shake. But once I'm over the hill and flying down, the butterflies go away and I'm somewhat over my fear. So, I think real fears go much deeper than that, more emotionally.
I don't have an exact "biggest fear." Nothing stands out more than all the others. I know for sure that I do stress over many little fears. Each night before I go to sleep, I always need about an hour to just lay in bed and think. An hour usually multiplies and I'm wrapped up in panicking over a tremendous amount of fears. I'm afraid of losing people. I always think of how lucky I am to have the friends and family that I have, and sometimes it crosses my mind that in any moment I could lose them. This scares me so much, because I know how I would react. I'm not exactly the strongest person, and I would hate to know what it was like to lose someone so extremely close. I would hate to know what it was like to be left alone like that.
I'm afraid of letting people in, because I'm so afraid of letting them go. I hate change. I hate giving people the ability to take something away from me. But even so, when someone does something wrong, I'm afraid to cut them out of my life. I get scared that one day I'll look back and wonder where they are now, and wonder why I ever let them leave. I guess this means I'm afraid of regret. I dont want to look back one day, and wonder what my life would be like if I had done things differently. I'm afraid of letting people down. I'm afraid of hurting someone so much, that they too become afraid of letting people in.
I think most of my fears come from relationships with people. They come from past experiences; either triumphs or let downs. As for my fear of heights, that just comes from the fear of falling from about 50 feet. Probably not the best feeling in the world.
My definition of fear has definitely changed since 8th grade. I hadn't experienced true heartache or the amount of pressure from family, or the feeling of acceptance in myself yet. Now that I have, the things I now fear, are definitely more realistic. Before, I was afraid of spiders and clowns. They didn't go much deeper. Sure, I was afraid of high school and making new friends, but those are things time can heal. My fear is deeper now, not so easily fixable.
I deal with my fears the best I can. I go on, and try to let people in. Try to assure myself that not everyone will take my heart and run off. Try to assure myself that every time a loved one goes out the door, they will come back. I assure myself that life is good, and that 'the only thing to fear is fear itself.'
And as for what Becca said about she feared who would be her first kiss, I still fear who was my first kiss. haha. So I'm glad you got over that one =]!
It's funny that fear happens to be the topic for this blog. In eighth grade, I watched the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the thought of that being real terrified me, so of course I was tempted to watch the prequel that recently came out. I was hoping this would conquer my fear and help me realize that all the gore and death is fake. It's weird, isn't it? The fact that a movie can terrify someone so much to where they can't function in life. After I saw Chucky, I covered my head with my blanket for years until I got over my fear of dolls. Now, back to the subject of fear. Fear is an emotion that comes over us in times of terror, whether it is a friend jumping out at us from behind a corner or being chased by a chainsaw killer. Like you said Bunje, we all have different opinions of what fear truly is. For me, I am afraid of EVERYTHING. Love, death, falling, pain, being alone, the dark, etc. (I guess you could say that I am pretty messed up.) Anyway, over time my fears have developed because I have been introduced to many new experiences. I am a Chucky Finster, that is just my personality, some people may not budge during a scary movie while I jump and scream, I can't help it.
My biggest fear is hard to determine because I am scared of so much equally. They haven't really changed over the years. I have had the same fears since I could remember. I agree with Christine. Some people never get over their fears because they never face them. I am exactly like that. I am afraid of love and I'm too scared to face it right now to see what will come of it and it is much worse than actually saying "I love you." I think that once you face a fear, you get a huge relief to be able to put it behind you and say I am not afraid anymore. One of the main reasons I become so comfortable with my friends and my boyfriend is because I feel safe and I'm not afraid when I am with them and that is such an important quality because I don't want to be afraid. I want to be able to watch The Grudge and not freak out, but for now I just have to work at my issues one step at a time.
Oh and Rebecca is a buttface!!
Fear is something that can take over your life. It can take away all the normalcy and truly ruin everything you have. For example, I watch October Road and after 9/11, one of the characters refused to leave his house. As a result, he didn’t have a job or a girlfriend and the kids in the neighborhood were afraid of him. His life wasn’t shattered. He still had his friends and he eventually got a girlfriend but my point is that fear took over all his positive beliefs.
I used to be afraid of change. In middle school, I didn’t want to grow up at all. I knew once graduation day came, nothing would be the same. All my friends were either going to AC, Spirit, or the Prep. And then there was me…all alone at Oakcrest. But change isn’t always a bad thing. I think that’s the only reason why I’m not completely freaked out about college. I used to be afraid that my house would catch on fire. I would lie in bed and try to think about what I would grab first if there was a fire and how I’d get to my mom and sister. I got over that too. When we first moved to Brigantine, someone tried breaking into our house. After that, I was afraid of a robber.
Now, I think my biggest fear is death. I’m not necessarily afraid of dying myself, like Blake. In a way, I sort of take comfort in death because it’s the only thing I’m positive that’s going to happen to me. I’m more afraid of people I love dying and how I’d deal with it. I’m where Hannah was at when she was younger. A few years back, my mom and sister got into a bad car accident. Thankfully, they were both fine. But if the car had spun an extra foot, they would both be dead. It got me thinking about what I would do without them. I couldn’t imagine living with only my dad. I don’t know how I’d deal with it if my dad died either. And Dave….I don’t know what I’d do without him either….so don’t go dying on me or I’ll totally break up with you. Maybe I’ll stop watching scary movies and reading scary books too because that always seems to trigger nightmares and paranoia.
Over time, I’ve realized that life is too short to worry about what could happen. Doing that takes away from all the happy times and fun I could be having. I don’t want to grow up to be a worry wart who’s too scared to drive to the supermarket to get some eggs. I don’t want to be too scared to step outside my house or even outside of my bedroom. Instead, I decided to live my life to the fullest and to stop thinking about everything that could go wrong.
Correction, Ms. Bunje. You couldn’t be more wrong. I will answer all of your questions and talk about my worst fear but it will NEVER get out of me. It is stuck with me for life and I swear I need a psychiatrist or something for it. I try and make it a joke with my friends and family but when there’s no one else around my fear takes over me and the things I do to deal with it are honestly not me at all. I am psycho.
With that being said, the IDEA of fear is the anticipation of the worst case scenario occurring. Think about it. Scared of love? Why? Worst case scenario: you fall head over heals and he leaves you. Scared of heights? Why? Worst case scenario: you reach the tippy top and as it rolls down, gaining speed, faster, faster, suddenly the screw becomes loose in your safety bar, and you’re clinging for your life as you dangle upside down. Scared of ghosts? Why? Worst case scenario: you walk in your attic, the stair-door slams shut, lights go off, and a cold chill runs through your veins. Scared of snakes? Why? Worst case scenario: you make one sudden move and it snaps its thick fangs deep into your skin, releasing poison all throughout your body. Scared of stage freight? Why? Worst case scenario: you forget your lines, crack on a couple songs, and fall off the stage. Scared of the future? Why? Worst case scenario? All of your hopes and dreams come crashing down and your entire purpose of existence is a big, fat waste.
Now, if anyone reading those didn’t get a little scared or think to themselves, hmm that would really suck, I hope that never happens to me, then the idea of fear surrounds you. My biggest fear, well ultimately is death, however, it is being home alone-day or night. In my room, in a car, in the woods, in a pool, whatever. I CANNOT be alone. I will be completely honest and not hold anything back in this blog. I am a complete crazy person if I’m home alone. If this blog makes people think different of me, well as Monica would say, don’t judge me.
Okay, seriously since I was a little, little girl, I have been scared of the dark, or well, sleeping by myself. I would beg my sister to let me sleep in her room, with the lights on, and the door open, and the hall way light on, and my million stuffed animals, and my Pocahontas tape playing on repeat. Okay, obviously this routine didn’t last too long because Lauren was getting sick of me. So I upgraded. I slept with my mom. When my mom would be at work and Lauren refused to let me in her room, I would sleep in the hallway with every light on. Sounds even scarier than my bed right? I know, don’t ask why I did this. One night I fell asleep on the toilet because I refused to leave the bathroom because I was so scared to open the door. My mom thought I would eventually grow out of this stage. My Pop-pop used to babysit me and Lauren and we slept in the same room, but once Lauren was old enough only I was babysat-disaster. I would make my 80 grandfather carry my mattress all the way up the stairs just so I could sleep in his room with him. I slept right next to their bed on the floor. Ridiculous. Every year my goal was to one day sleep by myself. 8-didn’t happen. 9 nope. 10 (double digits)-negative. 11?-sadly no. at 12 did I still sleep with my mom?-yes. Once I turned 13 I was forced to sleep in my room, however, I had my dog, the light on and I stared at my closed door for hours just waiting. How, what was I waiting for? I guess I was waiting for a man to slowly creep open the door. I guess my fear revolves around a man coming to kidnap and kill me. I’ve had visions and dreams about this since I was 5 or 6-no lie. Don’t ask how a 5 year old could even no about that type of thing because somehow I did. It was weird. I would cry to my Pop-pop about begging him not to let me fall asleep because then a crazy guy would come in and I wouldn’t be prepared. Psycho right!?
So, as I reached my teenage years, it’s only gotten worse. I’ve actually ran out of my house real late at night to Kim’s because I SWORE, undoubtedly, that there was a man upstairs. It’s interesting though, I know when I’m not home alone how ridiculous this fear is but no matter how much rational sense I make, as soon as I realize I’m home alone I go crazy. About 2 years ago I made a plan incase a man is upstairs in my house (which is dumb because how is it that no one is in my house but my mom and my sister all day but once they leave there’s automatically a man hiding somewhere, where I’m not). But whatever, so my plan, that I’ve done many times, is to literally sit at my back door, with it locked of course, and stare up at my stairs with 3 separate phones with all different lines with me. I also have my dog and a leash with me to. I will sit there for hours. That way, if a man is upstairs and he starts coming down I have a little time to run out the back, if he comes through the front I’ll go out the back, and if he’s at the back, it’s locked so I can rush out of the front. I, once again, am PSYCHO!!!!!
This is really long, sorry but I have to say all this. Okay, ONE time in my life I had a reason to be scared. It was the end of my freshman year and my sister was going out to dinner. She told me to lock the door and I said no you lock it and she was like fine. So there I was home alone. It wasn’t dark out yet so I got up enough courage to go upstairs into my room. The door was closed and I was writing in my diary. All of a sudden about an hour later, I hear the front door swing open really fast and the dog starts going crazy. I called my sister and asked “hey, did you just get home?” and she said, “No..we just got our food. OH MY GOD!! I can’t describe the fear I got. I started freaking out screaming someone’s in the house!! And she thought I was just being my crazy self and told me to shut-up , then she hung up. I called my mom and work crying and she told me to calm down and go lock the door and that everything is fine. So, I listened not knowing what else to do because she thought I was being silly old Leslie again too. I grabbed a can of hairspray (to use as pepper spray just in case) and slowly walked down stairs. I saw the front door wide open and the dog was barking like crazy over in the laundry room. Then I heard loud, horrible banging from the outside of the back door. My dog didn’t know where to go. She was growling and barking crazy at the laundry room door and the back door. I freaked out! I ran so fast up the stairs and at this point, my mom could hear the dog and knew I wasn’t messing around. I grabbed the other phone and called 9-1-1. The dispatcher told me to go and hide in a room. No one can understand the situation I was in at that exact moment. There I was being told to hide as a man in hiding down stairs. I went in my sister’s room with the light off and sat in her closet crying, barley able to breathe. Her door didn’t have a lock. I hear some movement down stairs and the dog going absolutely nuts!
As the dispatcher said the police should be there soon, which felt like eternity, I still could hear the banging from the back door. There must have been more than one person. As soon as I heard sirens, I heard someone runs through my house and out the front door. The door slammed so hard and I heard footsteps in the yard. I couldn’t breathe. I honestly felt like I was going to die.
My worst case scenario almost came true. If only I didn’t call 9-1-1 when I did who knows what would have happened. They must’ve thought no one was home once they saw my sister leave, right after my mom left for work. Thank-god for my dog or else the one guy could have let the other one inside and if they would have found me, who knows. Four police men came inside and it was horrible. They were ignorant, perverts, who didn’t deserve their job. I was almost more scared of them then anything. They were just walking around looking at photos and pointing and nudging each other. It was sick. Then as I tried to tell them what happened they’re just like “it’s okay, whoever it was they left. If they come in again, just call and we’ll come back to help. Excuse my language but are you fucking kidding me!?!?!? Mind you, I was home alone with 4 huge police men and what pissed me off the most was that they were like, “you look familiar..Did you ever call before?” I was like “No? Are you serious?” this is all going on as I’m crying hysterically. Then they kept insisting, “No, I think I’ve seen you before. You look so familiar.” I was like, “no I don’t know you.” And then my sister came home to all this police cars out front and was sooo confused. But she even saw them not giving in and continuing to ask me how I know them. It was horrible! Then they joked and were like, “hmm, maybe you stole something at Wal-mart and we saw you on a surveillance camera…hahahaha.” What jerks! I lost so much respect for po0licemen that night.
Anyway, so calling 9-1-1 is defiantly an extreme but I was so scared that it came to that point. I will NEVER be able to live alone. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do when I get older. Hopefully I will move in with my boyfriend, fiancé, husband, whatever, as soon as possible. It’s something that I think about constantly. I will NEVER be able to comfort my children when they’re scared, cause odds are, I’ll be more terrified then them. They will never be able to see my as someone who can protect them because I will be too scared to do anything.
Here’s a little funny thing that really is actually sad, in my case, that happened about a week ago just top prove how psycho I really am. So everything is fine, my mom leaves for work, then Lauren goes over Jef’s. Oh god. Here is goes. I’m home alone again. I had to blow dry my hair cause I was going out that night. But I couldn’t have that loud thing in my ear not knowing in case a man comes from behind me. So I shut the bathroom door, which doesn’t have a lock, kept the dryer on low so it wont be as loud, which takes so much longer to dry, AND I kept one leg up, with my foot on the door the entire time just in case I man tries to bust in, I’ll be able to clock it for a second. I’ll admit, my leg hurt so badly afterward. AND I of course had my handy-dandy hair spray can ready to use in case he comes after me. Any time, I’ll be able to joke around and share my ridiculous moments, but if you catch me when I’m home alone, you better be ready to see a whole new side of me. A side I never want to people to ever see. And sadly no one will, because I will be all alone….or will I? Maybe there is a man upstairs when I’m down stairs. And maybe there is a man always downstairs when I’m upstairs. Hopefully, I will never find out. Again.
To me fear is to be afraid or anxious of an event, situation, etc. Everyone has some sort of fear in their life. Whether it is as small as the fear of spiders to the fear of death, everyone has a fear that affects them in different ways. People tend to avoid their fears in an attempt to avoid feeling anxious or afraid. When people do this, it isn’t making the problem any better and even can make it worse. Dale Carnegie once stated, “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” I always thought of it this way but I never put it into words. I stumbled upon this quote and I saw how it stated exactly what I thought. If a person has a fear they need to be exposed to their fear. This will allow them to have experience and be able to have confidence and courage. As Carnegie states, “Action breeds confidence and courage.” If that person just sits around and doesn’t take action, their fear(s) will remain in their life. This person first needs to recognize their fear(s) and then become exposed to them or take steps to build confidence.
As I sit here and think about my biggest fear, I decided that it would have to be what my future will be like. I don’t know why it bothers me a lot but it does. Last year wasn’t bad at all, but this year it has gotten worse. I guess it is this way because it is Junior year and this is the most important year and next year we send our applications out for college. Another reason is that my SAT verbal score was not where I’d like it to be. I am just scared that I will not be where I want to be when I get older (which is a dentist or optometrist). I know I have the determination and the ability but I still have the fear. I look back at freshman and sophomore year and I wish I had this fear then because I have the fear now and I am getting the best grades I have ever gotten before. I look at my grades from the first two years and I know I could’ve done better.
A fear that I just got over about a month ago was the fear of death. I never knew why I had this fear. I would lie in bed and worry about my parents or grandparents. My biggest fear was my grandfather dying. He had been having mini-strokes frequently and this scared me. I finally started thinking and I remembered when my other grandfather passed away and it really got to me. After thinking about it, I was able to overcome this fear.
I believe Megan said it best when she stated we should live life to the fullest. We need to make an effort to overcome our fears and work to eliminate them. By the way, I won’t go dying on you.
P.S. Does anyone else lie in bed and cannot fall asleep because you are thinking about how space goes on and on and on?
Before I start my blog, I just wanted to say that while I was scrolling through the blogs to get some inspiration, I saw Leslie's blog and thought to myself "this is entirely too long to read. There is no way that I'm reading this." However, I respect Leslie a ton and know that she always has a great point to make; whether it be a quirky idea or a well thought out plan. So I scrolled to the beginning and just could NOT stop reading it, 1. because it was so funny and 2. because I would never expect LESLIE - class president, vice president of NJ's student council, such a strong leader - to be scared the way she was. What a good story though! Fears can reveal a lot about a person, and in some cases, they can show a whole new side to someone. But keep the door closed, foot up, and blowdryer on low and you should be fine, Leslie :)
Okay, so off to my response -
Fear is definitely something that can take over your life, like Megan stated. Fear is the emotion that overcomes you when you feel as if something is dangerous or harmful towards you.
I've got my list of things I'm scared of - the dark, failure, the future, snakes, being alone forever. But I think the one thing I've always been pretty scared of is death. Meg said that although she fears death, it is almost somewhat comforting to know that you're going to die because it's probably the only thing in your life that you know is going to happen without a doubt. I, on the other hand, am totally scared of that and "comfort" doesn't really come to mind when people talk about death. I am scared of everything death entails - whether it be me or someone else. Death is one of those things where whether you know the person who has passed away or not, you feel sad about it. It's always sad to hear that someone has died. I don't like to be sad and upset when someone dies, and when I die, I don't want to leave love ones to be sad and upset over me.
I think that for the most part, people are scared of what they don't know. Unfamiliar situations and scenerios are always scary for people because they don't know what to expect - which is why I am terrified of death. I'm not the most religious person out there, so I'm not like, "I'm not scared of dieing because I know that God is going to be there to take care of everything" and all that. Truth is, I don't know what I believe anymore when it comes to religion, so it's not really helping me out with my fear. I am scared of dieing because I don't know what's going to happen after I take that last breath.
I'm pretty sure that I've evolved my evolution of being scared of death because I've really never had to face someone I truly loved and cared about and was super close with passing away. My great-grandmother died this past year, but she was almost 98, so how close could I be with her? That was really the only death in my family that I can even fully remember because when others died I was too young to really understand it.
Overall, though, I think that life is too short to have to be worrying about things and being scared of everything. We all know, including myself, that death is bound to happen sooner or later. Since I believe that everything happens for a reason - it will all be okay and that when I die it's just my time to go.
Fear is a rational or irrational disliking or hatred of something that causes anxiety or worry. I think being truly afraid is a horrible feeling. There’s nothing like the dread and anxiety that wells up in you, when you’re really scared. Like Blake, one of the biggest fears that I have that I’ve had for as long as I can remember is a fear of spiders. I HATE them. I get freaked out every time I see one, and I rather big or thick one, even if its dead, can set me off for days (this has happened, but only rarely). I know that spiders kill flies and they’re supposed to be good, but I can’t stand them. They’re so ugly, and having periodical barrages of them in my basement (where my room is) and having a disgusting amount of them within feet of the cabin we sleep in in West Virginia has made things worse. Noticing one about as big as my palm when I was in the shower half-blind and half-asleep was an experience that still haunts me. Yuck. They’re just gross.
Thinking too much about spiders has always been something that can keep me up at night, but I can usually dismiss it and move on. I’ve always had this fear of a kidnapper, too, like Christine, Hannah, Leslie and whoever else. Sometimes I would get really scared when I was little, but now I just get a little nervous, or I’ll run into my house, my room, or wherever it’s safe when I’m alone in the dark. When I was little, I had to have my bedroom door closed and my blankets pulled tightly around me, right up to my neck, and my trusty bunny-blanket held to my chest. I couldn’t sleep any other way. Vampires, fires, scary men, ghosts, robbers- I was afraid of all of them, but I had no idea what I could do to stop them (except for the blankets up to my neck, to maybe stop or slow down the possible vampires). Before I got the light on my bed, I’d run from the light switch to my bed, sometimes hurting myself and always feeling unsafe and ridiculous. Whenever I heard a noise when I was little and by myself, I’d stop talking or making any noise, stop playing, get out of the room as fast as possible and find someone else to stay around. Actually, my brother made me scared of a few things over the years, like turning into a squirrel, falling into a pond and turning into a fish that could never leave, and getting sucked by the vacuum cleaner. Obviously, some fears have changed over time.
More recently, I’ve been scared of what the future holds, what major/career/college to choose, and whether or not I’ll be happy and be able to do the things I want. I think only the last one fits into my definition. I guess I’ve been afraid of these things since high school, though they’ve gotten worse more recently. It’s just so hard to not know and have to sit back and wait for everything to happen. Whenever I get scared, I calm myself down and tell myself that everything will be ok. I think of a strategy to deal with the problem, whether it be college or a robber. I try not to think about whatever it is, which might not be the best way, esp. if there really is something wrong, but it’s the only thing that helps. I hate feeling scared, esp. when I need to sleep.
Fear is a captivating emotion that has the ability to overcome someone mentally, physically, or both. After reading Les's blog, I think I'm scared FOR her. It was so graphic and psyco that I felt like I was right there with her. I think there are different levels of fear, and fear obviously has the hold on Leslie, instead of Leslie having the hold on fear. The worst fear is a fear that we're unable to control in the least bit.
When I was little, I actually had the same fear as Leslie. I always thought that someone was going to come in my house and kill me. I also had a plan for "if" (or "when")something like this were to happen, depending on the scenerio. If he came in my room, I would jump out the window and run as fast as I could. If I had enough time before he came in, I would lock my door and try to remain as silent as possible. If he had a gun and tried to shoot at me (but missed by chance) I would lie on the floor and pretend I was dead. All of these "plans" sound ridiculous to me now as I recite them, but I found comfort in the plans that I deemed foolproof at the time. Oddly enough, when we moved less than a mile down the road to a new house, the fear went away. I don't know if this is because I matured and got over my fear, but for the most part it's probably because I no longer have a room on the first floor (now my parent's room is.) This is my new comfort for this fear, and I barely ever get affraid of it now.
My two other fears are somewhat weird and unconventional and even though I think everyone will laugh at me (what else is new) I'm going to write them in my blog. It all started off when I was about four years old, visiting NYC with my mom and grandmom. We were leaving the Harley Davidson Cafe and if you've ever been there before, you know that the exit is a big, heavy revolving door. Well, while we were walking out the revolving door I wasn't paying attention and I didn't exit with my mom and grandmom. The door stopped and at four years old I was not strong enough to push the door to an open pocket so I wasn't trapped. I watched through a glass prison as my mom and grandmom disappeared into the crowded streets and PANICKED. I remember hyperventilating and crying and banging on the walls and screaming for my mom to come "save" me. I got even more scared when a huge rough hairy motorcycle man pushed the door open so I wasn't trapped and picked me up. I kicked and screamed while he asked me what my name was and where my mother was. Right away, I realized that he was a stranger and that I was breaking every single little kid rule by talking to him. I thought that he was going to take me home with him and never let me see my mom again. I ran away and somehow managed to get outside and just took off down the streets. I saw so many unfamiliar faces and none of them was the soft face of my mom. I was probably walking around by myself for 10 minutes until my mom finally came and found me. I told her that she had forgotten about me, but she tried to reassure me by telling me she didn't realize I wasn't right behind her (because that's where I always was when I was little.) So now I have this fear of getting lost. Even when we're in the mall I refuse to let her get more than 2 stores away from me...my mom or anyone I'm with. The fear isn't as strong as it was before because now I have a cell phone to call her whenever I get "lost," but it used to be so much worse. Now I can finally say that (with a cell phone) I can now walk down the aisles of Acme by myself.
My other fear is that there are bugs in my bed. Whenever I feel the slightest little tickle on my leg, I try to concentrate to feel "the bug" crawling up my leg. Just when I think I'm positive that it is a bug, I fling the covers off me and check for signs of bug bites or rashes. I think this comes from the fact that once when I was little I got a bite overnight and my mom made the mistake of telling me it was probably from a spider biting me while I was sleeping (because it had two fang holes like a spider bite.) I seriously have OCD with her washing my sheets now.
Those are probably the two biggest ones but there are still fears I have but that I'm able to control...like the fear of not knowing anyone in an enviornment that I'm not familiar with. This summer I overcame that fear by trying out for beach patrol and being forced to meet new people every day, and sit on a stand for them for 8 hours.
To deal with fear, everyone conjures their own idea of a safety net to make them feel conforted. I think the only way to deal with fear is to face it before it faces you. This reminds me of the Harry Potter movie that has that gnome that transforms into whatever the wizard is afraid of when they look at it. Yeah, I'm weird, get over it.
:)
The word “fear” can best be described as something that brings a sense of helplessness. My biggest fear is to be a disappointment to those that care about me. This fear spawned from a couple of factors. The first of which is that my idol, my brother has made my parents very proud. The second thing that makes me so afraid of disappointing my parents is that they’ve put so much time and effort into my upbringing that I feel like it is my job to make them proud. From this fear has sprouted other fears. These include getting bad grades, getting in trouble, and doing poorly in sports.
This fear doesn’t “keep me awake at night,” but it is often in the back of my head as I’m doing just about anything. I don’t like failing because I feel like being a failure is less than what my parents expect of me. It isn’t fair to them to be less than what they expect.
This fear has evolved quite a bit over time. I’ve started to realize that my parents aren’t going to be disappointed over the small things. The things that are going to disappoint them are the major things in my life. If I happen not to do my homework, that won’t disappoint them, just aggravate them. If I go out and drink, though, then that will disappoint them in a major way. This evolution of my understanding of what exactly it is that I’m afraid of and how this can come about has helped me to limit myself less and less by this fear.
Well, I guess I’ve been overcoming my fear ever since I can remember having it. My parents are very proud of the person I’ve become. They tell me that I make them proud every once in a while, and that little conversation between us helps to make all the troubles I go through to make them proud worth it.
I have to agree with Alli about the fear of losing the people you love. I’ve learned to have two “walls” of my heart. It isn’t that hard to get inside the first one, and I’ve learned not to worry about the people in this part of my heart that much. I can’t control them, and if they want to hurt me, then I guess it is their prerogative. As for the inner part of my heart, the part that matters, almost no one can make it inside there. I guess I’ve learned to do this because it always seems like the people closest to me seem either to leave or to change. I’ll never forget in second grade Joey Ferriola (I don’t know if the spelling is correct.) he was my best friend and we hung out almost every day. His family, though, moved to North Carolina, and I’ve never had a best friend like him since then. I always seem to bond with someone, then something seems to change. Jimmy Cowley and I started to have different interests in sixth grade, (I had girls; he had sports) Joe Benson, well he just changed when we reached high school, and the people closest to me in high school started to do things that although I wanted to, I was afraid of disappointing my parents, so I didn’t. I’ve learned not to let people in that inner part of me because people change and no one can stop change. I haven’t gotten over it, and still only a few people can say they mean enough to me to be in that special section saved only for a few.
Fear is the repulsive feeling of nervousness caused by the presences or expectations of personal and/or others threats and risks. Fear to me is something I do not like. Fear can sometimes drive people to do things that they normally wouldn’t do. In fact, for some people fear has both its positive sides in protection and negative sides in everything that deals with being scared.
Currently, my biggest fear is my future with educational happenings. I am scared of what colleges will accept me and what ones won’t. I am scared that the pressure and work load will cause me to break, since I have around 10 years left. I fear the rejection of my future dreams and what will happen to all my past education. Personally, I see fear as a tree; everyone has one main fear and a bunch of branches of fear.
Nothing really keeps me awake at night because I try to keep positive. I try to figure ways to cure my fears or just get over them. What I fear now is not the same thing that I have feared in the past. What I fear now has just come because life is becoming more real everyday and is coming at me fast. And of course it is my wonderful junior year that everyone in high school loves. In eighth grade I was worried about stupid little things. I feared little things that do not even matter. Once I became a freshman and sophomore I began to fear new things. Things that matter more in life like college and happenings with family and friends. Fear will always change because one will find new things to fear and when one overcomes a fear than a new one may be born. For example, when I finally make it through college and dental school and all that good stuff I will no longer have my fear of college. But I will probably then fear keeping a good job and so on.
Focusing on my main fear, fear for me has evolved in small build ups from year after year. As I increased in grades in school every year college becomes closer. And I guess this is how my fear evolved because now it is right around the corner and I am at risk soon. The evolution process is different for everyone. Everyone has their levels of fear and how many fears they have. I think fears come from the inner most part of us. We either take things that are very dear to us or things we hold in high regard and fear threats against them.
Once again, everyone deals with fear differently. I see fears as something that I must conquer and overcome. Referring back to my saying about how fear is like a tree, I believe we must not save the trees of fear and must hack away at them. Take it step by step and find a way to be confident and face your fears.
I see how Hannah and I have a similar fear of the future. I also agree with her on how fear has different levels. After reading hers fear can be found in many different things that happen to us in everyday life, but we just do not notice them.
Fear is an overwhelming emotion, which is caused by external stimuli, such as the threat of danger, and is usually accompanied with anxiety. Fear can throw your body and mind into a state of distress which can take over your life. Fears can be described as phobias, which are strong fears of something in particular. Phobias include the fear of long words, hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, and the fear of Friday the 13th, paraskavedekatriaphobia.
Scared of death? Why? Worst case scenario: You die. One of my greatest fears in life is death; or thantophobia. I am afraid of what happens and what it feels like; and then after some thinking, I realized I am afraid of dying alone. You come into the world alone and you go out alone. The concept of just being living one second and dead the next is incomprehensible, at least to me. I am so afraid of that moment, and unlike many other fears listed for this blog, this fear is completely unavoidable. I will die. I can't avoid that. But I don't think I can accept that fate and move on. The fact I know that I will someday face this fear tears me apart and has lead to many restless nights.
My fear of death has always been around, but other fears have come and gone. For example, When I was little, I feared scary movies, I feared roller coasters, I feared heights, I feared the city. It seems kind of paradoxical, but what I used to fear are all the things I love. I love scary movies. I love going to the theme park and riding roller coasters like Kingda Ka. I absolutely love the city, and I want to live there when I get older.
Similarly to Dave's blog, one fear that seems to evolve for me is the fear of failing. I feared failing the AP exam my sophomore year. During freshman year, I couldn't care less about failing an AP exam. Now, as a junior, I fear that I will not get into a good college. And I am sure when I am in college I will fear not getting the job I want. And I am sure when I get the job I will fear that I will not be as successful as I want to be. My fears stem from not being able to reach my goals. And as I accomplish each goal, it seems to move one with me to my next.
I don't deal with it. I just try to avoid it. I lower my standers for my life goals because I would rather overshoot them then to fall short. That has helped reduce anxiety and prevented possible disappointment.
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Does anyone else lie in bed and cannot fall asleep because you are thinking about how space goes on and on and on?
I do. And it freaks me out. A lot. Things that are bigger and unimaginable, such as our universe, creep me out. I think it's one of the reasons why I like biology so much. It's small and easily observable. With space, its big and no one knows why it's there. Nor do they know what's in it, how big is it and when was it created. All the numbers are facts you hear are based on theory. Nothing is fact. Remember, gravity is a theory too. Until the string theory or something like it is proved, a lot of what goes on around us will be left unexplained and strictly based on theory.
Being extraordinarily nerdy, in order to get my definition of fear and perhaps to gain a better understanding of the word, I looked up the etymology of the word. And this is what I learned; the main root of the word fear is the Latin feanis, which means a calamity or a disaster which gives credence to Lesilie's definition that fear is anticipation of the worst case scenario. Somewhere along the line the word changed its meaning from a calamity or disaster to an emotion elicited by anticipation of the disaster. So I definitely agree that fear is anticipation of something bad happening.
My biggest fear I have decided after much deliberation that my biggest fear is probably fear of the future and how much I may have all ready screwed it up for myself and how likely I am to screw it up. I definitely think that my fears have changed over time. Maybe about seven years ago the thing that frightened me the most probably would have been being outside my house in the dark, I don’t know why but something about being alone out there with my neighbors dogs barking and howling scared me to death or more likely it was not really being able to see and knowing that there was so much going on that I couldn’t see or do anything about. It was almost something irrational I’m glad to say that by about four years ago I had ceased having irrational fears. I guess my fear has always been of things that are unknown whether it’s the future or the great mysteries of what lurks outside in my yard, the pessimist inside seems quite adept at coming up with worst case scenarios for things I can’t know anything about. I only just realized that I have this fear of screwing up and how much I may have already screwed up this year when I started looking at colleges and for colleges I realized how much of a slacker I have been with my schoolwork and how much that has already hurt me. I deal with this fear in the way I typically deal with things that trouble me, which probably isn’t the best way but it works, I ignore them and move on with my life and don’t let them outwardly trouble me. I suppose that’s how I deal things whether it’s running out of the house and back when I take out the garbage, or not allowing GPA frenzy catch up with me I have always supposed that I don’t deal with my fears and refuse to acknowledge the object of fear I won’t have to deal with them and they have no power.
Fear is an overwhelming emotion that causes anxiety. Fear of something cause one to refrain from it and fear of a situation causes one to do everything in their power to prevent it, well almost.
While scrolling through the blogs, Leslie's caught me eye. I feel really bad for you because that's a scary feeling and I almost have the same fear except I think it will be my grand mom. Really weird right, I know, she's dead and all, but I think one day I will turn around and see her. I love my grand mom to pieces, however, I'm so frightened that one day I will see a ghost of her in my house. When she first passed away, I used to wish to see her again, whether it was in person or in a dream. Now, that wish haunts me. As I am writing this blog, I am actually imagining her sitting on the couch staring at me, creepy right. (I just looked over my shoulder to make sure that she wasn't sitting there. I just looked again!)In my room, when the closet door is open, I think she will walk out from the closet and get me. I'm not exactly sure what "get me" means, but it seems like she would. I know I love her and she loves me, I'm just scared sometimes. This fear derived from the thought of me actually seeing a dead person. Since I know that's basically impossible, I ponder if I do see her, how would I react? At night, I am scared to sleep with a door cracked. It seems like evil spirits or something is peeking in at me. I am also terrified when my door is wide open. When I look out from my bedroom door, there are steps, it seems like on night someone will come up the steps and get me. Because me door is open and I'll be on the bed, it will be too late to hide from them; they’ll see me. Scared in the pants!
Another fear is when I am about to go to bed at night. I'm not sure if this means that I am afraid of the dark or what, but if I am the last one down stairs, I have to turn the TV along with all of the lights off. After its pitch black downstairs and I'm all alone, I race upstairs to get away from the darkness. I think I will turn around to see a zombie or a monster sitting there.
Also, I have fear of failure. This fear is at an all time high right now. I really want to go to Howard University. Everything about it stands for me; well at least that's what I believe. On Sunday, I was on the Howard University website for about five hours. I clicked on every link possible, and re-read every scholarship possible for that school. I had an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I am so anxious to go to Howard University that I even went on map quest to figure out how long of a trip it would be to go from my house to the school. I also found out that it takes 2 hours to get from Howard to AJ's school; Del State. Crazy right? I yearn to go to that school, and these are the times that will get me into Howard. Now is the time when I prepare for school and I have a fear that I will not get accepted to that school.
It's funny because last year, as a sophomore, or even years before that, I never even knew what college I wanted to attend. All of the sudden, as a junior, I feel the need to go to Howard.
Freshman year, it was crazy, I was afraid of zebras. It was something about the stripes because I was never afraid of horses, just zebras. One day, Kylie went to google.com and showed me a picture of a zebra and I started crying. Absurd? Not to me it wasn't. Now, I would ride a zebra, well, I'm not exactly sure if I'm that cool with zebras yet...
Eighth grade, I don't remember any vivid fears, I guess that was a good year for me.
My biggest fear is death of loved ones. For some reason, I spend a lot of time developing strong relationships with family and some friends. Although it is obvious that no one like the though of death, it terrifies me. No, you don't understand, it TERRIFIES ME like nothing else! Seeing dead people or even someone hurting when they are near death scares me. When someone dies, do they really go to Heaven? I believe in Heaven 100%, however, I have trouble coping with the fact that people that I love will burn in Hell. That also terrifies me. I remember when I was in the second grade; I used to sleep over my friend Khadijah's house. It would be about 12 midnight, after we were already in the bed and I would begin to cry. I would wake Khadijah's mom up and tell her to take me home. When I got home, my grand mom would be there, playing cards with her friends, who unfortunately are now deceased along with her, and tell her that I was afraid to die. She would tell me that everything would be ok, and that I had a long time until I had to think about death. Sad story right? What seven year old cries about death? I did. To this day, I dread the day when someone close to me will die. I am so scared of it that I have chill on my arms and tears in my eyes. Please pray for me, like, honest to God, if you believe in him, that I need prayer. I really need to cope with this death situation. I still cry about my grand mom that died about six years ago, several times a month. I try to think about the good, but sometimes I can't. So, if there are some classmates that are reading this blog, even Bunje, pray that God takes this fear away from me because it literally is taking a toll on me. The idea of fear has evolved because little things don't really scare me. But bugs do especially big spiders and praying mantises. One day, a very long time ago, I went to my friend’s house and she wasn't home. For some strange reason, I thought to look up near the left corner of the door and there it was; the praying mantis! It had red eyes and it looked really scary! I ran towards home as fast as I could. While running, I remember telling myself how much it looked like a leaf. Then, I came across a bunch of trees. Don't laugh when I admit this, but I thought all of the leaves on the trees would some how turn into praying mantises and eat me alive! I stood there, in the middle of a parking lot, not very close to my house crying, may I add, very loudly. I was screaming for my mom. For some strange reason, after about 10 minutes, I heard her yelling from her bedroom window. I told her the leaves were going to get me and she was about to close the window on me. She didn't realize I was serious until she heard me scream. I thought a bug was on me. I began rolling in the middle of the street like a maniac! No one knows this story except a select few, so don't tell anyone. This is between the special people of room 204. Finally I ran home, covering my eyes and ears. I only looked at the street below me. That was a long time ago though
The problem is that some of my fears seem to have no way to deal with it. I mean, how could I face my fear with seeing my dead grand mom, see her? (My dog keeps barking really loud, I wonder if he sees her...) I'm a weirdo--I get that much... 1,368 words! Yipee!
Fear = being scared.
Don't need to be a brain surgeon to figure that one out. But what are people afraid of? A wise president once said, "You have nothing to fear but fear itself." I think I can agree with this statement.
Everyone knows that I ride horses (if you don't know- guess what? I ride horses.), and it's obvious that there are things to be afraid of in the field. Many a time when asked to ride, I've had people respond incredulously, "What, are you nuts?! Those things are huge!" But size isn't what gets me. And upon hearing my tale of woe (how I have fallen off 17 times total: 13 Bold, 2 Jinx, 2 Harry) people often declare how it's no wonder I'm scared to ride. Yet the actual falling off isn't what gets me either. It's that feeling right before: that quick moment of paralyzing fear when you realize that you don't know what to do. After that, you sort of surrender- you just let yourself tumble to the ground in utter defeat.
I haven't always known this. There has been many sleepless nights on tear-stained pillows trying to figure out why I'm so afraid to ride. It was quite aggravating; one day I'd be the queen of the farm, schooling any naughty horse brought my way. The next I'd be standing sadly on the ground, watching my friends jump 2'6" and wondering why on earth I can't do that. My mom told me on many morose rides home from the farm that it's in my psyche; there's just some psychological disturbance that developed after my many falls that won't allow me to be happy when I ride. For a while I thought I'd never be able to achieve my dreams of being a trainer.
But now there's a light at the end of my tunnel. Last Wednesday night my trainer, Sue, brought in a horse who had been left tied to a pole no more than two feet away from a busy highway. Obviously, the horse was scared out of his wits, but understood that Sue had saved him. The next day I was asked to be the first to ride him. I scurried over with my boots and looked into the eyes of a tremendous gray horse. He's actually a multitude of colors- brown, gray, black, white- and looks kind of scrufty, but when I looked into his eyes something weird happened. I immediately dropped my "tough-girl" attitude and found myself babbling like an idiot to this weird horse ("You are so cute! Yes you are! Yes you are!!"). Minutes later I was astride the massive animal, and though all we did that day was walk around in circles (he was still getting used to the farm), I must say I had the most fun riding than I had had in a long time. The horse's name is Owen, and since then we've been longing (lun-jing - make the horse move in circles around you using only a rope or a whip), riding, and having a good time. I can't wait until the weather is good enough to ride again!
So whether you're scared of spiders like Blake, the future like Hannah, or even afraid of the one thing you love the most like yours truly, fear is a demon that can creep up on you without knowing it. As the great band Guster sang, "A demon cannot be heard." But I firmly believe that each and every one of us can beat our demons- you just really have to try.
Fear is an emotion evoked when someone is faced with something that makes them feel week and vulnerable – anywhere from physical to emotional to mental things.
When I was younger I went to Birch Grove Park with my family. It was a beautiful day and I had fun looking at the animals and feeding the ducks. I love animals and I never had a fear of them, until this one day. My cousins and I were walking along a path and we came up to a 10-ft high fence blocking off the path. On the other side of the path there was a nest with a Mother Goose and her eggs. My cousins didn’t care. They walked around the fence and walked right up to the nest and were just looking at it. I, on the other hand, stayed right next to fence watching my cousins. All of a sudden, this giant goose comes jet-lining down out of nowhere and attacks me! I was attacked by a giant goose that squawked and squealed and stampeded and slashed my head. Meanwhile, I was screaming and crying and running around frantically, my mom was screaming and running around frantically, and my family was screaming. When that was all over, the goose finally peaced off my head and a warm sensation was flowing down my face. I touched it and it was blood. I ended up with a 3cm size hole in the side of my head. Ever since then I have been completely terrified of birds, especially when their in flight.
Another fear I have, which is probably a fear a lot of people deal with, is the fear of rejection. When I wrote my definition, I had this fear in mind. When I am rejected, or even when I am put into a situation where I could easily be rejected, I feel week and vulnerable and that scares me. This also goes back to what Christine described as the fear of not succeeding. I do have a fear of not succeeding in life and ending up at ACCC, like Christine said.
My fears haven’t changed much since eighth grade or even before that. I’ve always been scared of birds since my incident and the fear of rejection has been with me since as long as I can remember. However, the fear of not succeeding has grown on me as I’ve gotten older and higher expectations were put on me. The higher the expectations and the bigger the goals, the bigger the cloud of not succeeding. I can say that as I have gotten older and have learned more, the naïve fears such as bugs and the dark have gone away. On the other hand, my psychological fears of rejection and not succeeding have increased. I believe these fears have evolved because of my experiences in life and expectations and goals, as well as maturity.
Recently I’ve been facing my fears head on and I’ve gotten over them. I’ve learned that life is too short to limit yourself because you’re scared of being rejected or not succeeding. I also keep telling myself that it is ok to be rejected. That is how I cope with my fears. As for the fear of birds, I cry. I honestly cry. Over the summer I went to Birch Grove Park with my mom and we were going to walk around eating ice cream. The moment I stepped out of the car, there must have been fifty geese, and they all flocked toward me. I try to keep myself composed and as I tried to get to higher ground, more came flocking my way. I couldn’t take it anymore. Every inch of my body was getting numb and my eyes started to tear. My mom was laughing at me the entire time. I finally got to the top of the playground, where I thought I would be safe, but I was wrong. They came right up on the playground and I began to cry hysterically. My mom finally drew them away from me. Anyway, I still haven’t learned to cope with them.
and leslie, that's what you get for living in the woodlands...lol (insider)
Fear. An emotion caused when you are uneasy in a situation and or scared; an emotion that can cause you to do things totally out of your character. Okay Leslie I do not think your crazy I suffer from the same thing that you do but in a different degree. So I’m not afraid of the dark like Leslie but I definitely have the reoccurring thought that one day I will come in the house and there will be a man waiting for me. This only happens when I’m home alone and at nighttime. I’ve had this fear since I was little I used to imagine there was a man hiding underneath my steps waiting to pull me under since my steps had openings. Now my house is not big at all so if someone were to come in my house and get me there wouldn’t be many places I can go. This happens especially when I come from walking the dog when I imagine that’s this man will come up behind me while I’m opening the door or, even though I have locked the door on the way out I imagine a man standing at the top of my steps waiting for me. Sometimes I even picture this while I’m in the shower that someone is going to come and stab me threw the shower curtains or that I’m going to get out the shower and he is going to be standing right there waiting for me. I can also not sleep with my closet open due to this imaginary man. Just recently I accidentally feel asleep with the door open and I could have sworn there was someone hiding in the dark. When I kept trying to close my eyes and go back to sleep the man had killed mom my and the second time them man went for me and tried to rape me it felt so weird that I called people to try and wake them up so they could make me feel better but no one answered I guess due to the fact it was like three or four something in the morning it felt so real that I thought of getting up to go sleep with my mom but I couldn’t get the strength to move. Also last year I had a freak accident where my dog just went psycho and attacked my aunt she had to go to the hospital and everything the ambulance and animal control had to come. Blood was everywhere. Now if you saw the dog you would not believe he would do such a thing but he was just a nut he bit me at least three or four times my mom once my neighbor and a friend. What set him off that time you might ask. He had taken Niah’s toothbrush out her bag and she asked me to get it back form her I hit the dog with a bra and that was the end of it. But back to the main reason I wrote all that I can still see the scene in my mind and for months after that incident I would think someone would walk behind me and get me while using the computer and kill me. Because of my incident with my killer dog I’m also afraid that one day a dog will bite me like the dog bit my aunt but, not little dogs just big ones. And lastly one of my biggest fears that I don’t think any of my Aper’s will right is getting pregnant. I fear that one day I will be sucked into having sex with no protection just for the thrill of it and it is the end of my life. It disgust me when teenage girls are so excited to have babies I mean your whole future is gone and your going to spend your whole struggling because of one stupid mistake. I know how much of a let down that would be to my whole family because they all picture me to be this goody two shoe. All my years of hard work in school would be a waste because I would be stuck with a low paying job. I also am living for the day when I can walk out of Oakcrest with my diploma and be on the way to college life.
“Awareness of a danger” was part of Hannah’s definition of fear, and as far as I’m concerned that is fear. I have always feared failure like most of us do. The fear of not being able to accomplish all the strenuous goals set by myself and others around me. The fear of being incompetent when it came to reaching those goals. The fear that at the end of the day I would end up face down in the mud while everyone else rises to the occasion. I have always had this fear and it haunts me day in and day out as I sit and make excuses of why I can’t. I guess being pressured at a young age to always strive for perfection led me to be fearful. Little did I know then that in that act to be perfect would I always fall because no one is perfect. Yet still I wish I was because then fear would be distinct for I would never fail and always rise like I wish I could. I have developed this persuasive technique that allows me to stop before I begin to avoid failing which in the end only leads me to failing. I want to protect myself from the hurt caused by not being able to succeed, yet it still hurts but I lack the courage to be strong and try.
I can easily conquer a lot that’s thrown at me, but I can never overcome myself. I always manage to talk myself out of anything that poses any type of danger I may foresee. Like track, SAT’s, and being successful. Because if I can’t even manage my minor steps to success now how will I ever manage the more arduous tasks I have to come.
What I once feared like not passing a spelling test has evolved into failing life. It hurts because I want to believe I can I want to be motivated but I lost it, and I would do anything to get it back but what if I can’t what if my all just isn’t enough?
I disagree with mister c when he says fear is something you refuse to accept as reality because I think that’s denial whereas fear you may not want to face it but whatever you fear is a reality to you. But the point he does make about fear having the power to make the strongest person cry for their “mommies” is quite accurate. I like to think of myself as a strong person and fear makes me act in ways that are unbeknown to me sometimes. It takes over you like a blood sucking leech until your left with nothingness, and the only thing standing between us and fear is our selves. I am the sole reason I cannot overcome my fear.
Fear is an emotion that every normal human being posses. Fear in my own words is an emotion that one feels when they don’t feel right about something that is going on or about to happen. Fear can range from high to low. You can fear an ant to a serial killer. The littlest baby to the biggest man all posses the emotion of fear. Fear is inevitable to all species of man kind.
What am I scared of? I have many small little fears like all human being do. Such as bugs and things like that but my biggest fear is FAILURE. Failure is something I fear tremendously not failure in other people’s eyes but the failure in my mom eyes. To put it like this I do what I do for my mom. All I want to do is see her proud of me in whatever I decided to do. I don’t want to be the type of person that goes to college graduates with a degree but yet just can’t make it and comes back home begging for help from my mom and family members. Some people just have that luck. They can be the most educated person in their school but just have the luck of being unlucky. Then there are those people that don’t do anything; hardly finished high school but yet have a set career and don’t have to suffer one bit. Another thing I am scared of is the future. What if I don’t get to accomplish the things I always said as a little kid that I wanted to. Everyday I go to sleep with the fear of not being able to see my tomorrow; my future. Some people never wake up from the cousin of death; sleep. They never got to say what they wanted or do what they said they were going to do next weekend.
When I was younger I feared the irreverent things in life. I feared not fitting in with my peers and you know some of the things people still fear now. As I have grown those thing just became less important to me and became some that no longer fazes me.
As I read these blogs I see that most of us have some of the same fears like the fear of college, the future and failure. I think that we all as AP kids in some way have that because it is just something that has been instilled in our character.
I decided this week that I wouldn’t read anybody’s blog before I finish with mine. So, here it goes:
Fear is a sensation that a person may feel as they look, see, or touch something unknown or petrifying. It means that a person can know what they fear and why they fear it but fear can also be created by not knowing what exactly is frightening about something, it’s just plain full of fear.
Change has been my biggest fear since I can remember. I become so content with how my life is at a certain time and when someone or something decides to change what I’ve come to know and love, it scares me. Cutting my hair, that was a change and I almost threw up before getting it cut. My brother going off to college, I began to cry and shake, not because I would miss him, but because he was always by my side whenever I needed him for the past 16 years of my life. Whenever we added a dog to our family, I immediately felt my intestines shaking because I was afraid how it would affect our family and the dog(s). Change can be from the smallest fraction to the most life changing of changes like my hair = not so life changing, brother leaving the nest = pretty much a life changer. Dealing with the changes, or my fear, has defined who I am. I either crumble under the pressure of the adjustment or I find the best way to deal.
The idea of fear hasn’t changed much for me. I guess when I was little I thought that my biggest fear was the boogeyman but what little kid didn’t fear the “monsters” that nested with our clothes or with dust mites under our beds . I think the idea of the fear, though, hasn’t changed, I never saw the boogeyman but I can see change. The things I have feared have changed but the idea of fear is still intently there.
My fear comes from the multiple disappointments that I have dealt with. I feel that every change will come with disappointments and I won’t be able to handle them.
I read Hannah’s blog first so, I completely see where she is coming from. Our future isn’t set in stone and that is extremely scary. We all would like to know that we’ll have that great job and make enough money to keep us satisfied, but we could just as easily never find out what we really want to do with our lives and live from paycheck to paycheck. That’s one big frightening situation.
KYLIE THIS JUST IN YOU CAN CURE YOUR FEAR OF PREGNANCY...USE PROTECTION THERE'S NO THRILL IN BEING UNSAFE!!!
If I could define “fear,” I would attach pictures of people sporting a fearful look next to it because fear is something that you can’t define in words. You have to see the eyes of the person in fear. You have to note the wrinkles on their face. When our bodies experience fear, it locks up, and our senses are stimulated to take in the situation that makes us afraid. The incidents and objects that make us feel fear (let’s say spiders or swerving in a car) do not scare me. It is the feeling of fear as an emotion, taking its toll on my body by making things like my heart rate faster, that I am afraid of. When fear is instilled inside me, my stomach drops, and I become nervous. Knowing how fear feels, is the most frightening thing to me. I often avoid the objects and situations that make the emotional wave of fear wash over me, sometimes I think I should face more of my fears despite the fact that they push me out of my comfort zone. Then, I realize that leaving my comfort zone is fear I have and that maybe I should face that big fear sooner and the small ones later. Since middle school, I have felt this way about fear. Experiencing the emotion of fear in body is what makes me afraid, as opposed to seeing an object or situation that is fearful. By thinking this way, I never really was intimidated by scary movies. When in a situation that makes you afraid, you get this feeling in your gut that makes everything disappear. In that moment, your brain is rambling trying to see what’s going on, what the consequences will be and how you take care of . It is that feeling, that moment, I fear.
If I could define “fear,” I would attach pictures of people sporting a fearful look next to it because fear is something that you can’t define in words. You have to see the eyes of the person in fear. You have to note the wrinkles on their face. When our bodies experience fear, it locks up, and our senses are stimulated to take in the situation that makes us afraid. The incidents and objects that make us feel fear (let’s say spiders or swerving in a car) do not scare me. It is the feeling of fear as an emotion, taking its toll on my body by making things like my heart rate faster, that I am afraid of. When fear is instilled inside me, my stomach drops, and I become nervous. Knowing how fear feels, is the most frightening thing to me. I often avoid the objects and situations that make the emotional wave of fear wash over me, sometimes I think I should face more of my fears despite the fact that they push me out of my comfort zone. Then, I realize that leaving my comfort zone is fear I have and that maybe I should face that big fear sooner and the small ones later. Since middle school, I have felt this way about fear. Experiencing the emotion of fear in body is what makes me afraid, as opposed to seeing an object or situation that is fearful. By thinking this way, I never really was intimidated by scary movies. When in a situation that makes you afraid, you get this feeling in your gut that makes everything disappear. In that moment, your brain is rambling trying to see what’s going on, what the consequences will be and how you take care of . It is that feeling, that moment, I fear.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt
Reading Roosevelt’s words strikes a strong sense of realism inside of me. He is completely correct in the assertion and goal of his statement, but looking at the bigger picture he said this during his first Inaugural Address. He no doubt had to say something to Americans so to entrust hope and confidence in him. If Roosevelt were alive today I would have to ask; Is that not more easier said than done?
For me fear is so many things. A little known fact about me is that I can be a little paranoid. Panic attacks while driving are also not unusual for me. The fear of knowing that something bad is going to happen is so overwhelming. Thinking about it too much gets me emotional actually. My biggest fear is failure. If there were 1001 bad things that happened to me I would hope that none of them involved me failing at something. I’ve had this fear forever now, but it’s just intensified over the years. I use to be really scared of being alone. Being alone symbolized loneliness to the tenth degree squared. I think it became less of a fear when I started caring less about wanting to just hang out with friends and I started investing more of my time in school. Growing up..right? but, I would say that however disturbed I may be at the idea of failing at something I care about I would say that I rather have that fear over being alone. Not that I’m more scared of being alone, but I feel like in my younger days when that was my biggest fear I wasn’t really looking out for myself and my needs. I was more about pleasing other people. That’s not me anymore. I’ve more so realized that even though my mom is there and I have family there’s certain emotions and experiences that come with age and I’m the only one that’s going to be there for myself when it comes time to protect my future endeavors. So, with new age and new knowledge I find myself in a mental struggle for the things that I really want in life. How do I deal? Well my new method… I just keep it to myself. I think about it.
Like Hannah said there are a lot of different levels of fear. Fears, however nerve racking, can be healthy. Fear arouses your senses. It keeps you awake. Every time I watch Six Sense I always cover my eyes when that crazy little girl who got fed the Lysol pops up! Every time I walk into the bathroom I always have this thought that there’s a dead body sitting in the bathtub. Creepy, right? It’s exciting yet tantalizing at the same time.
Fear is the emotional and mental reaction towards concrete and realistic dangers, but not imminent dangers. I like Courtney T’s blunt definition of “fear=being scared”. It made me chuckle a bit, not unlike most of her other blogs. Fear is also a survival mechanism; by protecting those that it affects, it could prevent danger from happening those said people.
So now onto my fears. Like Niah and Gali, I was pressured at a young age to strive to succeed, driven by the fear of disappointing my parents. I always did exactly what I was supposed to do because that is what they wanted. Straight As, drug free, alcohol free, blah blah, you know the drill; I was your typical good girl. Well, I got over the fear quite nicely, eventually. It only took 15 years of my life. Now it isn’t my parents that that I worry about disappointing; it is myself. I am trying to live life for me and myself. I want to get the good grades so that I can get move up in class rank so that I can get into the college of my dreams, and so on and so forth. I do what I want.
My greatest fear now is that of your typical, stressed out high school senior. I am afraid that I am a complete failure, or that I am going to be a complete failure sometime in the near future. I am afraid of what the future brings. I am afraid that I will not get into the school I want to get into and everything that I have ever wanted in my life will not occur. Sometimes when I think about this, it scares me so much that I start to freak out and stress even more than normal. Hopefully a year from now I will have received those thick college acceptance letters and several of my fears will have subsided. I think those fears came from my desire to do well and my fear of failure.
I am not like Leslie when she said she can’t even stand to be home alone for fear that someone will come in and kill her, but I do have my moments when I feel somewhat like that. Certain weekends when my mom goes out (she is such a partier!), I am sometimes left home alone, with no brother and no dog around. I straight up live in the sticks, Laureldale, and at night, the outdoors are pitch black. It is almost the scariest thing for me, almost. This is probably why when I am older and living alone I will have a German Shepard sleeping at my feet, and a pocket tazer in my nightstand.
My fears have changed and evolved with each new experience I go through. I grew out of the fear of disappointing my parents, and I will probably grow out of my other fears as well.
I am not so sure that I actually “deal” with my fears exactly. There is nothing that I do in order to fix or get rid of them. I just allow them to occur until it doesn’t bother me anymore.
I completely agree with everyone’s reaction to Leslie’s blog. When I first looked at it I thought, wow, that is long I will never read it, but then I skimmed through and it the story caught my eye. So I went back and read the whole thing. Don’t worry about anyone judging you Leslie because I think at times most people feel the same way just they wont admit to it.
Fear is the overwhelming emotional feeling that causes a person to have anxiety, and causes people stress. Fear can cause people to not accomplish tasks because the fear takes over a person’s mind, which could affect the body and not allow a person to do a task because of a fear. Joanna’s definition best explains the way I feel fear can work. “Fear is a captivating emotion that has the ability to overcome someone mentally, physically, or both.”
The first thought that comes into my mind about fear is Fear Factor. This use to be a show on television that had people compete for a $50,000 and the people would have to accomplish crazy tasks that required them to face many fears and overcome them in the best possible way. There were always different challenges, some included heights, some included water, and some included eating foods people would never think to eat. Although everything was tested to make sure the task was safe people still had to overcome the emotional and physical fear of the task they had to do.
My biggest fear isn’t heights, isn’t being home alone, and isn’t spiders or snakes, but my fear is the fear of rejection. I am scared of the unknown and whether or not I will succeed or failure, whether people will like me or not. I have had this fear my whole life. You can ask my mom or even Gary but I am always scared to do something new or by myself at first because I am scared of being rejected or not succeeding at it. I am able to accept a loss though but I am scared of loosing. I don’t like making phone calls out to people because I have a fear that if I don’t know what to say I will feel like an idiot. I don’t like doing things by myself for the first time because I feel like I am going to mess up or do the wrong thing. What is really weird at times is I don’t like placing orders for people to get my food but I like taking orders from people. I like the feeling of being in charge of my tasks.
I was telling Gary this story today in gym about how my fear affected me several years ago. I was on a soccer team but I was started to go to another team that was just forming practices to decide if I wanted to make the switch and join the other team. I went the first week to this other practice and enjoyed it but I really didn’t know anyone there, I didn’t know how to do the ladder, but on the bright side the coach was nice. The next year, my mom and I pull into the parking lot and I started to cry. My fear took over me. I was scared that people would make fun of me, and that I would look like an idiot doing ladders again. Although the week before everyone was encouraging me and was helping me with the training I needed help with. But this fear I had allowed me to stay out in the car crying to the point my mom decided to take me home. I allowed my fear to take over and stop me from playing the sport I love most. Later I eventually faced that fear and went to more of the practices and eventually joined the team. Everything turned out great and I had no reason to have that fear. Now when I look back upon that moment I want to make myself get out of that car. I laugh at myself now since I loved that team and I don’t understand why I was so scared.
The problem is there are times I can overcome my fear but then there are times like what happened to me that one night where I will let me fear overcome me. Sometimes this fear does keep me awake at night. Whenever I have to send something out for a college or when I write a paper and I have to wait to get my grade back. I fear the unknown I fear the failure that I might receive. This fear has never changed for me. I keep trying everyday to work on it but it will never go away because it is placed in my life just about everyday.
I have realized over time I have slowly gotten better at controlling this fear but every time I say that I mess up and allow the fear to stop me from doing something I really need to do. I am not sure exactly where this fear comes from but I think my mom is like me and doesn’t like failure and she acts the same way I do at times. It might somewhat be genetics but I might have also watched her my whole life on how she deals with situations and now I deal with them the same way. I just need to keep working on overcoming this fear and my life would be a little less stressful but that the same time this fear allows me to work harder. I need to take control of this fear and not allow me to stop doing the things I need to do but allow me to keep working hard so I don’t fail.
Generically, fear is a strong feeling caused by the awareness or threat of danger, pain, or evil; more often than not it is accompanied by anxiety. This isn’t the case for me however; to me fear is that uneasy feeling that comes over a person, that nagging thought in the back of your mind that makes you feel somewhat nervous. I have never been panic stricken by fear though, I have no phobias; I’m just occasionally unnerved by things which are to follow.
When I first read this blog, I thought, “Hmm. I’m not afraid of anything.” Knowing that the said statement wouldn’t be an acceptable blog response, I forced myself to think on the subject for a day. After this time of intense mental exercise I realized that something that unnerves me quite often is the woods a night. I often wander out into the woods day and night, because I enjoy wandering pointlessly in the woods. Anyway, at night my experience is similar to that in the day, I’m not afraid of anything, that is until I walk out of the woods. As soon I break the wood line and I’m out in the open with the woods behind me, I am extremely unnerved. I find myself looking over my shoulder and picking up my pace, but I don’t know why. It really makes no sense to me that I can be surrounded by the woods and I’m totally fine, but as soon as it is to my back I’m afraid. Some other things that have unnerved me in the past are the following: when I’m home alone and the dogs starts barking for no apparent reason and I keep hearing odd unexplainable sounds, the feeling that something is crawling on me but nothing is there (that really creeps me out), and that feeling that there is someone behind you or even that your being watched.
Honestly, I can’t really remember what I used to be afraid of, that is except for one thing. When I was younger I used to be afraid of going up in a line to buy food or whatever by myself; not at school or anything, just in public. I don’t really know why I had this fear, but I did. It’s only recently that I will actually go into a line at a store or whatever by myself. As I alluded to, I simply got over this fear and will go into any line unaccompanied.
Similar to Mike H, I sometimes lay awake at night thinking of the vastness of the universe, but it is not out of fear. I am awe-inspired by the unlimited possibilities of the universe, or even the multiverse, neither have been proven. I love the fact that nothing is fact and theories are always evolving; no constant is constant for too long. I think this is why I like chemistry. Even though there is a right answer, there is always some doubt; some things just can’t be explained and everything is open to interpretation. Not only that, but there is always more than one way to get to an answer. I love all of those qualities. So Ms. Bunje, as you can see I don’t just like chemistry because I’m good at it, I truly enjoy it for many reasons.
Since I’m talking about the universe, I think the best way to die is to be sucked into a black hole. It would be amazing to be broken into half after half, the feeling must be unbelievable.
Yet again I am going to reference good old Merriam Webster for the book definition of whatever it is the blog is about.
1.archaic : frighten
2archaic : to feel fear in (oneself)
3: to have a reverential awe of
4: to be afraid of: expect with alarm : to be afraid or apprehensive
To simplify that into what I think fear is would give fear the definition Fear is an unpleasant and often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. Fear is completely natural and helps people to recognize and respond to dangerous situations and threats. Like Caitlin, I too liked Court T’s definition that “fear = being scared”. I also agree with Caitlin that fear is a survival mechanism. When we are young you are taught not to do certain things, like touch fire and such, which creates a certain fear inside ourselves. We know not to touch fire because well yeah it’s hot, but we are afraid at the same time that it will hurt us.
My greatest fear is failure. I really don’t know why this is my biggest fear because my parents never pushed me to be the best. They were happy if I did my best and they wanted me to do that, but they never made it seem like I had to be the best. I hate when I have a goal and I don’t achieve it or when I actually try at something and still can’t get it. I think that maybe that is why I don’t like math because it usually results in failure. Idk. When I was younger I was afraid of the dark like most little kids, but eventually I grew out of that fear. I guess swimming started the whole fearing failure thing. When I don’t do well I feel like I failed and I guess that fear just seeped into the rest of my life overtime too. Nothing really keeps me awake at night because by the time I go to sleep I am so somnolent that I am quickly lulled into a deep slumber. But my fear of failure does have me stressed more so than it should be. Now that I think about it, like Hannah I too have a fear of the future. The future isn’t my biggest fear but I guess it ties in with the whole failure fear. I am afraid that I am not going to get into a good college, or that I’m going to injure myself and never be able to swim again, or that I’m not going to become a doctor and I’m going to be flipping burgers at a McDonalds somewhere with a million cats running around my tattered shack of a house. And no offense to anyone who wants to go into the burger flipping profession, it’s not for me and would definitely make me feel like a failure at life. I don’t let my fears get me down and I try to live my life not worrying about them, but they occasionally surface from the depths of my mind and I find myself haunted by them.
Fear is an emotion that is innate in all of us. It is characterized by anxiety, dread, or apprehension over a specific thing, action, or idea. For me, fear is more apparent at some times than others, but it is unpredictable. You never know when a sudden fit of fear will come.
Like almost anything else, fear comes in many shapes and sizes. I’m afraid of petty little things such as sharp objects, spiders, snakes, and basically any little crawly squirmy creature. This type of fear hardly compares to the fear of losing a loved one. Therefore, I think that there are distinct classifications that fear can be broken up into. To name my biggest fear is quite difficult. To be honest, I’ve never thought about fear much before and as I mentioned previously, I have several insignificant fears. My biggest fear, however, is probably letting my fear consume me. This may seem like a paradox, but it really does make sense. If I let my fear of snakes hold me back from some opportunity to explore the world and visit some exotic island in South America just because there are snakes there, I would be prisoner to this fear. Doing anything out of my way to avoid a little fear is absurd. The only way to overcome fear is to face it, to look it in the face and step on it like it was merely a tiny bug (or spider). In the past years, fear has been more of a “oh no, what if this happens” kind of deal. Now that I’m maturing and discovering more out about this big bad world that we live in, my fears are more abstract. I sometimes catch myself worrying about what the future holds, although I know that this anxiety is ridiculous considering my age and what I know I am capable of. Now that I think about it, I think this type of fear, commonly associated with adolescence, is a product of the pressures that our peers (and essentially ourselves) impose on us. We now realize that in many ways we are competing with each other- to get the grade, to get the job, to get the guy or girl.
For me, there is only one way to battle fear, and to put it simply that’s “just get over it’. It’s all depends how you look at it. Countless people have said that fear is all in your head. Know that you can conquer it without second-guessing that it may be able to overpower you.
When I first read what this blog was about, the first thought that popped in my head was that all us AP kids would be afraid of failing and sure enough, my assumption was correct. Surprisingly, this is not the case for me. I’ve failed enough times that I know how to benefit from my failures, but I can’t say that it doesn’t haunt me every once in a while.
I just need to add on to my blog that i did earlyer. About Jo's blog i can understand her fear for having an intruder inside of your house it reminds me of an incident were i was shot at in my car in Aruba. I wasn't really that scared though than. I don't think that i would be scard if someone was in my house either. that's just me though.
Fear is a very strong word and emotion. It can control someone and their actions for either better or worse. I find it amusing how everyone is stressing over college and uneasy when thinking about the future. This might be a reason why I live life happily, because I don’t worry about the future too much, but instead I live in the present and control what I am doing now. I guess I’ve been relaxed about school and life in general ever since I rolled up to Oakcrest, and that definitely contributes to my success here. But back to fear. I used to fear failure and wouldn’t attempt certain things just because I was afraid of the outcome, such as asking a girl out or taking a course because I thought I might fail. Now I’ve come to realize failure is a necessary part in everyone’s life and it’s the only way to learn and become the best person we can.
In the present day, I don’t really fear anything practical. Now even that I’m older, I still get goose bumps when climbing up my stairs. It doesn’t help that I live in an antique Victorian. So, last night I went downstairs in the dark to get a glass of water. Normally I wouldn’t ever dare leave my bed especially on a windy night like last night, but I was really thirsty, as if I had just been walking in the desert for weeks. Anyway, the walk down was nothing, but as I gulped down the water, I realized I was going to have to make a journey back up the stairs.
This whole fear of walking up the stairs or turning corners started all probably when I was about nine or ten. My friends thought it would be fun to watch the whole Halloween series with Micheal Myers. I don’t know that I ever felt really safe in my own home after that movie, until maybe this past year, but then I just had to go see I am legend.
So as I started back upstairs the wind howled, swaying trees outside, and making me uneasy about those stairs. As I approached the stairs, I saw eyes on my couch right where you would expect a person’s eyes to be, and I darted up those stairs. Even worse, I felt the zombie’s hand gripping my ankle and the startling scream from the beast’s mouth. These kinds of things don’t keep me up at night but definitely get my blood pumping.
I have found, when it comes to practical things, that fear can be easily overcome with the right circle of friends, so really I don’t fear anything but Mike Myers now…
Fear. Fear is when you let something hold you back from doing the things you truly want to do. Fear is the little monster inside of our heads telling us no- everything will not be alright. Fear can be best described as a negative emotional feeling based on the, imagined or real, thought of possible pain or danger. I have the typical naive fears that originated when I was young. I am afraid of the dark. I used to be afraid of the dark no matter who I was with or what time of day it was. Even though I am still afraid of the dark, my fear has grown up a little bit. Now I am only afraid when I am all alone and it is completely dark. Usually when this happens I find a small source of light to comfort myself. If I do not then I will just lie in bed wishing I were someone else and freaking out with every little noise made. Another cliché fear I have had since I was younger is a fear of ghosts. It scares me so much when something happens that is unexplainable, especially when I am home alone. This fear was magnified thanks to my very best friend in about the sixth or seventh grade. The details of this story are irrelevant other than the fact that it just encouraged my fear of ghosts. It does not help that I am surrounded by people who also believe in ghosts and tell ghost stories. Another fear I have is putting myself out there and being let down. Thanks to this fear, I am seen by most as shy and quiet, and though I do not mind these things sometimes I wish I were a little more outgoing. If that were the case a lot more people would get the chance to know the true me. My fourth major fear is losing the ones that I love. This fear originated when I lost my pop-pop after being his best friend, his right hand. I am not quite sure if it is more a fear of losing someone else or just not being able to let go of the past. These four fears are my biggest and scariest fears. I have had these fears for as long as I can remember. My fears of the dark have lessoned and my fears of ghosts started small, had their peak, and are their way onto a decline. My fear of showing my true self and not being accepted has not really increased or decreased it has remained constant. My fear of losing loved ones is not as intense as it was a couple of years ago. I have been slowly coming to realize that things happen and no one can control it. My four major fears. I am not quite sure if I will ever get over the last two, but I am hoping the first two go away sometime in the near future.
=D
It feels like i am so familiar with fear. After all, it is one of the many feelings in life that is unscapable. We, as human beings, each establish our own definition of fear. However, I was never asked to explain what it meant to me. It is a tough question, being that it is used in so many ways and for so many things, the word fear is quite general. In order to get me thinking, I looked up the word fear.
"a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid." (dictionary.com)
I agree with this definition 100%. I believe that fear is a natural instinct caused by someone or something in which we are afraid of. There is no way to forget about a fear that one has, and yes--everybody does fear at one point in time. We fear many things: illness, death, spiders, people, the dark, or being alone. I guess there are different levels of fear, depending on who you are, how you are raised, and what type of lifestyle you carry out. For example, if a child is abused by his or her parents, they will most likely have a fear of adults or getting hit. On a lighter note, one may have a fear towards snakes simply because they are ugly. ALthough these two situations are extremely different, they both come down to one feeling, fear.
My biggest fear is definitely losing someone in my family. For anyone who knows me, they know that my family means the world to me. I spend all of my time with them, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Not only do I think about the possibility of never seeing one of them again at night, but always. The "maybe's" and "what-if's" stay in the back of my mind at all times, and I know that it is a silly thing to fear. I need to stop worrying about what might happen to them, and just enjoy and cherish the moments as they pass me by. I think that I have always had this fear from when I was a little kid. I have always been super attatched to my home and my family. I was raised in a large, close family that would do anything for eachother and are always together. If I ever lost one of them, I would never be the same. It would be like a peice of me missing and that peice could never be found. Maybe that's why the fear of this possibility constantly haunts me. After doing this blog, though, I am going to try to control these horrible thoughts. I want to make sure to live without worries and be grateful for each day I am able to see my beautful family who I love above anything in the universe.<3
Wow. This blog this week is much easier than the last few weeks. Well, it seems easier. I hope it is. Anyway...Fear. I have many fears. I really do. I'm afraid of things that people shouldn't really be afraid of. But, before I get to that, I will try to define fear in my own words. Fear, to me, is somethings that scares people to a point where they aren't able to function correctly and are haunted by it on a regular basis. I guess that's a decent definition. Now, I will go into more detail about my fears.
My biggest fear is dying. I am very very very afraid of dying. I don't ever want to die or even get old for that matter. As a matter of fact, if the idea of death pops into my mind before i go to sleep, there is a possibility that I'll have an anxiety attack right on the spot. I hate them so much. Luckily, I don't think of death very often before i go to sleep so this event doesn't happen very often. But yeah, I'm afraid of death.
Another thing I'm afraid of are bridges. However, I'm only afraid of them when I walk on them. I'm always afraid that I'll fall off. Actually I think I'm more afraid of heights than bridges. But I really enjoy rollercoasters. I think I'm afraid of not being strapped into something at a very large height. Parking garages scare me when I walk close to the giant window things. I feel like I'm about to fall out everytime I walk near them. I hate feeling like I'm going to fall out of a window.
Anyway, I think my fears for death were worse when I was younger. i used to get anxiety attacks quite frequently especially at night. But I haven't really had one for a good half a year or so. My fear of heights however has gotten worse for reasons i can't explain. It's not too bad. By looking at me, you wouldn't know that I'm afraid of heights, even if you were looking at me at a high height. If that made sense. I don't like to show that I'm afraid because that makes me look vulnerable and weak and i don't want to be looked upon that way.
Correction: I'm not afraid of heights...I'm afraid of falling!!!
To be honest, I'm not really sure where fear comes from. I think it comes from something that happened to someone when they were too young to remember what happened. I think I'm afraid of falling because when I was like 2 years old I was balancing on my brothers play pen thing and i fell and slammed my head on the tv. I had to get a bunch of stitches. But i don't remember that happening. Something must've been programmed into my mind that made me become afraid of falling. who knows? After typing all of this, I've come to the conclusion that this blog was way easier than the last few. :)
Apparently, I have been neglecting my blog until the last minute but what the heck it’s not late. ^^
Let’s see, how do I define fear? Fear is an emotional awe that stimulates your nerves when you see something shocking or mind numbing.
I can’t say that I’m afraid of much now, but what interested me was what Mister C. said about fearing death but not really the concept of death but the feeling that you know someone will get from death. My fear now is technically darkness. Not darkness as in I need a night light, but darkness as in death. If I die where would I go if I’m not Catholic? I don’t go to either heaven or hell, but float into utter dark chaos. The thought of being completely alone and bodyless scares me to death, but I’m fine if I die, just not in complete darkness. That’s the only thing that keeps me up at night thinking, I don’t want to die because of that feeling. The only comfort I get when I think about this fear is that I have a religion, Catholic, and I know where I will end up, not floating around alone in some dark dimension.
Of course I’m not afraid of the same thing as when I was little, that would be almost ridiculous, not to offend anyone who still is afraid of their childhood fear. I use to be really afraid of that little doll Chucky that I would stuff all my plushies and dolls into a locked up box so they won’t get out, now I chuckle every time I re-watch Chucky, it’s more like a sick comedy to me now. Later on I used to dread “It”, from Stephen King, it would keep me up all night and I would refuse to go to the bathroom in the dark, I would carry some sort of flashlight and carry around a small plushy to keep me safe, although I don’t think a plushy can save me from “It”. From time to time “It” would pop into my mind and I shudder for a moment, but I tell myself, “Jessh, there’s no such thing as a monstrous clown coming out of the toilet or bathtub.” Strangely I’m not afraid of a lot of things that I should, since I brush them off by telling myself, “God’s protecting me and I won’t lose faith.” Plus knowing the fact that it’s all fiction. Hmm…Let’s see movies on the other hand tend to creep me out when they come out of surprise or if there’s a possibility that it can be real. But I have nothing to worry about because, I don’t even go to the movies, the only scary movies I watch are all from TV (Yeah I’m boring).
Let’s see now, my fears tend to lessen when I get stronger physically and mentally. By mentally, I mean the nonstop years of hanging around 2-10 year olds that are still afraid of the dark and that I have to show some guts around them. Plus I think my fears suddenly stopped when my older cousin came, that’s when there was finally someone older around instead of annoying little children that are afraid of the dark. My cousin made me want to toughen up so I can make her proud, she was like a bigger sister so of course I didn’t want to act like a little child. Now physically is when I train myself martial arts, I won’t be defeated by some monster!
And like I said before, I always thought about my religion when it comes to something I fear, I know it would be alright if I believed that it will.
I feel relaxed knowing all this childhood fear has gone out of my system!
Fear...hmmm... well it is obviously something that contributes to our daily lives, and if not handled properly can take over our entire life. It is something that comes in a few different shapes and/or forms such as the unpleasant feeling you get right before you attempt something, or a reaction to thinking about pain or death. Just because you fear something does not mean you have to live a life deprived of fun and risks and lock yourself in the house, but instead it can sometimes be a healthy thing to have to keep you from doing stupid things. It is one of those things that in certain times can make us all react in ridiculous, panicky ways that we cannot control. My biggest fear is well... I really don’t think I have a biggest fear, or one that consumes my life in a way that makes me cower away from everything I do. I would say that sometimes, depending on where and when I can freak out or just get uneasy in a tight enclosed area, but I think I am gradually growing out of that. Heights do not stimulate my fear senses, and nor do icky spiders or sharp objects. Yet, if I go on a more mental, nor physical thing of fearing , I suppose I could say rejection could be something that fills my tummy with an unpleasant feeling. Whether it be when I am trying to make friends, or get that “special” someone I just can’t commit because I don’t want to be the one let down. This would explain inconsistencies with things existing in this topic. Nothing ever quite keeps me awake at night, at least not fear wise, usually just out of excitement. I like to try and keep my lifestyle calm, and not get an anxiety attack every 30 minutes. The things I feared as an eighth grader, well I guess I could say they vary as to what I fear now because I was afraid of going to Oakcrest. I never wanted to go to the Prep or St. Joe’s which I got accepted into both of, I just wanted to be with my friends at Oakcrest. And of course since my class never really saw what this school was like they would say things like “your gonna get shot at Slowcrest!” it wasn’t a big phobia, just something I was very comfortable thinking about. However, now after seeing how great this school in actuality is, I’ve learned to just fight the things ahead of you and not to let your mind, which is very powerful, let you change your mind out of fear. the fact that I put aside many of my fears from a small child to now basically shows that it is not quite a necessity and that the things we fear now could look stupid when we look back at them. I used to be afraid of the dark, now I think about how I shouldn’t and this makes me realize how my fear senses are advancing for the better. I deal with much of my fear by just going out on a limb and seeing what happens. Sometimes the best way to deal with things is head on and this is exactly what I try to talk myself into doing, and needless to say it works very often. Now all I have to do is get over the whole giving up too early, thanks to the minor fear of rejection I have. But I am sure I will overcome it eventually.
first i would like to tell you my biggest fear. the Future. i am worried that one day i will not know any of my friends, or even my girlfriend. i'm scared i'll become something that i didn't want to become. I'm scared that in the future i'll fail. I will not be happy or not enjoy life. The future is the scariest thing i can think of. I know for a fact if i was given a time machine, i would never go to the future. i'm scared i will not have a future tomorrow or in the next few minutes. I might die. Death is probably tied with the Future. i'm scared of the end. Good stories shouldn't just end. I've always wondered who will come to my funeral. I want to see my funeral before i go to heaven or wherever the better place is, hopefully heaven.
I've been reading some of these blogs, and decided I wanted to start mine now (7:47 pm) so I can have a nice, long time to get down on "paper" what I want to say.
I think fear is best encapsulated in what several others have said combined: an overwhelming feeling of distress aroused by impending danger, real or imagined.
Reading this blog has gotten me thinking about my fears this week. I don't often think about fears. I echo Emily Row's sentiment when she talks about just living life and not worrying about everything and letting anxiety take over. One of the emotions I have always associated with fear is an encroaching, pressing, overwhelming anxiety that engulfs the whole mind. That is why I try not to let myself be scared, because it can overtake me. Reading others' responses to the blog has been comforting, in a sense, because I realize I'm not the only one scared of the big things.
Rachel, I really identified with what you said. If I had to put a pin on what I'm most afraid of, it would be of feeling insignificant. A lot of that was captured in what you said. I want to do big things with my life, be a vibrant, active, motivated, cultured person. I feel like I am that person, so when I don't get the opportunity to excel or I'm denied something, I get scared. When I finally came to the realization I wasn't getting a new horse, I was scared, because I didn't know how I was going to continue riding with just my old geezer nag. (Okay, sorry, Madison. But still. You're very old.) Yes, I could continue riding her as if nothing has changed. But I am a better, older rider and am capable of more, so I want to accomplish more. The fact I now don't have a horse to ride? It scares me. Emily Row also said people get scared of the unknown. That may be it in this case. Thinking that things are out of my control scares me. And, hell yes, I can get scared of the big things - college, the future, trying new things, really new things, being alone. Ultimately, I don't let these fears take over my life, and I try to just laugh and not think about them. To be able to laugh something off is the most wonderful feeling in the world. Sometimes, I know, I need to stop being such a control freak and let thinks "work themselves out."
I guess my unnaturally large fear came about when I was about twelve or thirteen and the Elizabeth Smart story came about. If you aren't familiar with this story, I will be happy to enlighten you as I have never forgotten the details even after five years. Elizabeth and her sister shared a room on the second story of the house they lived in with their parents. One night while the girls were asleep a man crawled into their window and kidnaped Elizabeth. At this time she was thirteen and her sister was about nine. Her sister pertended to be asleep and witnessed the whole thing. It took them many days to return Elizabeth to her faimly, but it finally happened. And I can't help but think, what if that was me? How do I know I am not the next victim? Maybe this time it will be worse and he will kill me or rap me?! For almost two years following 9/11 and the release of this story, I could not sleep anywhere where my mother and father were not. I would get all ready with pajamas and all to have my little girl sleepovers, and just before bed have a complete nervous breakdown to the point of actually becoming sick to my stomach some of the time. I have gotten much better after many years, and sessions with my psycologist. Yeah, it took a psycologist to finally cure me, atleast for a little bit. This is the reason I will not sleep with no clothes on. It is humiliating enough to be kidnaped and raped, but NAKED! I just can't fathom it. I guess it also is the source of my hatred for being nude, but thats an entirely new ordeal. It is also the reason I can not sleep without a blanket on, so that I will have something to grab or hold onto even for those last seconds to know that I faught. I don't feel safe ANYWHERE. Not even in my house with my family. My brother is hardly ever home, my dad is disabled, and what if this creep had a knife? There is nothing you can do then.
Men, and even women, like this have ruined our society and childrens sleep. I have even a problem babysitting. As I sit in my room and type this it is making me nervous and I am beginning to shake. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight, that's how much this effects me. I have constant nightmares about being kidnapped and never seeing everyone I love ever again. And the worst part of all is how afraid I am of being raped. Not only would it take away from my self worth, my it would take my virginity and that is worse than anything I can think of. He might as well kill me after...
I have all the litte fears like spiders and when someone jumps at me and being alone in life. But there is a difference between being alone in a world of people, or being taken and being force to be alone an empty.
And the whole "once it's here it's out of you," that's bull. This will haunt me the rest of my life, and THAT scares me just as much.
Kim said it best when she stated, fear is when you let something hold you back. This will, for life, hold me back from getting close to certain people and from taking chances for the fear that this horrible encounter could take place.
Fear is a terrible thing, but it is instilled in everyone. Don't let it hold you back, or you will give it just what it always longed for.
Fear is an overwhelming feeling. It is uncontrollable, though most attempt to hide it because some see having fears as also having weaknesses. Fear is the thing you feel when your heart stops beating for a split second as you sense something terrible. It has the ability to cripple those who let it overtake them, and provide immeasurable strength to those who overcome it. It’s a powerful thing.
This was actually a fairly simple blog for me to find my answer to, for once. My greatest fear is someone else being in control of me. When I say this, mostly I mean physically, but mentally as well. I think as far back as I can remember I’ve been scared or getting raped, kidnapped, mugged, murdered, and all those other horrible crimes the millions of sick people in this world inflict upon others. I remember vaguely being scared of these things as a child, but nothing like now. As I get older I’m only becoming more aware of the horrible things that could happen to anyone at any given moment, therefore increasing my fear. What made me wake up to this fact was that it happened to me. I really don’t enjoy telling the world about my life and all it’s splendor so I’m going to have to skip the details, but whatever. I like to be in control of myself, but in this instance I was not. I was paralyzed by fear, unable to think or move. I fear feeling that way more than anything else in this world. Because frankly, I don’t think I could handle it again. I am handling it now, and let me assure you it wasn’t easy to get to this point. I deal by telling myself the whole “it’s not your fault” line over and over again, or saying it will never happen again. But, the scary thing is that it could. I mean, there are crazy freaking people in this world. Anything could happen.
This same fear is the thing that keeps me awake at night. When I go to sleep at night there is a certain amount of time of quiet before my mind takes control of me. I start thinking too much, and scaring myself paranoia. Usually I get to sleep before that though, or manage to keep myself distracted. I used to have this horrible reoccurring nightmare all the time. It was basically a replay of what I experienced. I would wake up feeling suffocated and sweating (yay! hot flashes! jk). But seriously, they were terrible. I only get it about once a month now, thankfully. I think eventually it’ll just stop.
And Hannah, I think we’re all scared of our future. Mostly because none of us can be exactly sure how it’s going to turn out. The uncertainty shakes us up a bit. What I try to do is treat life like a suspenseful book. Haha Well, not exactly but I can’t think of a better simile. It’s exciting that we don’t know everything that’s going to happen to us. Ew. Imagine knowing how everything was going to happen and turn out. I sure as heck wouldn’t want to know.
Okay. I’m done. <33 kisses!
Sorry if it’s a little late Bunj, but I was just at drama till like a bajillion o’clock. Putting that aside, I definitely agree with Gary’s definition of fear as being an emotion caused by complete dread in certain situations. I also think that fear has varying degrees in accordance to the amount of anticipation one feels at the preceding moment. That’s a fact that I could support wholeheartedly.
In a shallow sort of sense, I don’t really have many fears. I never mind being home alone; in fact, it’s actually kind of fun because I can sing as loud as I want. Plus, those tricks I learned from the “Home Alone” movies could help in sticky situations! I LOVEEEE heights. Take me on a trip to Six Flags and I’d ride Kingda Ka all day long. I was there the opening day too. Haha. Bugs aren’t so bad as long as they stay away from me. However, I am completely scared of octopi, squid, and jellyfish, especially when they’re in my food. That all started last year when my friend Cassandra brought me some food from an Asian supermarket for lunch one day. It was very yummy, but there were fully formed octopi floating near the bottom. Those things still had their tentacles and even their eyes. Staring up at me as if to say, “Hello! Eat me!” No way. I started crying. Ew. Earlier this week I was thinking about devoting my whole blog to octopi and tentacle-y things, but that wouldn’t turn out to be a sufficient answer.
So what am I afraid of? I still don’t have a definite answer. It’s not an emotion I can particularly pinpoint, but that’s probably because it morphs in different situations. The biggest one that comes to mind, though, is my hesitancy. I am scared of being hesitant, which therefore makes me even more hesitant. If the need ever arose during band practice to control the pit, it would often slip through my fingers. If the opportunity to direct the band during class crossed my path, I’d pass it over to someone else until I felt prepared. If the ensemble missed the cue to sing during a song at drama and I knew where it was, I would quickly hold back with the rest. If I have a comment or ten to make during Bunje’s class, I’d most likely keep it to myself. I don’t know what it is necessarily. It might be just part of the routine. These circumstances occur often during my everyday life, so I just keep on doing whatever it is I’m doing. Plus, most people get used to the quiet Courtney anyway. This all rolls into one giant ball of anticipation. It’s not that jumpy, seat-of-your-pants feeling; it’s a feeling of knowing what is to come. Sometimes I do something about it. For example, I actually decided to direct a couple of numbers during band class today and I got some decent feedback. The hesitancy that I’m so adapted to dealing with constantly rears its head, so perking up some courage can be difficult. Then again, laughing in the face of danger and fear takes just as much guts. People deal with their phantoms in different ways, like Leslie when she turns the power down to low on her hair dryer so she can still hear strangers at the door. Leslie found a happy medium to deal with her ultimate fear. I guess I just need to be more bold and just go for the things that I know I can do.
From time to time I wonder if I’ll have that last satisfaction before I’m gone to see my funeral. Like become a ghost and see my funeral. What if in the future I don’t know any of the people I love so much. I’m really scared to be lonely in the future. I love all my friends, and I don’t want to forget about any of them.
I believe fear is an emotion tha shows great discomfort and worry. Another word that is almost impossible to define. I think I’ve had this fear since the 8th grade. Some of my friends went to the prep instead of Oakcrest. I luckily still have a lot of the same friends I’ve had since then but I’m worried about the end of next year. High School graduation. I have only three months to hang out with them before I leave for college next year. There Is a good chance I will not know any of my friends 3 years from know. We are going to be spread around the country and I probably wont see them at my college. I plan on going to the west coast. I want to see more then just Atlantic City and nearby states. I want to see all the U.S. But I do want to see my friends again. I don’t want to loose any of my friends at a large amount. I just try not to think about it at all. I just try to keep on keeping on(paradox). I decided I will talk to my friends by mid next year about this and I’ll try to plan with my girlfriend, when the time comes. Maybe I’ll be alright. Maybe I wont be. I just have to deal with it for now. But when the time comes, it’ll come…fast
Fear, above all else is knowledge. Fear occurs when you know that something bad will happen either in the near future or just at any preceding moment. Fears can range from the minor (I’m afraid of needles,) to the ridiculous (I’m afraid of turning into a giant blueberry like that Violet chick in Willie Wonka,) to the emotional (I’m afraid of dying alone.)
It seems to me that the thing that makes fear worst is uncertainty. To know that something bad “is going” to happen is far less frightening than to know that it “could” happen. Any certainty, even a bad one, holds a certain level of comfort for those who have it. That momentary flicker of hope is the thing that can lead to the most agonizing pain and doubt that the human psyche has ever developed. Fear is that moment where an ant struggles to escape holding on to the hope that the towering finger falling swiftly towards it may actually not crush it.
I think one of the most basic forms of fear is a fear of clarity. There are certain issues that men would just rather let sit than find the final and climatic truth to the situation. I think an example of this is when a person has reached the point with an illness that they are inevitably dying. The root of their fear is not just that their dying, they know that that’s going to happen, we all know that we’ll die, we just don’t know when. They’re afraid of the moment that the quality of their life is set into certainty, when all of their actions are done and you lose all control over men’s judgments of them. They fear the fact that men will for an eternity see the actions of your life and you can no longer change a thing about it. They look to the heavens and fear the fact that in a few brief months, weeks, or moments they will know the answer to the greatest questions of life. In one man’s death they can learn the things that philosophers have debated for ages and failed to discover.
As far as my fears go I mentioned a couple of them at the beginning of this blog. I am terrified of needles. Seriously, anything that goes under your skin just gives me the creeps. I’ve learned to deal with this fear with a combination of kicking and screaming and passing unconscious. Now, the blueberry thing isn’t a major fear of mine although I did at one point have a nightmare about this that scared the shit out of me. I also had a repeating nightmare about this gigantic sandwich that shot people (which I officially nicknamed “The Shootin’ People Sandwich.” But I can talk about that later. I’m also afraid of dying alone and unknown, but I don’t feel like being whiny and emo so I won’t talk about that right now.
In regard to Rebecca’s comment about Ragtime, you really shouldn’t worry, you’re going to do a great job. I admit though that I am somewhat terrified about the play too. My normal feelings of inadequacy is only intensified by my affinity for the character Tateh and my guilt I will feel if I cannot do him justice in my performance.
PS. I’d like to add that today at lunch I combined some animal crackers together into some sort of 10 legged goat which was pretty terrifying… just saying.
This question is hard for me to answer. I believe that fear is something that strikes the unknown for you. Fear is something that you do not understand. Fear can also be something that you refuse to accept the existence of. Most people fear only what the do not know of. People who fear snakes just do not understand them, all they see is a armless creepy crawling pest instead of an animal who controls pests like mice and are vital to the survive of our ecosystem. My biggest fear has been death and it has stuck with me all my life. It all started with the death of my brother. I did not understand this concept and that is what scared me. Whenever I would have a dream or nightmare I never got scared until someone almost died because then it was a situation I was not used to and that would be the part that woke me up. My fear has been the same since 1st grade when my brother’s death occurred. When I think about death I think about the unknown and the unknown is the scariest part of it all. Without the unknown there is no reason to be scared. People only get scared when they do not know about something like when someone does not understand snakes or spiders or lightning then they get scared of it. The idea of fear has evolved for me because before I did not understand what happened when you died and even though today I realize I will never figure it out so I will always fear death no matter how hard I try until I actually experience it myself. The way I have found most successful with dealing with the fear of death is to face it head on. Live life to the fullest and do not look back no matter how much you want to because when you reflect on something you could be missing out on something else that could impact your life even more than the importance of the thing that you were afraid of. I found that living my life in fear is not living life to the fullest. When the events happened with my brother, I felt like it could happen to me and it scared me really badly. Then one day I realized just because something happened to someone I loved does not mean that it will happen to me. I agree also with Hannah who said her biggest fear is the future because like death you never know what cards you will be dealt. Our futures lay in our hands, but you never know when something will happen that you did not expect.
So, unlike Felicia, who didn’t read any of the other blogs until after she wrote hers, I actually read some before I wrote mine. But that still didn’t change my definition. Personally, fear is the emotion that holds me back from taking risks. My fears determine my choices about what I should do, or say, or think, and sometimes they negatively effect the outcomes rather than helping me.
Although most AP kids are afraid of failure, that is almost last on my list. I have my typical fears, such as snakes, clowns, and the dark (yes, I’m 17 years old and I’m still afraid of the dark.). But failure does not scare me as much as disappointment, regret, and the unknown.
Just like Gary, I am scared to disappoint someone, whether its disappointing myself, or disappointing someone else. Gary said that if he fails, but he knows he did his best, that is not half as bad as when he fails because he didn’t do his best. That sums up how I feel as well. Failure is not scary, disappointment is. But disappointing the people I care about is even worse! That scares the sh** out of me!
Disappointment and regret run hand in hand. I usually do not feel regret without feeling disappointed, or like I disappointed someone. But regret is disappointment times ten! Make it twenty! Regret is probably one of my biggest fears. I like to have control over my life and when I regret something, I don’t have the power to go back and fix it.
THE UNKNOWN. I am and AP student because I like to know things. When I don’t know something, I look it up. So the unknown is really ominous. That would probably be one of my greatest fears. That is why the dark scares me, that is why tomorrow scares me, and that is why the future scares me. I wouldn’t say that it keeps me up at night. Nothing really can, besides caffeine.
My main fears, regret, disappointment, and the unknown, have all pretty much remained the same throughout my life. It’s the minor fears that have changed. In eighth grade, I was obviously scared to go into high school. In freshman year, it was of applications and midterms and finals. Sophomore year was of AP classes, and the exams that cam along with them. The evolution of my fears is the typical one that probably everyone has gone through. It is nothing
I really don’t deal with fear very well. My only method is to take it one day at a time, and not ponder on the things that scare me unless I’m trying to avoid them. Fear is not something I cope well with. I’m not a firm believer of “overcoming your fears”. I’m more of an “avoid your fears” kind of person.
The blog says to define the idea of fear, not what fear actually is. Therefore, there are millions of different ways fear can be interpreted. For me, I have several opinions about the idea of fear. I think that everyone has something to fear, because those who fear nothing have nothing to overcome. Fear is not always a bad thing, but it can motivate us to transcend it. Fear, like many things we have to discuss in our blog, to me, is an intangible concept that someone dislikes or has a feeling of opposition to. The range of fears is limitless, to inanimate objects to everyday instruments of the trade. Fear seeps through the cracks in ones self armor to create a controversy in the mind, a weak feeling difficult to overcome. It rushes through the body like a fog, forcing the person to become scared, uneasy, or tense.
My biggest fear, changes on a sporadic basis, but most of the time it is not something concrete. I like to have things in my control and when things start to slip out of that control, I start to panic. I am not a OCD freak or anything, but when things unfavorably tend to slide in the opposite direction I intended them from going, I start to worry. Another that gets me is the fear of the unknown. Some days I wake up ready to take on something new and exciting, but there are the equal share of nights that keep me awake, staring at the same tree branches and same streetlight though the lightly dense woods wondering what is out there, and what I can do with my life. I get caught up in the allure of trying to do something great, and the thought of failure overcomes my body. I hate losing, and I am scared of failing. The multitude of thoughts that rip through my mind are always negative, the people I disappoint, the things I fail to do, but most of all, the fact that I let myself down.
As far as the evolution question posed, I do think that fears change from different age groups. When I was in 8th grade, the last thing I was losing sleep over was where I would get to college and if I would become what I want to be. I was more afraid of material things when I was a young lad, like the dark, getting in trouble, and spiders. It only makes sense that the more we mature and come of age, the more detached we become of things in the past. We no longer feel the same about material objects, and have a whole new, profound grasp on the things that we were afraid to even scratch the surface of. After taking a few moments to reflect on my past, I noticed that yes, our fears do change, but it is a direct result of how we mature and how we fulfill our roles as students, classmates, friends, and people.
As far as what zander said at the end of his blog, I kind of figured out on my own on those sleepless nights. I realize how caught up I am and tell myself to let it all come naturally and everything will fall the way its supposed to. Intervening with what is meant to be is a sin, and that is something to worry about inside itself. But like Zander said, I guess ill have to let it come, whatever it is, ill be ready.
As usual, I will start my quest for a definition for a difficult-to-define word on the Internet. According to Dictionary.com, fear is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. I think that this definition most encompasses what I think of when I think of the word “fear.” Today, you can find a phobia for almost anything, from arachnophobia (fear of spiders) to acrophobia (fear of heights). I even saw a person on the television program “Maury” who was afraid of balloons. Balloons!
My fears, however, abound from the universal fear of failure. For the most part, I do not lose sleep because of this fear, but I will say that I am sometimes preoccupied by it. Besides, it’s hard to keep me awake at night because I usually fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. And I listen to music while I sleep, which tends to make my mind off of thoughts outside of the lyrics and melodies of the songs. But, anyway, my preoccupations with failure have been drilled into my head since I was young. My parents have always told me, “If you do good things, then good things happen; if you do bad things, then bad things happen.” I have always wanted to live by this saying because I do not want to let my friends or my family down. I can’t handle people I love being mad at me.
I also can’t handle knowing that I am the one who has let others down. When I play in a soccer game, there are times when I try to do too much because I want to be in control of my destiny because of this fact. So, in pressure situations, I want to be the one with the ball. Thus, instead of hiding from my fear of failure, I embrace it and challenge it. Sometimes I win, sometimes failure wins. But the fact that I do my best and “step up to the plate” gives me some consolation when things don’t go my way.
A more concrete fear of mine is the fear of clowns. To me, ever since I was a toddler, clowns have been things that trigger my fear. Like Leslie with her interesting account of people randomly showing up in her house or Ms. Bunje with guys coming up behind her if she has her hair in a ponytail, I have anxiety when it comes to clowns. And I don’t know what it is about them. The makeup? The association with carnies? The notion that they seem dirty? I don’t know what it is about them, but I do know that they freak me out. Perhaps someone could help me out because I know that I cannot possibly be the only person who is afraid of clowns.
P.S. – I’m going to decorate my mailbox with a special pin tomorrow. It basically sums up my fear.
P. P. S. – Dave, I think about how far the universe goes and whatnot all the time.
P. P. P. S. - First to post and last to post! Yay!
I just wanted to comment on what Monica said about my blog. You're right, Mon. How boring would our lives be if we all knew exactly what was going to happen? Oh, and i did like the whole suspenseful book thing.
And Jake, sorry to burst your bubble, but as of right now I'm the last one to post :)
To fear something is to be scared of it, and its outcome. The thing I fear the most is heights. Mostly it is fear of heights with man made things. Like climbing up the big stairs at the water park, rollercoaster, any other body rattling, high flying machine. What used to keep me up was the thought of change. Throughout high school, change is always right around the corner. No matter where, or with who, in the end change was what’s next. I always sat up and wondered how the next step would be, then it lead me to thinking about my whole life. For some reason, that always came off as a spooky thought. Freshman and sophomore year were spent with this fear. 8th grade the exact opposite, instead of fearing change I was wanting the change. I was fond the idea of high school and all the “freedoms” life gives you when you enter that age level.
Fear comes from knowing what could happen if what you fear occurs. For example I am afraid of heights like the stairs going up to a high waterslide. This is because I know if something freak happens, I will be in trouble. I don’t like roller coasters because I “think” something will occur and I will plummet to my death. To deal with fear, you must recognize what fear really is. It isn’t an instinct; it’s just a psychological thing. The way I deal with fear, I just remind myself that nothing can happen. When you do something you are afraid to do, it leaves you with a great feeling of accomplishment. Sometimes, its weird but I think being afraid is weird. In addition I always remind myself that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark side, and we don’t want that!
I like what Rebecca wrote. She talked about the other kind of fear. She talks about wanting to succeed because she has a fear of failure. I agree with her, it is scary wondering how you are spending your high school days. It doesn’t always feel right.
Not uh, Hannah! I will succeed in my objective to be first and last to post.
Jake, I'm not going to lose.
No, Hannah, you are.
I WILL fight to the death. I hope you know that, Jake Taylor.
Last post.
MIKEY!
Real last to post. Period. Game Over. Case closed.
Did you really think I wouldn't see that, Jake?
Yes I did. Jake = Winner
Jake=Loser. I win.
69th comment. I win
You may have posted the 69th comment, but you're not winning.
LAST COMMENT EVER.
Why are we even still on this blog?!
Because Jake and I are stubborn and refuse to give up.
Okay. This is getting ridiculous. Let's just say I won and be done with it.
Oh Jake, you KNOW that's not gonna fly.
It WILL fly. Like a phoenix rising from its own ashes and soaring through the clouds.
Okay, Harry Potter.
HAHA. jake, i LOVED the "69th post. i win."
and guys, i'm now the last.
pause NOT. I'm going to win.
hannah, the whole point of me "winning" was getting the first and last post. so...how can you win?
I can win by not letting you get the last post.
this is jake right now. f'real. i win.
Nope. Definitely not.
Hannah, don't you have a life? Why don't you hop off of the computer and just let me get this last post!
Jake, this is getting out of hand. Just face it, you lose.
Alright. The person who gets the 100th comment wins.
Depends on what? Whether you are the first or not? You're so selfish Hannah. Gosh!
Oh calm down.
YOU CALM DOWN!!!!!!!!
I'm perfectly calm, angry.
My name is Jake, thank you very much.
Look like I have won being that it's been one week since the last post.
I disagree.
You said until 100, so that's how it's staying.
okay
but im still going to win
like
right
now
!
hah there's 101! which means i win.
how? i got the 100th comment so I won. duh. there are no loopholes in this challenge.
ugh fine. You win this one.
i'm glad you have finally conceded, my worthy adversary.
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