Ahh..spring pause.
I was driving today, no particlular destination, and I passed four different high schools. All of them, every one, listed the message "Spring Break 21-30" on their signs. Meaning, while we troop back into the hallowed halls of the Oak tomorrow, the kids and teachers that call those other four schools "home" will still be sleeping and wondering what to do with their day. Now, probably you guys think that I am telling you this because it aggravated me to know that our spring break is probably the shortest in the state (while our school day is, in fact, the longest--go figure), but that is not actually the case. Of course, I could use another day off--I didn't get to finish everything I needed to get done, does anyone?--but to be quite honest, there is a certain level of comfort in knowing that I have somewhere to be with people who are expecting me to be there. Or maybe I just miss you fools. I don't know what it is exactly, but the fact is I am not all that upset to be going back to school tomorrow. Last week you talked about "happy places," well, mine, hokey as it seems, is 204. From 7:20 til 2:35 there is no place on earth I would rather be, honestly. I hate school when you all aren't there--a school without kids in it seems to me to be the loneliest, saddest place on earth. But there is something about the energy that exists in a school, all of that potential, all of those dreams; colliding, meshing, expanding and reforming...it gives me the chills and I thank Buddha, God and all that is holy that I get to be a part of it for 180 days a year.
But..I digress. Well, technically I haven't digressed exactly since I didn't start making a point yet. But anyway...onto this week's musings.
Reading over previous postings and thinking about what I know about each of you individually offered me an insightful glimpse into a collective psyche. Most, if not all, of you have two fundamental fears: 1, the idea of change and/or 2, the possibility of making the "wrong" choice. Now, I know that there are plenty of people who will tell me that the idea of change, especially if it includes a change of scenery from sunny Mays Landing/Mullica to just about anywhere else would be welcomed with open arms and a huge, block-lettered sign. But, despite the wanderlust or pre-"senioritis" that you have all felt creeping in on you, you have to admit that, at its core, change is a scary proposition. After all, the intrinsic nature of change is that of the unknown, the unchartered, the unfamiliar and the unrevealed.
So, if you are one of the restless souls who yearns for change--what is it about it that is so appealing to you? What do you hope the changes you want to seek out, to undergo or to witness will mean for you, your future, your life? On the other hand, if you are one who double locks the door when change comes a-knockin', tell me what it is about the prospect of it that fightens you. What do you think might happen?
Now, one of Change's many dance partners is Choice. Right/wrong, smart/stupid, bad/ good..choice exists and you are confronted with the notion of it every single day. Sometimes, these are choices of epic proportions--break-up or stay together; cut class to get that paper done or suck it up and take a zero; confront the back-stabbing friend or let it go; get high just this once or walk away never knowing; and sometimes it can be as inconsequential as chicken patty or PB&J. Either way, your mind has a process it undergoes when you have to make a choice. Tell me about it. Do your weigh all your options and consider possible outcomes, or do you dive in and hope the water isn't too cold? I think I am metaphoring myself into a corner here--but I know you know what I mean. When you are confronted with a choice--how do you make it? And, more importantly, why? A lot to think about, I know...
(450 words/75pts)
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End of spring semicolon; I'm so sad.
I think, over the years, I’ve faced a pretty good amount of change. When I was 7, I moved from EHT to Brigantine. When I was 14, I moved from Brigantine to Mays Landing. In about a year and a half, I’ll be somewhere new…again. And honestly, I don’t really like change at all. I’m always afraid I won’t fit in, I won’t make friends, I won’t be happy, things won’t be the same. Yet every time I’ve faced change, it’s always worked out. I met some amazing people in Brigantine and spent possibly the best 7 years of my life there. Of course, Mays Landing also had its pluses.
The biggest fear with change is exactly what’s going to change: the surroundings, the friends, the relationships, the familiar. I guarantee you that if I hadn’t already moved multiple times, I’d be freaking out beyond belief about college because I wouldn’t know how to adapt to the change. Don’t get me wrong though…I am freaking out about college. And I think I’m afraid of college because I don’t know if I’m going to pick the right school or if I’m going to be happy with my major or if I’m going to like my roommate. It’s the unknown that makes change seem so daunting.
With change comes many choices. Personally, I weigh all my options. Back in I guess 5th grade when I couldn’t decide which boy I wanted to like, I would write a list with all the good and bad things about them and pick from that. And then I had my back-up list consisting of the next four picks based on my lists that I made. Silly, I know. But it’s helped me in the long run…for the most part.
I’ve made bad decisions that have left me locked in my room for two weeks or scrubbing the floors. Those decisions were the result of diving in...and the water was definitely too cold. When confronted with a choice, I weigh the options and consider the outcomes and the people who the decision will affect. I also think of the consequences I’ll face if the choice is a bad one. It’s not like I enjoy being stuck in the house unable to do anything. And, if it applies, I think about the choices my family members have made and the way those choices affected them. For example, I make the choice to keep my bedroom door shut most the time. Here’s an example of why. Yesterday, which was Easter, my sister and I got our baskets. My mom barely gave us any candy but we got a molasses paddle, a marshmallow bunny, and another chocolate bunny. My sister left her basket on the floor in her bedroom and forgot to shut her door. Lily (my dog) ate about 3 ounces of my sister’s chocolate…which is a pretty good amount for a 12 pound dog. We had to make her drink hydrogen peroxide so she’d throw up and now she’s okay. But I’m not leaving my door open ever again because I could kill the dog, get in trouble, or make the same stupid mistake as my sister.
Change. It's one of those things that can be good or bad. Change out of the normal school routine- that can be good. Change to a different horse- that can be not so good. But then again, you never really know which way it's going to turn until it happens. Like Megan said, "it's the unknown that makes change seem so daunting." After riding Bold for years, there was "no other horse for me." Now I ride Owen, and I have to say I'm quite happy with that change, as awesome as Bold was. I think a lot about the future, and how different college is going to be, and I get excited. I like the thought of going to college, to try something new. Sometimes, I find myself sitting around in high school, screaming in my mind, "I GET THE POINT!" Sit at a desk for eight hours, learn stuff, alright- whatever. I get it. How cool is it going to be when, in college, class is like three hours a day, and I can focus more on my riding? So, that's definitely a change to look forward to. Change is a monster I'm not so scared of; I think I can handle what Life throws at me. It's his brother, Choice. We're not so tight.
The great band Guster sings, "A demon cannot be heard." That's how Choice works- he sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I'll be riding Owen, and everything seems to be OK. I'll tell him to stop, and we'll stand a few seconds in silence. Then Choice runs up to me with a sledgehammer, and thoughts start creeping into my mind- "Maybe I can't be a trainer. Maybe I just don't have what it takes." Then I'm just standing there, surrounded by 23 horses, but completely alone. Choice can actually help you out once in a while, though, too. Like today- we had just come off of a trail, and now the 10 riders were all in the ring. Sue had gone into the house, so I was to keep an eye on the kids (No worries- they were all experienced riders, so it was OK that Sue wasn't there). Well, without an instructor in the ring to tell the kids what to do, chaos soon ensued. Hannah was yelling at Kirsten. Stephanie was yelling at Hannah. Michaela was crying. Cecily was cantering. Christen was crying. Marc was revving the quad, and I was trying to convince a little girl named Emily to get on Owen. So, Choice walks up and hands me an idea- I must assume instructor position. Determined, I finally convince Emily to ride Owen (it wasn't easy, I had to swear to eat horse poop if he dropped her). Once she's mounted, I run to the turmoil in the center of the ring. "Hannah, what's wrong?" "Michaela says she's going to canter Pepsi!" "So what if I do?" an indignant Michaela replies, and shouting re-commences. Deep breath, Hannah get off, Michaela get on, no cantering. Done. Now Aladdin is pulling Kirsten out of the ring. I tell her what to do. Christen's still crying, I tell her to get on a horse. No, no, no. Fine. Sit there. Everyone else is riding, there is forward motion, there is now peace, if not for a little bit. Deep breath. "Maybe I can be a trainer." I tell ya, that Choice has a whole lot of tricks up his sleeves, and he loves to mess with peoples' minds.
So when it comes to choice-making, I say "do it." If it comes out horribly wrong, curse. Cry. Whine. Whatever. But at least you did it. (Oh, by the way, I never had to eat poop. That's my Owen!) And Change- let it happen. You never know, you might find yourself climbing up on the back of one great horse.
I haven't had to deal with change all that much. I've never moved before, but actually i have chaznged schools. From the grades of kindergaten to fourth grade i attended St. Vincent de Paul. I didn't really like it there but I was used to it I guess. I had the same peopler in my class every year so I knew basically everyone. I met Pete there in First grade and we have been friends pretty much since then. But part way through fourth grade, I told my mom that I didn't want to go there anymore. So, like a week later I transfered to the George L. Hess Educational Complex. That's a pretty long name for what everyone else referes to it as "Hess School." If that made sense. But I didn't have that difficult of a time adjusting to the new school since I knew a lot of people there through sports and stuff like that. On top of that, I could wear whatever I wanted and not the stupid uniforms. I didn't like them since I really don't like wearing ties.
Now that i think about it, another change that I had to deal with, which i mentioned in the previous blog, was my parents getting seperated. That wasn't a fun time. Not at all. It was a very difficult process to deal with on a regular basis for like a year or two. I'm sure exactly. But through all of thatt suffering, it has been a lot better with them seperated. I don't have to listen to them yell since they don't live with each other and it's just a better environment. Sure I wish they never were seperated but, for some reason, I can't picture them being together. It's weird. I guess becasue I'm so used to them being apart that having them be together would be a weird change. Oh well, I'm over it.
Anyway, now that I am older, I really don't like change that much. I llike things the way they are. I feel comfortable in my surroundings. When I am not comfortable I don't function that well. That sounded worse than what really goes on. When I'm comfortable with my teammates in soccer, I play a whole lot better. But, If I'm on a team with a bnch of people that i don't know, I usually don't play too well. It's weird but that's how my mind works. That goes for me in general. If I'm comfortable with the people around me, I tend to talk a lot more than if I didn't know anyone. But then again, sometimes I just don't feel like talking. Overall, I would rather not change if I don't have to.
Choices... I like haveing a lot of choices. If I don't have different choices, I tend to try and do something that isn't allowed. If i am at a resturant I always want to know what my choices for drinks are or the soup or whatever. Even at home, if my mom asks me what i want for dinner i usuallyt respond by asking what I can choose from. It makes my decisions easier knowing i only have a few things to choose from rather than an ifinite amount. As for how i make my decisions, I usually look at the consequences. If I'm going to eat taco bell, I make sure I'm npt going to be in a car for a long time haha jk. But it does go along the lines of that I guess. I just don't want to regret my decision later. So i guess I'm cautious, maybe too cautious. Who knows?
What Megan said seems to tie in with some of those weird “I don’t want to move, my friends are all here” type things. I mean sure there are friends to be missed, surroundings that may change but it all depends on you personally. Are your feelings really going to change dramatically after you move? I don’t know but I’ve always thought that moving and changing my surrounding seems to be an exciting event, in a way that is. But I guess I haven’t been too close to anyone to really miss them exactly. Megan probably hangs out with her friends, goes to the mall and chill there, maybe with a smoothie or whatever. Now me on the other hand have never been to the mall without a family member, never with any friends, how am I suppose to make a BFFL? I mean I have really good friends, but I’m not their BFFL, I’m just a friend. When you move all that’s left are dusty memories that can be swept away. Sure people can say, “Aw, we’re going to really miss you!” or “You can’t move, everyone will miss you!” but are people really going to remember you like a BFFL can? I guess I just want something new so I can start over and maybe be the class clown, the prettiest girl, the smartest girl, or maybe even the most talkative girl. Something like attention is sort of worth yearning for. Don’t get me wrong I love Mays Landing, but maybe a bigger house would be nice to change my surrounding. Hehehe^^
I have to agree with Megan that the scary parts about changing is the surroundings, the friends, the relationships and the familiar, but that can also be the fun part in changing. A new house isn’t so bad or maybe a new state with a clean environment. What’s so scary about changing for the better? Change is always around the corner so confront it. Everything that changes in your life can be added to your experience, like Megan, she’s now so use to moving around that it’s not so hard when it comes around again, but college can still be a little scary no matter how much experience you have.
Well, if I think about it more deeply, the unexpected is something I dread. I don’t know what would happen if I move to San Francisco, Miami, or Detroit, what if I get kidnapped by cannibals or worse, what if I get tied up in a closet filled with bitter bananas and no one would know until 50 years later?! I have to say these unknown events could really scare a girl. If I knew everything that’s coming my way, I don’t think I’ll be too afraid to change, but then it would become really boring. The unexpected can be either scary or exciting, it depends on you personally, since some people can enjoy a closet full of bitter bananas and wait for 50 years to come.
You can ask just about any of my friends and they will tell you; I am absolutely terrified of change. I can't exactly put my finger on the reason why; maybe the change in people, the environment, etc., who knows, but it is something that I have suffered from for years. When I was in fifth grade, my mom went to California for three days and my brother went to Puerto Rico for about two weeks. I cried until they both were safe at home. The fact that they weren't around and the house became so quiet terrified me and I couldn't bear it. Even when Bryant goes away I tend to get a little uneasy. This fear is one of the reasons that I am staying home for college. Don't get me wrong, the free home and food and intuition have a great deal to do with it, but I couldn't bear the thought of leaving home.
When I make small choices, I usually dive right in. Stupid things like what to eat for lunch don't usually affect me, unless I get sick of course. Big choices like whether to quit my job, what college to go to, yada yada yada are what usually make me freak out and turn to my gospel music to calm me down. The main reasons I stress so hard like that is because I care too much what people think. I quit my job because my parents wanted me to, I WANT to go to ACCC for the first two years and transfer, and I don't want to stress out anymore. I'm sick of changing my life for the better of everyone else's lives. The choices I make for my own life are because of other people and I have to change that. There is that word again, "change." But you know what, I'm not afraid of this kind of change because I know that I have to speak up for myself and make my own decisions for MY life.
I think I'm sort of a combination of Megan and Courtney. Or rather, I tend to be a Megan but try to be more of a Courtney. I make some decisions by carefully weighing them out, figuring out which would be the best choice. Others I just do and try not to think about it until after. I'll think things to death if I don't just decide sometimes. I can be ridiculously indecisive, spending restless hours trying to think of a decent solution. I guess I hate that feeling of regret, whether I did the wrong thing or missed out. I've made hasty decisions that escalated into big ordeals, yet I kick myself every time I miss something better out of fear. I don’t like the stress of knowing I missed out on something, the stress of knowing I screwed up, and the stress of puzzling over a choice I just can’t make. So, I guess I weigh out the possible outcomes, and pick the most logical choice when it doesn't matter and go with my heart and immediate gut feeling if I just can't decide fast enough.
I kind of did this backwards, so on to change. Or as Ms. Bunje put it, one of choice’s dance partners. Like Megan, I’m usually afraid of change, but it usually works out in the end anyway. I think mostly I’m just afraid that I’ll lose the good things I have. Like, if I was to move again, would I find the kinds of friends I have now? With things like college, I’m afraid that it won’t go as well as I hope and I’ll be let down, that I’ll be stuck in this situation that isn’t as good as what I had before. However, I can’t deal with monotony. I can’t just do the same thing all the time- I need change. Maybe not too many life-altering changes, but certainly plenty of smaller ones. I don’t like eating the same thing for dinner 2 nights is a row, and I don’t like playing 2 songs for piano of the same style at the same time. There’re just so many options out there and so many things to try- why would you want to do only the things you’ve already done before? I guess I like change when I have some control over it. I don’t want my life to flip upside-down on me, not until I’m good and ready for it. Overall, I like changes as long as there’s some constancy, and I don’t mind things staying the same as long as they’re still exciting and not monotonous. I think that makes me a combination of Nick and Rosy, too. :)
There it is spelled out in huge letters right in front of my face. C-H-A-N-G-E, CHANGE! Ready or not, here I come. I am always ready for change and always looking to make something different with my life. Whether it is from what I eat at lunch to the way I do my hair. I have a thing for change. I seek it and cant get enough of it. I love to dye my hair though I only do it every so often because my mother freaks out, saying that my hair will fall out. I love having something different happen all the time. The element of surprise is a wonder in my eyes. Now when it comes to more serious change like moving away from my family and home or going to college, I really cant say how I will react or handle it. I have gone away to camps, no problems, been on vacation with out them, no problem, but being away from them for months on end, I just don’t know. Personally I don’t think it will be too bad for I quickly adapt to my new surroundings and get on with my life. I guess I am not afraid with change because I am so up front with the fact that it happens every day, big or small.
As I have grown up my parents have always talked to me about all the choices in life that I will make. Some harder than others but all with the same great importance. They all in some way will effect your life no matter what it may be. When I have to make a choice my first reaction is to think what would my mom or dad do if faced with this situation. Most of the times they weigh towards the good decision such as don’t do drugs, don’t have sex, don’t drink, and so far I make them proud. Now as I grow things probably will change and they know that and so do I. Though with little choices, I pretty much make up on my own, but I love asking my parents or families opinion. I am a very family oriented person and value every one of my family members opinions. They are my mentors and my guides. When it comes to certain things I often go to certain people but I always see what they say and then think about it. Now if I don’t agree with their opinion which happens sometimes I still consider what they are saying and think about it all. I do a lot of thinking which sometimes is not a good thing. I like to weigh down all of my options. Though once I get an answer in my head it is really hard to change. I might try really hard but it just wont go away.
I agree with Courtney. Change- let it happen. Life is not such a bad thing and you should never fear any of its ingredients.
Just great Bunje; you have been taking it easy on us for the last couple of bloggs and now you throw this one at us.
Change, change, change. Just typing this word three times makes my heart pound at the thought of it. No one likes change and in my opinion no one can get use to it. Change is inevitable. Throughout my life I have gone through a lot of change from being that last born child and get mommy’s undivided attention to being second to last and giving all my attention to my little sister. Most of my life I lived in New York and like any child growing up you never want to leave your childhood neighborhood. I could just remember the day my mom told me that we were moving like it was yesterday. I cried my eyes out and just prayed this was one of the times my mom was just talking about moving but never really meant it. But to my surprise before I knew it I was in a jam packed car on my way to Atlantic City, New Jersey. Moving to A.C was different for me it was nothing like New York to me everything moved slow well that’s what I thought until I moved to Mays Landing where everything was much slower. Moving to new places means that you have to meet new people and as bad as it may sound forget the old ones. So for me I didn’t take this change to well.
Change can be for the good or for the bad. Sometimes people just need change to put there life on track. When it comes to making decisions on what to change I’m usually the one to over analyze everything and weigh my pros and cons on whatever the situation may be. I never like to change for the worst but I love to change for the better. I don’t change unless its for me or for someone I truly care about because I feel as though if you truly do love and care about someone you will change for them if they are asking you to change to better yourself.
Throughout my life I have in fact mad bad decisions but I feel as though making these wrong decisions have better me as a person which has made me change for the better and not for the worse. So change does have its positive effects.
When its comes to Courtney’s perception on change I wholeheartedly agree with where she is coming from with the whole “just do it” thingy but unlike her that’s not something I can do. I’m scared of the outcome of situations and I hate not knowing. So for now when it comes to change I will stick with my whole weigh my outcome process.
Change?! When I think of anything that involves change, my attitude and mood tends to swing a little. If you asked me the type of questions like is your room a disaster or organized, I would have to say overly organized. If you asked me to go bungee jumping off of a bridge or walk down the side of the bank to the bottom I would pick the safe road, walking of course. Going through high school, I’ve been crossed with decisions that I had to make and every time I take the safe road. I think this has to do with a fear of change and by change I mean trying things I would normally never do. But then when I think about it, it’s my personality to be a neat freak and not do anything outrageous or daring. I like that about myself, but lately I sort of feel like I do things I normally wouldn’t. NOT DRUGS! Just staying out with friends later than normal and becoming a little more independent. Even though that’s not a drastic change, it’s still change and it’s new. I think it’s the anxious feeling that gets me to just do things and not worrying what anyone thinks, to an extent. These changes that I am referring to are normal, every day stages that everyone goes through. I’m scared of college. I’m scared of the entire process actually. I wish I could just skip over all the application process and just walk into a classroom at NYU and begin to study fashion. Just last week the program run by Lead America arrived at my house addressed to Rebecca Irwin. When I first opened it I was like freaking out and so excited because it’s such a great opportunity that doesn’t come too often, but at the same time I’m thinking this is another step in the direction of college and that scares me, but I still want it more than anything. I love to travel and see mountains and lakes and structures that aren’t around in flat New Jersey. I’m definitely a Jersey Girl at heart here, but there’s the rest of the world out there to explore and I want to do that!
I think I’m easing my way into being a little more risky with my everyday decisions, but I think it’s only bettering me and giving me more experience. I still will never EVER jump off a bridge, but maybe just dangle my feet over the edge, if you catch my drift. I’ve got a good head on my shoulders and jumping into decisions is never the smart choice because I would bet you nine times out of ten you would have picked the other choice of you just thought about it for five minutes before acting on it. Change can be a good thing, especially with college because doing something outside your little box that you thought was your world could open so many doors and change your life. Sometimes I feel that sticking to what you know is right can be hard because of everyone else around you, but sometimes change can open your eyes and see what you were missing out on.
I agree with Courtney when she says change sneaks up on you. I guess that’s why I sometimes tend to make a rash decision when I really didn’t want to. But then there’s that other change that sneaks up on you, making you realize that there are other people out there, who want the same things you do, who know all the lyrics to Steal My Sunshine and who is trying to figure the same things out that you do. I guess I like change right now, but just wait until college. I don’t even want to dip my feet into that pool just yet.
I'm not completely terrified of change, but I can become a little uneasy when I feel that it's happening. I don't really even know why it scares me so much. I guess I just like what is familiar to me, and I really dont like having to grasp everything all over again. I still have the same friends from grammer school. I still keep people close to me even when they don't deserve it. I don't like the change of losing people. When both of my brothers moved out, I hated the way my house felt. I would constantly go to my brother Ryan's house just to be able to have the familiarity of having him around. Eventually, I stopped going so much. I guess, that even though I do hate change, it's not so bad that I can't cope with it. In some things I want change, like scenery, or a down in the dumps feeling I have, or even sometimes just the peole I'm around. I like new things sometimes, I like the feeling of adventure. I think when it comes to a change in my life that could lead me down a complete different path is when it truly frightens me.
I'm exactly like Erin when it comes to making small decisions. Like the other night, my friend couldn't decide if she wanted to go to sleep at 2 in the morning or watch Across the Universe. After about 5 minutes of listening to her bounce between the two, I turned on the light, got out from the covers and made her watch the movie. It wasn't a bad decision either. That movie is amazing!
But, when it comes to making those big decisions, the ones that could change my life, and then ultimately make me scared of moving on and going forward with the change, I always end up in thinking for days about it. I can't make those decisions quickly. I just cant walk up to someone and end a relationship, or confront a friend. I can't even make up my mind about cutting the class until in the class and I realize "I really can't take this zero." And then it's too late. And then I realize that I waste too much time thinking. That, I waste too much time wondering what I should do to keep my life a certain why, and then having nothing to keep my life entertaining. Change makes people grow. Making decisions makes people responsible. I am horrible with the both of them. I think I consider the outcome too much, and usually I imagine the negative outcome. I take forever so I can avoid change. They're hand in hand. The one affects the other. Making choices will always affect change. So I hope that I make the right decisions, and if it does trigger change, well atleast I know that I'm able to deal with it. Everything happens for a reason, right?
Change: I’m waiting with anxious dread for it. At the same time, I’m feeling excited and I want more than anything for it to come this second. I’ve never been someone who has “fit in” with everyone else. I’m good at school and I’m good at sports. I’m experience with girls, yet I don’t drink or smoke, and no longer feel the desire to ever go back there. When I was in middle school, my best friends were in high school. I followed their tendencies, and we’ll leave that there. Now that I’m in high school, and everyone around me is doing these things that I was already partaking in, I see the stupidity that lies with ninety-five percent of all the decisions made by any Oakcrest student. I don’t drink either, so there aren’t many people that I can hang out with that have these same experiences. I’m proud of what I can do, and that’s not alright with my peers either. Just because I know what I’m good at, I perform at a very high level at it, and I am not afraid to say it, others who feel inadequate must lash out in defense. The people who, though, can do all the things I can and/or more get along with me perfectly, though. Coincidence? Maybe, but I want change to come because I want to surround myself with people that won’t feel the need to lash out at me when I either try to help or take my well-deserved glory on my accomplishments. I want to get in to a college where all of my peers are brilliant, not just a few.
When I have to make a small choice, I almost never think about it. I’m not the person that will stop and think, “Should I do this or not?” In my opinion, if I say something stupid, then get over it, or if I do something stupid, get over it. If someone says or does something stupid to me, then I’m expected to get over it, which is exactly as I expect it to be. Isn’t the golden rule “treat others as you want to be treated.”
When I have the choice that I actually have to stop and think about, I weigh the pros and cons of each choice. If I go out with my friends, sure I’ll have fun, but it’ll cost money or I’ll end up doing something I know I shouldn’t. If I stay home tonight, I’ll be able to relax and play out some stress. If I go and hang out with this girl, it’ll only cause problems between me and my girlfriend, and my girlfriend is more important that hanging out with this girl. The biggest choice coming up is college. I’ll probably be able to get a full ride to Stockton and maybe Rowan. Rowan has a pretty decent engineering program. But would I rather go there for free and come out of college with a free degree, and maybe even a free master’s degree or go to an Ivy League college, maybe get some money for scholarships, maybe some for grant money if I’m lucky and the new program that gives money to middle income families is instilled by 2009, but leave college with over 100,000 dollars in debt? The other thing to think about is the situation mentioned earlier. At an Ivy League college, I can almost guarantee myself brilliant peers, but at a place like Rowan, there’s only a chance of being around these elites of society, depending upon the classes I take.
I’m a very logical person. I love numbers, I love consistencies, I love being able to see my goal, even if I have to figure out for myself how to get there. I make choices based on this, and I think about my future goals, and I base the bigger choices on this vision.
Sometimes when I'm walking through the so familiar halls of Oakcrest High School and reach a fork in the hallway, I'll stop and something will come over me. "You know what, Jo? You're not going to take the usual route to lunch up the 200 wing. You're going to expand your horizons and change things up a bit by taking the 300 wing." So, I'll walk up the 300 wing, marveling at the different faces I see taking a different route to lunch. Some of you may say that it might not be necessary to go a different way to class to change things up a bit, because ALL the hallways are so familiar. Some of you may say that the best route to class is the shortest route. Some of you may say that you should judge which way to take to class by completely avoiding the make-out hallway (corrider c), so you don't have to see the endless pairs of those "young and in love" playing a friendly game of tonsil hockey. I'd have to argue against all of these points, but especially the third one because it seems recently that EVERY hallway is now make-out hallway in Oakcrest High School. But that's beside the point.
I don't think I like change in itself, but I do like the buzz of energy that comes with it. This can be a positive energy or a negative one. A positive might be just breaking up with your boyfriend to date a new boy, and feeling those butterflies fluttering in your stomach. A negative energy might be going to a new high school for the first time and feeling rejection at the pit of your stomach. Obviously, I would much rather take the positive energy over the negative energy at the pit of my stomach. I like change because it's a new experience..an experience I can't have a bias opinion on because I haven't lived it yet. While I like the change of scenery, I don't like change in people. Alli and I always joke that there is an "Old Alli" and a "New Alli." The Old Alli is the Alli from last year and all of the years before...the carefree one who trusted others easily and who wouldn't let a single thing get her down. The New Alli is a little more reserved and protected because of a horrible thing her exboyfriend did to her, but is still just as great of a person as the Old Alli. Today, the Old Alli was back for the first time in a long, long time. She was laughing at me when I told her the Old Alli was back, asking me how I could tell so easily. It was weird.. I knew the Old Alli was back, I just got the feeling in my stomach. I was glad the Old Alli was back because that's the Alli I'm familiar with and the one I've grown up with. It also probably helps that I hate seeing her upset or hurt, experiences the New Alli has went through. I think I may sound crazy writing all of this in my blog, but to me it makes sense.
I'm not going to lie, I suck at making decisions. My parents get so mad at me when we go out to eat because it takes me longer to decide what I want to order than to actually eat the food. I think I pretty much overanalyze everything (especially boys), just because I'm scared I'll regret my decision and will go through all of the "what-ifs" (a stage I go through a lot.) But I've been learning to stop overanalyzing and just trust my decisions and not look back. It's really helping my live my life a lot easier lately, especially because I do what I want.
And Erin, I don't think it's selfish at all of self-centered to care about what people think in your case. You just want to make everyone proud in the decisions that you make and there's nothing wrong with that at all.
K that's about all I have to say now:)
Change, the unknown, whatever you want to call it, is exciting to me. Do not get me wrong it all scares me half to death, but weird or not I enjoy being afraid. The thrill from getting scared either from a new horror movie or a change with an outcome unknown keeps me seeking something different. With this enjoyment came my strong dislike of repetition. (Go figure my literary word was repetition) I can no stand doing saying or having the same old thing over and over again. I love change. I need change. Change can be for the better or the worse. I honestly do not particularly prefer one over the other. Change for the good is obviously going to be enjoyed because everyone likes things that are good. Changes for the better usually make you feel great about yourself and motivate you to continue to change things for the good. Bad changes, changes for the worse, always teach you a lesson. They can show you anything from waiting a couple extra minutes to avoid that burn on your tongue that lasts for weeks when drinking hot chocolate would be smart to not doing drugs because of the way your friends react with it in their systems. These changes affect future choices when in situations that involve these experiences.
The choices we make will affect us in more ways than are obvious. When making an important choice or decision the first thing I think about is how it will affect me and the people around me. If one of my options for my decision will hurt multiple people around me or maybe even me it is very easy to rule that choice out because I hate making others or myself feel bad. If by some chance I came across the choice of making myself suffer or making someone else suffer I would probably make myself suffer. I rather myself suffer a little and deal with it quickly than have someone else suffer who may not be able to get over it as quickly as I could. If the scenario calls for a decision in which no one will get hurt, I then move to my second thought process. I ask myself what my dad would do. My dad is a very smart man who makes great decisions. His decisions have made me who I am, I am happy with myself so far so his guidance is always looked upon when making a decision. If this does not help me then I move to what would I rather have my poppop see me do. This thought has stopped me form doing quite a few things because I know he is looking down on me and I do not want to disappoint him just as he has never disappointed me. If none of these things help me make a decision I usually go with my gut. The way I see it is if all else fails then my original thoughts on the situation was pretty accurate. All in all my decision, no matter how it is made teaches me something either about life or myself.
I remember last year after gym Jo, Leslie, and I used to go a different way to homeroom after our second period gym just to change things up a bit just like she does now in lunch. With the different ways we went we say new faces and started new conversations and always showed up to homeroom at a new time. Usually after the bell.
=D
My mom always tells me that ever since I was a little child I have loved change. Permanent or temporary, change is just something that has always been appealing to me and that I am able to handle extremely well. It's kind of funny that my sister and me are complete opposites when it comes to this. I would do anything for change, where she would be depressed for days if one tiny aspect of her life altered in the least bit. I'm not really sure why change is appealing to some and dreadful to others. I guess that it is just the type of personality that I have, or the fact that I have yet to expereince something that has totally changed my life. Maybe what I like is temporary change, like a week vacation to a tropical island rather than staying in Mays Landing or straight hair for a day instead of the usual curly. I have never moved in all sixtenn and a half years I have been living, so I never got the real affect of what it would be like to have to adapt to a whole new lifestyle. I think that people favroing change simply means that they are confident in the decisions that they will make and the way they will adjust outside of the norm. To me, I think that the challenge and excitement of change is what makes me crave it so much. Of course, I would hope all these changes to be positive and beneficial to my life. But I also know that a lot of the time change results from the occurrance of something negative. I believe that the change that I am faced with now and the change that I will face in the future will result in me having to make my own decisions and become a more independent person. As for decisions and choices, I am the most indecisive person on the face of this Earth. I have actually been thinking a lot about this lately and how I can not make a decision to save my life. Really, it's a bad thing. Maybe it is because I am still young that I have not perfected the art of decision making. I guess what shapes our character is the mistakes that we make and that we learn from by making the wrong choice. I know that my problem is that I weigh my options too much. I analyze the situation way too long and think about everything way too much. I have mostly discovered this about myself by evaluating my past couple relationships. I go back and forth between my options and end up with an even harder choice and struggle for myself. Lucky for me, it has been getting me to where I need to be. However, it will not always be like this. Trying to avoid making the decision and dragging out both options is going to get me in quite a pickle one of these very soon days ( as les tells me ). What I am trying to say here is that I tend to avoid decision-making at all costs. I always want the best of both worlds, and clearly I have learned that is impossible. I definitely need to work on my decision-making skills. As I get older, I am going to start being faced with many new and life-changing choices. I must evaluate them and make a solid decision, not attempt to settle somewhere in between and hope it works out. From college to relationships to friends to family, etc., I need to soon realize that what lies in the near fiture requires some of the largest most influencial decisions I will ever have to make.
Change is the one thing that I always look forward to and enjoy. I don’t know what it is but I just don’t like doing the same thing for too long because than I’m worried that I might lose interest in the things that I do. Also when something that I do that becomes annoying and or tedious I try to change what I’m doing as fast as I can because the longer I’m doing something that I hate the more time in my life I’m wasting. I love going to new places and meeting new people because after a while you learn what parts of yourself you just don’t want people to know or maybe there’s something that you did that you’re not all that proud or a choice that you made that’s coming back to haunt you. I feel that a change in scenery is the cure to anything that might be ailing you. It can very easily help you forget about what is bothering you.
Sometimes though I wish that I could just be fine with staying in one situation. It seems that sometimes when I get a good thing going my need to change can ruin everything that I have. That’s why I’ve been trying to pick certain things and find a place to plant my roots. Another thing that I don’t want to change is that I don’t want my senior friends to have to leave Oakcrest. That is one thing that I never want to change because one of my best friends ever is graduating this year and I hate it. He’s someone that through all of my changes although there were so many times where he should have just forgot all about me and never talked to me again but that god he’s still here and no matter where he goes to college I’m going to make sure to keep in touch with him.
I know what it’s like to make some bad choices, and it is true that either these choices have made me change my perspective or that one change in my life bought upon a choice that I didn’t thing through. That’s my problem with choices to though. I don’t take my time because it’s either that I’m too much in a rush in order to change what I’m doing or that the choice just smacks me in the face and I can’t even make a choice fast enough.
I need to just slow down my entire life because soon enough it’s going to be over. I’m going to just comment on what Rebecca said about college. I can’t wait for college if I get into the school I’m hoping to get into. If I don’t get into the college that I really want to get into I’m not sure what I’m going to do because it’s either I get into the Academy and then after 4 years of college serving for 8 years but if I can’t get in that I don’t know if I’m going to go to a 4 year college or just go straight into the military like I was planning to do but that is a choice that I’ll make when I come to that bridge. The only thing that I don’t what to happen is to lose all of my friends no matter where my life leads me.
Change can be good and change can be bad. It can slap you in the face or hand you something on a golden platter. It is different every time and sometimes I like it and other times I don’t. I guess I don’t yearn for change, but it always isn’t bad. It all matters what kinds of changes take place. For example, I like changing my room and getting new things. But, I don’t like changes that affect things that I am really good at and can’t do with change. Change is a really weird thing. Sometimes it is unwanted and yet it still turns out good and other times it just makes me angry because I can’t adjust to the changes.
Change does not frighten me at all though. I take it and learn to adjust. And if the change is not good I try and change for the better. Some changes that I want to seek out are to change from a high school student to a successful college student effectively. I want to make changes that won’t send me down a bumpy old road and cause me problems. But, id this by chance does happen I will fight through it and change my life for the better. The changes I foresee for the future are all positive and productive. And these changes I see bring me to even better places than I am now.
When choice is on my shoulder I sometimes weigh out the options and outcomes. If it is not harmful or something bad then I dive right in after considering the options. And if I already did something similar I dive right in. I personally never want to do bad things so I will fight and not choose to do it. I have strong choices and have reasons for everything I do. Not only are my choices strong, I can always choose the better thing. How I do this, I sometimes don’t know. My mind just seems to have like a click and always knows what it wants. It goes “Danny do this or pick this” and then I wonder why and decide what I will choose. I always quickly ponder about choices when they come to me. My mind flashes the possibilities or likings about them. And then I decide what I will eat or do or otherwise choose. Why I do this, it is all because I always want the best. I commonly search for the best. And I never want to fall to a nadir point.
Commenting on Megan’s blog when she says “The biggest fear with change is exactly what’s going to change: the surroundings, the friends, the relationships, the familiar.” I feel that change in friends is sometimes good because it brings you new possibilities and insights. And if the change of a friendship is because of the other person apparently they are not a true friend and why bother. Like I said sometimes surroundings can be scary. But other times the surroundings can be good and push you forward in a positive direction. Or just make you happy because it is a good new change.
So, as I read everyone else’s blogs, at least 8 different things popped into my head about choices or changes that I wanted to mention in this blog. It’s kind of like the first time we wrote the synthesis essay in that I have no idea where I want to start. I guess I’ll start by saying that I agree with Laina. I think that change is dependent on each situation. Sometimes it is really hard and sometimes it’s fairly simple. For me, change is hard more often than not. I think part of the reason I am not necessarily afraid of, but more anxious for, change is Mullica. When in doubt, blame Mullica. For pretty much all of my life, well at least the part I can remember, I have lived in this little town. (I moved from Absecon to Mullica for kindergarten). Mullica is such a small, tight-knit community that change isn’t all that big of a deal. I think it was probably in fourth grade that I moved from one house in Mullica to another. Elapsed car time: 7 minutes. Haha, it was really not that far. The house we have now is just bigger than the other. This change was not that hard because my friends were still within the same time, my school was the same, and the things I did were the same. It was simply a change in location. Then came Oakcrest. This change is probably one of the biggest I have had in my life because of Mullica. Oakcrest is gigantic in comparison. There are 5 times as many kids, 80% of which I didn’t know freshman year. This change was hard because I didn’t know the people. I was afraid that I wouldn’t fit in and afraid that the best friend I had since third grade wouldn’t be in my classes and I would be all alone. I guess this is my same fear for college. Unlike Megan, I have not had many changes of location in my life. College will be a whole new ballgame and one that I am confident I can tackle, but not quite yet.
These changes were hard. They are only going to get harder. However, there are some changes that are TOTALLY necessary. Monotony is so boring and I cannot stand it. Also like Laina, I’m not a fan of leftovers and I don’t like repeating the exact same thing two days in a row. This makes me think of Becca in English like maybe 2 weeks ago or so. We had a few extra minutes at the end of twelfth period in 204 and somehow she, I, Hannah, and Brittany got into a conversation about clothes. We both completely agreed that we can’t wear the same type of shirt two days in a row. For example, we don’t like wearing two hoodies in a row or two plain t-shirts in a row, or two polo’s in a row. It is just too redundant and we both are in need of this change. The other reason I realized I must have some change actually happened today. As some people who have been to my house know, my room is never the same for more than a couple months max. I am always rearranging it and my mom replies wit h, “You’re really changing it again?” And I just say that I am. It is something that I like to do because I can’t stand the same all the time. This is ironically what I did today. I wasn’t even thinking about the blog at all and I decided I wanted to change the way my bed faces. Before, it was parallel to the wall. Now it is perpendicular. In these cases, change just makes things more interesting and spices up your life. (Oh, I just have to add that writing that somehow made me think of Spice Girls? Haha I don’t know why)
Wow, I always start thinking I have nothing to write about and then my blogs are ridiculously long. Anyway, onto the sister of change – choice. The choices I make in my life can be tough. Most of us are going to be making all of these insane choices about college soon and I wouldn’t be surprised if at least 75% of us had no idea what we’re doing yet because I know that I don’t. When I think of making choices, the first thing I think of is Gilmore Girls. Crazy, I know. On this show, Rory (the main character) made all of her decisions with pro/con lists. This is how she decided between Harvard, Princeton, and Yale as well as between the two boys she liked. This method proved effective for her and I have tried it. Let me tell you that it works. When it comes to college, I am almost certain this will be my way of deciding because it is simple, concise, and effective. However, when it comes to decisions now, sometimes I am hasty. Actually, I almost always second guess myself after I have already decided. For example, my prom dress. I bought it this weekend with my mom. I went to Ideal to look for one and ran into Meghan Bee. She was trying on dresses too. We were both talking to each other and helping us to decide. I helped her pick hers out and she convinced me to get one that I wasn’t too sure about. After I bought it, I was questioning my mom about it the whole way home and wasn’t sure it was the right one. But now, as it hangs in my room, I like it more and more everyday. I guess they were right. I guess my gut and intuition knew that this would be the right dress and helped me make the right choice.
As for the harder choices, I think that my best way is to trust my conscience and think about what is right and what I want out of life. I trust that this, along with some factual knowledge, will ultimately lead me to make the right decisions about my life. It will help me adapt to the changes in life and the decisions I make to go along with those changes. In the end, everything happens for a reason.
Since I tend to relate EVERYTHING in my life to food, this should be no surprise. I can easily combine my decision making process with my yearn for change. Change. I want my morning routine to change. When I stand in my closet I want to grab and pair of jeans and any shirt and put them on and feel like they were made to fit me perfectly. I want to change this routine by sliding right into my pants instead of jumping up and down a few times. I want to change this routine by throwing on a cute, tight cami and not seeing every home to every cheez-it I’ve ever swallowed. Now to make this change possible, an obvious choice I could make is to eat healthier and exercise. Simply enough. Yet, as simple as it may seem, I could be given direct steps that I need to take to reach I goal, and still, for some ungodly reason, I never jump for the obvious choice. I tend to, mostly unconsciously try to develop other routes to take that will eventually lead to the same result. In other words, I attempt to take the easy way out. Notice I said attempt. I NEVER succeed. No matter what situation, I always find myself CHOOSING to take the harder way. I guess I am stubborn and have to figure things out on my own. You can very logically explain why I should eat a salad instead of a cheeseburger in order to get what I want in the end, and I will listen to every last word you said, but for some reason, I have to discover the steps that need to be taken on my own and I try to decide how I can eat my cheeseburger with out that affecting me worse than a salad. If this seems a little off topic, for once, its not. Bottom line- I choose to not change. What I may want is different from what I choose to receive. If you are bored and are actually reading my blog, please take a second and read those last two sentences again and really think about what I just wrote, I swear it’s important to my main point. Here’s a new perspective. I am dyinggggg to get out of high school. I’m so sick of the ridiculous daily routine, the same thing everyday. I can not wait to go to college-I am so ready for the change-but why? I love high school. I feel so comfortable and feel right where I should be. Throw me in a dorm room with a random person and I’ll choose to make friends but I can’t choose to feel comfortable or can I? I don’t think people are afraid of change. They choose to be. Watch-I will hop onto my college campus and make myself feel right at home as if that is where I should be because it will be. Now, still, as much as I say I’m ready for that huge change, I did question myself on if that particular college will be the right choice to take and if that big change is what I what. But if I can allow myself to
OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY perfect example!!!! I just completely lost my train of thought because I overheard my mom talking on the phone about me to my aunt and instead of minding my own business, knowing what I had to get done, and after sitting in front of this computer I needed, well choose to want a change-not a big change but a change. I chose to stop all that I was doing to listen to this conversation.
I guess I lied earlier. Just as I am clueless about what I want out of life, I’m also clueless on how I decide what I want out of life. I can decide something at the spur of the moment. I can drop everything and do something without taking the hard way to get to it. I guess I choose to change the way I decide things =] okay, now I’m just having too much fun with this whole choose and change thing. Which is pretty sad when I think about it.
What is it about change that makes me want to so bad. Okay, it’s like someone who likes to ride roller coasters while the other likes to take a train ride around the amusement park. Roller coasters change the way you look at the world constantly. They take you for unexpected twists and turns and do so without you necessarily choosing to do each specific one. You know from the start of the ride that eventually somewhere down the line you will flip upside down and you will drop 60 feet and you will turn left and right really fast but you choose to ride it anyway because your choosing to accept the changes that will come. For those who stay on ground level the whole day, looking at the world in the same perspective are not choosing to change. They could have change and they very well could like it but their choice is to stay the same. But what some of those passengers on the train don’t realize is that regardless of if they know where the train ride ends, they still can’t be 100% positive on what will go on in the middle. So why not just accept it, and initially choose to change-that way when unexpected things do occur you can be as ready and prepared as you can without being ready and prepared for anything in particular to happen. Live life with an open mind that ANYTHING could happen..so let it. Sure, your track may be set: high school, college, job, marriage, kids, travel, death…but, for me, I CHOOSE to CHANGE and I am letting my track be one of a rollercoaster and not a train.
and to comment on Blake's....I know exactly what you mean about being ready for change but needing to slow down your life because before you know it-it's over. I have been dying to be "old enough" but I will NEVER be 'old enough," but I will eventually be "too old." I will never be at the perfect age. there is always something new I am waiting for and always something old I am missing. I can't wait to get out in the "real world" but I miss believing in Santa Claus more than anything...which brings up something I’ve always wondered that could be a good blog question....
if we're too old to believe in the make-believe and were not old enough to be apart of the real world....where are we at this point in our lives? ...I guess change in inevitable- it's gonna come whether you want it or not
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I just wanted to comment on Leslie's blog because I am bored and am reading blogs at almost 11 at night. Leslie, stop with the tight cami showing my cheez-its. You are wrong. Also, I love your rollercoaster/train analogy. Very nice =)
Maybe it’s because I’m Nicks friend, or maybe I just always disagree with Nick, but I’m going to have to disagree again. I really do like change a lot. I never like things the way they are. I never feel comfortable in my surroundings. When I am comfortable I don’t function right (in a sense). Change can be good or bad as Courtney said, but it usually ends up good in the long run. Besides, nothing is ever perfect. So why deal with less than ideal situations or surroundings unless if that’s all what is offered. Nick said he does better with teammates he knows. Of course, everyone does. But it’s always good to add some new player and if their good, then you and the team usually plays better. And if they’re bad, you have someone to complain about. But the fact that change possesses the potential to make things better is good enough for me.
The changes I want to seek out. I want to move out west. I want to not be so busy with sports and school. I want to do what I want and not follow some curriculum and schedule that’s always second rate to me. And I if I live I will do that. The changes I seek out will hopefully lead to an awesome life. The changes that just fortuitously happen, though, I want to embrace. Experiences shape people. So bring it on life! I may not always like change, no matter what it is, but I want to deal with it.
Now I just read Rosy’s last paragraph. I think it would be cool to move to some completely different place. It would be sad and scary, of course, but I wouldn’t dread it. Kidnapped by cannibals? Exhilarating. Tied up in a closet for fifty years with bitter bananas? I might not like that if there was no water. You know water is kind of essential. I think that this is just the tv talking through my mind, but I dread change in a different way. Subtle changes seem worse than obnoxious ones. I can’t think of any examples. But I feel that big changes are chartered and familiar to someone. But the miniscule changes in someone’s life day to day or year to year are completely new experiences to a person. Sure some older, wiser person can give “advice,” but that was for them, how about for my life? Where is my future self when I need him, not to tell me what will happen but to steer me in the right direction.
Which leads to choice. Which leads to Mike Galli. I’ll just copy what he said, “I’m a very logical person. I love numbers, I love consistencies, I love being able to see my goal, even if I have to figure out for myself how to get there. I make choices based on this, and I think about my future goals, and I base the bigger choices on this vision.” He said it quite well. I’m a future oriented, larger picture person. But I like to plan and make sure details fit in. That’s why I don’t do what Mike does with even small choices. I feel every choice is the same. Am I wrong? I think so. But I have that fear of making the wrong choice. I feel too much pressure to do everything to the best of my ability and judgment. I can’t stand people who say I’m only book-smart. If I have to prove them wrong with little choices, I might as well give them equal importance as college. Like staying up until almost midnight to do this blog instead of better stuff (like other homework). And my seminar piece still isn’t up! Argh. I’m going to bed. I liked this blog, but I still have a lot of work to make up. Goodnight.
I’m starting my blog at 10:40pm after my track scrimmage, lifeguarding at the favorite Hess pool, talking James’s ear off about random crap that probably bored him, and taking a shower because I have so much energy right now. However, as I sit here in the middle of the living room typing on my mom’s laptop as she snores sonorously on the couch next to me, I am slowly feeling a sense of tiredness coming over me. Anyway, I’ll just keep typing till I fall asleep and pick up on this tomorrow. So…
I read Rebecca’s blog about change and I agree with her in the fact that I like having control and organization in my life, too. I tend to not handle change easily if it’s out of my control or my comfort zone. I’ve built up this comfort zone in my head and if I am faced with changes, challenges, and choices that deal with me stepping out of my comfort zone, I steer away. I don’t like that about myself. I like to think I can take on any sort of change with confidence and ease. All while I was growing up I haven’t been the one to step out and make new friends or say how I feel. Heck, I’m still like that. But things have changed this year. During teacher’s convention, my friend Lauren and I and our parents went to Boston to look at colleges. When we went to Northeastern our tour guide was telling us about his plans for the summer – he’s traveling to France on an internship. He said he’s put himself in uncomfortable situations to make himself a better person. Something like that, but whatever the exact wording was I took it to heart. Ever since then I’ve stepped out of my little bubble that I keep so impervious. I haven’t stepped out a lot, but inch by inch I make little changes – recently especially.
When I read this blog I kept referring it to my experience with track. For my entire life I have been involved, somehow someway with softball. Whether it was my mom coaching the Oakcrest freshman softball team when I was just a toddler running the bases with the high school girls or playing Rec softball with all my Mays Landing girlies or being a Falcon and running the bases. This year, however, things changed. I realized how important it is for me to stay in shape during the spring and summer months for field hockey and what better sport than track to keep me in shape. It was a big decision for me to give up the sport I’ve loved for countless years and to step into a world I knew nothing about. Normally, I don’t think I would have ever considered giving up a constant for a new opportunity, but I did. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. I’m glad I made the big change to track this year. I know I’ll never continue track beyond high school, but the learning experience I’ve gained from track itself and making a change in general will help me in the future. I know I’ll be able to feed off this experience when I get to college especially.
Now, before I make any big change or just a decision in general, I logically look at both sides before making a choice. I weigh the pros and cons, but ultimately it always comes down to what’s right. Not what is easy and fun in the present situation, but what is the right thing to do in the long run. Of course, when I read this part of the blog about making choices, I immediately thought about my current situation with this entire relationship ordeal. For awhile I was stuck with the decision should I stay with him and lose my friends completely, but be showered with undying affection, or should I break up with him, create new, long lasting memories with my friends and possibly move on to new, exciting people. This kind of goes back to changes, but I made my decision knowing the outcomes, the pros and cons, and the drama that would go with it. However, I also took into account the new changes I would face if I were to break up with him. I’ve never done that before, but I did this time. Maybe because I knew there was something intriguing for me at the other side of my decision. The decision sure as heck wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing and that is how I’ve always faced every decision. I face them head on, putting my emotions aside and looking at the logical arguments each side holds. It’s never easy, but I always feel a thousand times better.
Change to me can be good or bad. Sometimes I really like change and new things can be exciting, but occasionally I hate change. Just something about not knowing what to expect scares me. I like to know what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. I don’t know why but I just like knowing these things. For the most part change can be pretty cool. Going to new places and seeing new things and meeting new people are all things I like doing that involve change. When I was in kindergarten I started going to catholic school and I stayed there up until 7th grade. I was in a very small school where everyone knew everybody and you were known as a name and not a number. The kids I went to kindergarten with were the same that were in my 6th grade class, minus a few that left, and we eventually became a close knit family. In 7th grade though I switched to public school and my class size went from about 13 to 500. That was a big change. No longer did I have to worry about which pair of the same navy blue knee highs I would be wearing with my one of my gross kilts which I had to wear everyday. Now I actually had choices on what to wear to school. The change from private to public schools was a positive one. I met so many new people and I finally had teachers who knew what they were doing. After two years in GTMS it was time for high school. Not only would I be starting high school, but I was changing school districts. Now that was probably the biggest change I had yet to face. High School. More kids that I didn’t know, another school that I would have to learn to navigate, and I was pretty much scared out of my mind that I wouldn’t fit it. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be though and I am really glad I ended up here instead of Absegami. I’m not so sure about what I want to change other than the fact I need to learn better time management and to STOP procrastinating. If I learn to do that by college I think I will be able to do so much better in school.
Choices lol. I love how this blog pretty much is my life right now. Well this part of the question anyways. I have had to deal with so many different choices lately. Do I want to focus on swimming, or do I want to focus on track. Do I want to stay up till 2am to do my homework that I have to do after swimming, or do I wait till study hall the next day and hope I can get it done. Life is just full of choices. Depending on the situation determines how I make my decision. When it comes to what I want to eat I usually cant choose so I think about each choice and what I want more and what is healthier for me. On the other hand, when it comes to shopping I can be pretty impulsive. If I like it I buy it. No questions asked. For the most part this strategy works out pretty well and I end up liking the clothes, but every now and then I walk in my closet and see some shirts that I have never worn because when I got home I didn’t like them and just never had time to return them. Now that I think about it though shopping is the only thing I am impulsive with. Everything else I really think about how it is going to affect me. When I am confronted with a choice I seriously consider both options. I think about them for a while and then make my choice. I am always scared I will make the wrong one and I think that’s why I spend so much time thinking about what will happen if I do A or B. Like Leslie I can’t wait till college. I can’t wait to meet new people and hopefully be somewhere down south where it is absolutely gorgeous, but I am definitely scared I will lose touch with some of my close friends.
In a way, fear and choice make up who we are. We as humans make the choice to stay away from what we fear. We choose the action or object that we think will benefit us the most. Even if it’s a foolish decision, when you think back to why you did it, it’s because you thought that at that moment, what you were doing seemed like it would be fun, with fun representing a short term benefit. I am the kind of person that looks for new experiences. I find excitement in taking risks and if I like what I try I will do it again. Parents often ask their kids “If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you do it too!?” I am the person who jumped off of it already and somehow lived to tell others about what I did and how exhilarating it was.
Change doesn’t scare me because I like the mysterious feeling that comes with it. Change is a fifty-fifty thing. It’s either good or it’s bad but I’m not going to sit around and think “what if…” I will go do it and learn for myself. The one thing that makes me dislike school is the repetitiveness of it all. I long for change everyday and when it comes if it’s good I am content, if not, I embrace it and make the best of it. The world keeps spinning everyday, organisms grow, and the unknown will come to face all of us, it just depends on how you view change and what moves you are willing to play with the circumstances that are dealt to you.
As you look at the playing cards of life, this is where choice kicks in. None of us can escape change, but change will only affect you as much as you will let it affect you. The choices we make determine how we live and although outside forces such as family, friends, and environment help us make these choices, when it comes down to it, the choice is ours and only we can make that choice, whatever it may be. When I am faced with a tough decision I follow my instinct and act as soon as possible because I feel like life is too short to dwell on things. When that decision is made, what’s done is done and if the first choice turns out ugly, the next decision that I am faced with will hopefully provide me with a better outcome because I have learned from my previous choices and experiences.
As I stated before, I love trying new things and that’s how I live. My mom often gets mad at me when I live each day at a time because she is the person who likes to feel secure and have everything planned out so all goes smoothly. Even if I get hurt, I would much rather take a risk and see its outcome rather than live my life questioning what it would be like if I had done it differently.
Oh I missed you too!!!
Change…for the better or the worse, it happens. No body can stop change but no matter what form it is, mental or physical change, change happens. I love change personally. You learn and see new aspects in life with change. Your wisdom grows from each change to change. I’ve learned to accept change but I still get worried all the time. Change always has to scare someone, especially when the thought of graduation. Time and time again I here, “I can’t wait to get out. I cant wait till high school is over. I cant wait to travel.” MY and friends may say this now and its true we all want to get out…but there is always something that worries each student deep inside. Friends. I love all the friends I’ve made in the last 4 years of my life. I could go to every friend with a smile. I’ve known a majority of each friend before middle school. I know I may never know some of these people again. I’ve come to terms with that. How about my family? I’m going to be away from my parents and my sister. Sure I do have cousins uncles and grandparents at California but I am going to miss my parents and sister at home. Nothing is like home. So yeah, I am going to cry when everyone leaves. Especially since I know I am leaving across the country. This will be the biggest change of my life in that point in time. Unless I have a tattoo. California better be ready for ZANDER. I will never change myself but I’ll change everything else. But I know I will never forget anybody. Except for smelly…haha…Since I am on the topic of the future, choice scares me. Is it going to be better going across the country for college and leaving my friends and family away? I have no idea. All I know is that I am going balls to the wall on this one and just doing it. Like megan, before I make my choices usually I would take a step back and think of all the bad things or negative things that could happen. Only if it is something I know I would get in trouble with.
I do understand why people fear change and choice. No one wants to screw up in the world. Both these thing could affect everyone. But we just need to play it cool and see how it turns up. The only thing that we need to fear is fear itself. I love you guys that are my friends and yes Mrs. Bunje that includes you.
I’m watching Hannah Montana at the moment and I thought about how her life changed from Billy Ray Cyrus’s little girl too multimillionaire pop icon, TV sitcom star, and designer. In every interview that I come across with her answering the number one question, “How does it feel to go from a daughter of a worn out country singer to an American icon?” she approaches the question with a look of surprise and wonder about what might be coming next. There is no throwing up on the Red Carpet or doubling over in pain, there is only smiles and excitement. How? Seriously, how can someone be perfectly fine with going from an innocent nobody to an innocent looking big somebody over night? I mentioned in my other blog that change scares the shit out of me. Knowing that change can have a 50/50 result, I’m terrified of the 50% chance that I will end up with the not-so-good outcome of the change. If I was more confident in myself, I would accept the change and know that I can ultimately make the adjustment a win-win situation.
My moods determine my choices. Doesn’t that happen to everyone though? If you’re upset, you’ll make irrational choices (well, I usually do)
Ok, this is a start but I need to go to soccer practice. I’ll finish when I hit the door tonight
Personally, I definitely am a man who yearns for change. I have just never found a reason to feel complacent with the way things are. I mean, my life is decent, but its nothing so wonderful that I feel strongly inclined to preserve them. A life eternally frozen like a fly in amber, to me does not seem like a life worth living. I suppose that most likely the greatest reason for this is that I have some strange version of ADD.
You see, I can focus on things sometimes, but only if I REALLY want to. I can excel in any area that I’m really interested in. If I don’t care I’m just going to waste my time, if you want to see an example take a look at my calculus notes (Yesterday I got about a paragraph into my notes before I suddenly shifted to instead drawing a picture of Jesus with a katana.) The presence of change helps to keep some marginal variety in my everyday life, enough at least that it could have a chance of keeping my attention. Mostly though, I don’t fear change because I see such room for improvement.
The potential for positive improvement in my mind far outweighs the possibility of negative repercussions. At least, that is, in my life. Although it may seem cliché, I have a tendency to look at the glass half empty. I simply cannot see any part of my life that I would call picture perfect. I feel compelled to focus as much energy as I can to try and get things in my life to change until I have the sort of life that I can be truly proud of.
Change is such a loaded word though. Now that we’re getting into election season we can tell that more than ever. Our nation is yearning for change (jut like every election season,) and every last politician is willing to promise it to them despite how unrealistic their claims may be (just like every election year.) It’s because is an altogether divisive phrase. It gives us ideas of a better life, and we Americans are all too willing to jump on that idea. Change is an exciting concept, but it can also be a frightening one.
Most fear of change comes when we lose control over it. If change is to happen we want to insist that it is because we decided to make change. No one likes life being out of their control. The point of choice is to be able to influence change on your lives and the lives of others. Man must be cautious with his choices though so that he can assure that the change he creates is the sort he really wants.
While I do yearn for change, I have always been somewhat afraid of making choices. I have taken on this nature of, move now or miss your opportunity. Either I must think irrationally and far too quickly, or I get so caught up in my own decisions that I will never really act. Out of the too of these, being overly precautious is probably the greater sin. While thinking too quickly does make me somewhat prone to making impetuous decisions, at least its better than remaining silent. I feel like the only real decision is to make decisions from my gut, to shoot from my gut, and hope it’s a good decision. Not to seem too Colbert-ish I trust my gut a lot more than my brain these days. My gut just seems like the much stronger choice.
Felicia- Seriously, a Hannah Montana example? GAAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!! Why are people so obsessed with her? Ok you know what, I’m redoing your example… MY WAY.
Here’s what Felicia MEANT to say:
“I’m watching SPIDER-MAN at the moment and I thought about how his life changed from Uncle Ben and Aunt May’s little boy too pop icon, super-hero, and member of the New Avengers. In every interview that I come across with him answering the number one question, “How does it feel to go from a nerdy kid who can’t even talk to girls to an American icon?” he approaches the question with a look of surprise and wonder about what might be coming next. There is no throwing up on the Green Goblin or doubling over in pain, there is only smiles and excitement. How? Seriously, how can someone be perfectly fine with going from an innocent nobody to an crime fighting big somebody in Red and Blue tights over night?”
You’re welcome, Felicia. Just a warning, from now on if anyone mentions Hannah Montana in this blog I am going to flip out even more. That's a promise.
At some times, I embrace change with open arms and a bouquet of flowers. At other times, I double lock and barricade the door when change comes a-knockin'. To me, my reaction to change all depends on the situation and, like Megan said, what actually changes.
For example, every few months, I rearrange the furniture in my bedroom. For some reason, it gives my room a new feel. Plus, I just love waking up after I've rearranged my room and asking myself where I am. It provides some suspense in my life.
Another change I greatly enjoy is one involving half-days and days off from school. This is definitely a positive change. First, who doesn't enjoy extra time to do other things? Second, when I get back to school after a long break, I feel rejuvenated and willing to do work - especially if it's a shortened week. Tell me you don't love when Thursday "feels like a Friday."
On the other hand, I do not enjoy going to places where I don't know anybody. I feel like an outcast. For example, when I went to ODP (Olympic Development Program) for soccer, I recognized a few faces, but for the most part, I had no idea who anyone was. Of course I didn't really have a problem talking to other people and introducing myself, but I just feel awkward in those kinds of situations because sometimes people give you those "who are you and why are you talking to me" faces. That's the worst.
For the second part, I have excerpted some lines from Bob Dylan's song "The Times They Are A-Changin'." To me, they definitely embody my choice-making strategy.
"Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'."
Basically, don't be too hasty in your decisions but on the other hand, don't spend too much time thinking what choice you will make.
So, when I am confronted with a choice, I weigh all options and plan out in my head the consequences (good or bad) of my actions as quickly as possible. After doing that, I pick what seems to be the best or least bad scenario. Using this method, I don't have to worry about regretting my decisions because I can tell myself "I looked at all my options and I made the best decision based on the information that was there." This method has helped me out in my life for the most part, and I plan on continuing to go about making choices in this fashion.
I am not one of those people that desire change. Change is always hard on me because I can tend to be a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to my daily routine and my surroundings. I wouldn’t say I double lock the doors though. Maybe only bolt it. When I was little, I was always afraid of the dark. What little kid isn’t right? But then I am still afraid of the dark. But as I got older, I realized it wasn’t so much the dark that frightened me, it was the unknown. I could walk down my road in the daytime a million times, but under the cover of darkness, I freak out. But it is because I do not know what lurks behind the tree or in the shadows. That is the prospect of change that frightens me. Changing from something I know I can do, or I know what will happen, to something that I am not familiar with or that is unpredictable is like taking a blind person’s cane or dog away.
Though I am very frightened by change, once something changes, I just want to change everything. For those of you who do not know, I just broke up with my boyfriend that I had for almost two years. Talk about a major change. Of course it was really hard on me, and it took a lot a premeditation, but I knew it was a necessary change. Of course after that, I wanted to change everything. I cleaned my room, which if you know me I never do, I asked my mom if I could paint my room, and that is what we are going to be doing when we get home from vacation. (I’m on a plane from Denver to Baltimore as we speak). People say I’ve changed too. I’m never home anymore and that’s like the last place I want to be. I’ve made a lot of new friends since then too. Maybe not new, but I’ve become a lot closer to a lot of friends I had before. So at first, change scares the shitake mushrooms out of me. But once I change something, I can’t stop.
My next biggest fear is choice. But as you said Bunje, Choice runs hand in hand with Change. It is my fear of change that dictates my fear of choice. But so is my fear of regret. Regret is the big factor in my decision making. I do weigh out my choices and possible outcomes. In fact I’ve been battling a decision this whole vacation, and weighing my choices is exactly what I’ve been doing. I could tell him how I feel and possibly lose him as a friend but possibly have the feelings reciprocated. Or I could never tell him how I feel and I can have him forever as just a best friend. Eventually, weighing out the possibilities and possible consequences does nothing. All it results in is a list of things that could happen. Then it’s just down to decision making. Sometimes the list helps, but more times than none, it comes down to taking a risk, or not taking a risk. That’s when regret comes in. Will I regret possibly losing him? Or will I regret never knowing if he feels the same way more? Since I am afraid of regret, I take the option that I will regret the LEAST. And in case you’re curious, I figured I will regret never knowing more than possibly losing him, because the chance of losing him is very slim.
I wish I could be as brave and courageous as my very good friend Courtney T. She does not seem to fear change in any way shape or form. I know with that attitude, she is going to get far in this world, and be able to take risks that many of us might not be able to.
Change is a horrifying thing, no joke. I’ve not experienced many drastic changes throughout my life so far; by drastic, I mean moving away to a different city or losing a close family member. I dye my hair quite often, I’ve become a leader instead of a follower, and I’ve had to sing in front of people for the first time to try out for the play. Those are some basic changes that teenagers especially may experience while in high school. During this time, changes occur naturally and they’ll never end. We’re often faced with tough choices that may come hand in hand with change. It’s all tough to navigate and frightening to most. It’s just a matter of how well we adjust.
The other night, a blog-worthy moment managed to rear its (ugly) head, although fortunately, it didn’t involve me. This one happened to my sister, as much as it pains me to say it. She just found out that a friend of hers, who is currently on vacation, will actually be staying there permanently. This friend has thus far shown no sign of remorse for leaving; she can’t help it, of course, but she loves it there and can’t wait to stay. So where does that leave my sister, all of her friends, and even her current boyfriend? They’re all emotional wrecks because they can’t handle this sudden change, especially when their friend doesn’t even seem to care. Like Laina (and the majority of us, I’m sure), she isn’t sure if she’ll even find a friend that can compare.
Unfortunately, that is a perfect example of the type of change that is insufferable. I told my sister that this sort of situation will continue to pop up when they all move on to college. Many of us have dealt with that separation already with graduating friends. Next year will be the height of change; the big enchilada. I already know that all of my closest friends won’t be in the same cities. For example, Caitlin wants to go to school in D.C., Mikey in Boston, and myself in Philly. Who knows how often we’ll see each other? Who knows what other friends will make?
When it comes to friends and family, change does suck. But I am one of the general ilk that can accommodate interesting changes, like trying a new dish at my favorite restaurant, or deciding that I want to dye my hair red. One can’t help the trend of college-bound friends because they make personal choices that are more often than not unrelated to you. Not fun. I’m certainly going to go wherever I want to go despite family wanting me close or potential boyfriends wanting to stay together. Choices are a staple in one’s lifestyle; they’re drastic sometimes, like college, or considered to make one feel better. I don’t want to delve into the life-or-death situations, though, because those are difficult to decipher. Hopefully none of us will need to decide, say, whether or not to have an abortion or etc. So in retrospect, I suppose that I love change if spontaneity, bonhomie, and all sorts of good things come with it. To quote Laina, “There’re just so many options out there and so many things to try- why would you want to do only the things you’ve already done before?” I love that mentality.
In my sister’s case, I’ll have to agree with Courtney T. Change sneaks up behind you and bites you in the butt. Sometimes it reallllllly hurts big time, and sometimes it’s just a little nip. You can’t change the nature of change. It’s like the weather we’ve been enjoying lately; one day it’s bitter cold, the next we have pleasant, 60-degree sunniness! You never know what you’re going to get. When this happens, it’s important to suck it up and deal with it. That’s easy enough to say, of course, but very difficult in which to adapt. However, maybe someday we’ll all discover that, despite its arduousness, we might make the best of it and learn to change.
Change, whether insignificant or earth shattering is an essential part of the human experience, admittedly one that the mere prospect of is enough to cause me to quiver with fear. Well maybe not actual fear but I am at least apprehensive by the thought of change. Fortunately more often than not my apprehension is totally misplaced; the change is usually for the better. And is rarely as huge and or life changing as I first suspected. Like Megan said "it's the unknown that makes change seem so daunting." I whole-heartedly agree and I would like to add further that the key to adjusting to change seems to be finding an element of familiarity. There is a comfort to be found in things that are known and can easily be responded to, change by its very nature rocks the foundations of all that is familiar. Take for example the transition between middle and high school, which I had dreaded for most of the summer before. I feared the idea that all of my familiarity with how my education would be lost upon my arrival September of freshman year. Needless to say I realized that it was barely different when middle school. This always happens when I sense a change I worry over it and after the change passes it turns out to have been for the better. Despite the fact that over and over I have seen evidence that change is usually for the good and if not totally beneficial then there is at least some benefit to it. This doesn’t mean I despise change, I realize its necessity and in some rare cases anticipate it, but there is always a small voice reminding me of the lure of the familiar. And so I will continue to agonize over the fact that in about a year and a half almost everything will change, I will probably find myself far away from home dealing with new people and a drastically different lifestyle.
My attitude toward choices is a little different; depending on the magnitude of the choice my approach varies. I find myself prone to overanalyze decisions and then completely ignore the analysis merely to end the stress and agony over the decision. As much as I try to reason out the best choice I find myself making choices not based on what would remotely be the best but whatever is more convenient for the moment. In contrast to the changes in my life I often regret those choices not because I made the ‘wrong’ choice merely because I am constantly plagued by what might have beens.
Change has its ups and downs. There are times where there needs to be change in order to get something done. But then there are the times where I do not want anything to ever change. There needs to be change. Things cannot stay the same for life, but if life is going well I don’t like when things change. My greatest fear about change is that it will be terrible. I am scared of the unknown. Megan said it best, "it's the unknown that makes change seem so daunting." I do not like when I do not know what is going to happen. I like when everything works out perfectly and sometimes change does not work that way.
There have been times though that change is definitely for the better. I have left soccer teams before because there was a better opportunity for me on a new team rather than an old established team. Change can open new doors and allow people to experience new things that if life constantly stayed the same a person would have never tried.
Choices are what allow change to happen. If a person chooses to continue to make the same mistake or the choice, change will not occur. Change like Courtney said does not scare me as much as choice does. Choice has been occurring more and more lately. I have to constantly make decisions for myself and plan out for me future. If you know me I am one of the most indecisive people you could know. I cannot make a decision. I think the reason for that is when I do decide to make a choice I want it to be perfect. Sadly enough I will compare myself with Galli and Gary. Both of them make goals for themselves, and try to fulfill them by making the correct choices. I do the same. Most of the time I have to make pros and cons of a situation just to make a simple decision. Since I do not like failure that a choice could lead me to I over analyze each option I have. I make sure that my choice will lead me to the final destination that I planned for.
Right now in my life choices are very important to me. I have to weigh my options of either getting extra sleep with working on homework. I have to make the choice of which colleges I am interested in. I have to make the choice whether to go to a soccer tournament or a track meet. I usually have troubles with making a choice on what to eat for dinner. I wish there was always a clear answer to all these choices. I always want my choice to be perfect and that does not allow happen. Since choices and changes are hand-in-hand, that is the reason why I never dive right into a decision. Sometimes change is what will help the situation out, but sometimes remaining the same is for the better. These changes are caused by your decisions and choices and what stops me from making a simple decision. I fear both change and choice but I do believe I need to get better at making quicker choices and change can be for the better.
With change I’m usually pretty good. I don’t freak out over growing up or all the other million things that change in my life everyday. That stability comes with one condition though. I need to have some sort of constant in my life; something that isn’t constantly changing. For me, it’s my friendships. Knowing that there are people there who will be there no matter what kind of change I’m going through in my life. I can’t rely on all of my friends for everything; there are a few though I can count on no matter what, and that’s pretty much all I need to be okay. I just started thinking though... (Thanks bunje), but it’s probably weird that my friends are my constant and not my family. Yes, I always have a home to return to and my own bed to sleep in every night, but that’s not what I focus on as a constant. My family doesn’t provide emotional support, and I’m not gonna lie, I am an emotional person. I’m okay with growing up and moving out of my house, going to college, and doing whatever else I’m going to do. I know my best friend is going to be there forever. That’s all I’d ever be worried about changing; losing that secure friendship I value so greatly. That’s something I don’t have to worry about now though.
I’m the type of person who can’t do the same things over and over again for too long. I get impatient and antsy. That’s how high school feels for me now. That’s how living in this house feels for me now. It’s driving me nuts. Everyday I go to school with the same kids, same teachers, same schedule, same couples getting it in in the middle of the hallway, same everything. Well, technically the essay topics change and the homework pages are different but it all is the same to me now. I’m not studying what I want and I’m not studying where I want. It bothers me because I actually really do like learning. I can’t wait for a change. I can’t wait to graduate and go to school somewhere I chose to go and learn things I want to learn. And I can’t wait to move out of this house. It’s all the same here. Mom and dad are always focused on Melanie and Alicia, I’m always getting yelled at for something ridiculous, mom always has a stick up her ass, and dad so obviously doesn’t want to be here. There’s one thing I have in common with my dad. I look forward to moving out and having the chance to have a relationship with them again. I can’t do it while living under the same roof under their rules. I need some change in my life. I’m sure I’ll be scared for some of it, but that’s life. I’ll survive. Sdkljskg I wanna wake up where you are. I won’t say anything at all so why don’t you slideee
Sorry, I was singing. Where was I? OH right. Choices. GAG!
I’m a thinker. I overthink ever single aspect of my life. When I decide not to write essays that are assigned it’s because I’m thinking too much, not because I forgot. When I strike out or make bad plays at softball it’s because I’m thinking too much. Whenever I do ANYTHING I’m over thinking it. I’ve been getting better though. I used to think about everything that could go wrong and then think about what could go right. It was a tiring process that usually ended in my making a decision I didn’t really feel right about and regretting it. Now, I’m going more with instinct. I’ve learned to trust myself more and just go with what I want to do naturally. Sometimes I slip back into the way I used to decide things, but most of the time I can control it now. I don’t want to regret things anymore, and I don’t for the most part. I like it much better this way.
Megan, I hear you on the impulse decisions that result in being grounded. I look back on those choices and laugh though, because I’m always so amazed by how stupid I’ve been in the past. But, we live and learn. We’re kids. We’re supposed to mess up.
From the day I walked into 204 I felt a vibe unlike any other. The aura of the room felt much different that my 303 gen pysch class at 720 in the am. Is it the room? The teacher? Or the people? In my opinion it is a combination of the three, swirling together in a complexity of proportions that produce an environment that feels comfortable, assuring, and poetic. In this room I am willing to work to my full potential, for I know what will happen if I succeed. I can count on my wonderful peers to pick me up when my ideas are dull, or to use them as a rebound, throwing ideas up as if Nelson was raining 3’s. The point is, I like it in 204. But, I am also willing to find out if there is another classroom out there like it.
With zero disrespect to anyone, I am so ready to head out on my horse and find out what the world has to offer to me. I want the thrill of going to college on my own, where I want, even if it is on a coast opposite in direction to the east. I don’t understand why some people have such negative feelings toward change; the worst it can bring you is a new life experience.
Change is exciting, change is new, change is complicating, change is exciting, change is knowledge. Without change, we will founder in our own little worlds, failing to reach the expectations set for us. Through change we learn more than we will ever study, more than we will ever write, more than we will ever practice. Change is a vital tool while shaping our rough and rigid teen characters into leader-like role models that capture the essence of respect and wisdom.
I will admit that I am afraid of failing and making the wrong choice. But how will we ever know if we made the wrong choice. We cannot live or lives in a bubble that prevents us from testing the waters. I like to welcome change, and accept it, not rebel against it and try to force it back into its shell.
Whether the change be better or for worse, we must acknowledge its being and use it to learn, understand, and then to better ourselves in our lives. And as far as my reasoning for change and choices, I tend to dive into the pool, creating a gigantic splash that causes everyone to become instantly wet. It’s just the way I am. Sometimes it isn’t the best quality in the world, but sometimes it works out. I think that most of it has to do with my impatience, but some of it is just because.
Joanna said what I was about to say next, that people overanalyze things,, to death. I agree that she does it, but I also agree with what she thinks about fixing it. They try to pick every little thing out that does not appeal to them, which in reality pisses everybody off, or is completely wrong. The only way we can find out if we made the right chouce is to let it all play out, without interference, because then will it reveal what is truly supposed to happen.
"They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom."-Confucius
I’m a firm believer in the idea that all change is a good thing, so I have never found myself “double locking the door when change comes a-knockin’.” You may be thinking that my little philosophy on change is a load of garage, and I respect that. Being the skeptic that I am, I already came up with a terrible circumstance in which change would be considered totally not good, yet in a way extremely beneficial. Okay, say you are in a great relationship with someone you are “in love” with, but your just not totally satisfied. So you leave the person you loved for another, but this person turns out to be a controlling, abusive, serial killer. They knock you around a bit and end up in the hospital fighting for your life, but you get out with your life and some new knowledge. By normal standards this was a terrible change, after all it almost cost you your life, but despite the obvious bad there was good. First of all, you took a chance, broke away from the mundane, didn’t allow yourself to be complacent, and most importantly, acquired new knowledge and experience. All of those things are extremely good, which is why I believe that all change is good regardless of outcome.
As I said before, I don’t fear change, but I’m not yearning for change. I take life day by day and make the decisions I need to make as they come up. This by no means implies I’m complacent, however, I always strive to better myself by any means necessary. To better myself it is always necessary to make some choices, maybe big, maybe small, but a choice nonetheless. When I make said choices, I always approach the problem/situation from a very rational, logical, and somewhat stoic view point (huge surprise there huh?). First, I’ll formulate my options/solutions and predict the possible consequences of them. From here I’ll try to see what is best for myself, as well as all parties involved. I don’t think it always has to be all about you; sometimes you just have to take one for the team so to say. Once all these various things are considered, I just let it all get digested in my brain, and I give it some time. After some time to let it all sink in and digest, I make my move and hope for the best.
Something I forgot to touch on is that I always like to rearrange my surrounding similar to Jake. I can only take the same old format for so long, eventually I grow bored and if you know anything about me, you know that is never a good thing.
Change is difficult. I mean, there is no one on this big blue and green planet who can say that every time something in their lives has changed, it has been easy. Sometimes we want change, and sometimes we don't. But no matter what, things will always change. They have to. The world cannot keep advancing without change. If nothing changed, we'd all still be carrying wooden clubs and grunting at each other as our main form of communication.
Now that I got that out of the way, I think I like change. I'm always scared of it at first, but the end result isn't usually anything bad. Speaking for most of the class of 2009, we want to get out of Oakcrest. We want our lives to move forward, whether it be to a four-year college or university, ACCC, or what have you. But there's that fear in the back of most of our minds. At least it's in the back of my mind. What if I don't get into my dream school? What if I get stuck going to ACCC? What if I don't pass my AP tests? What if, what if, what if. All these "what ifs". But I know in the back of my mind that everything will work out in the end.
Okay, I’m really bad at getting sidetracked. I get rolling, and there’s no stopping me. Back to focusing on the actual blog questions. For my future, I’m really excited about getting out of my house and going to college. I can’t wait. I realize it’s probably going to be a little hard in the beginning, but I need to get out of my house. And I think going to Europe after eighth grade helped me with being able to handle things such as being away from my parents. Though it was only three weeks, it made me realize that even though my parents aren’t with me right now, they’re going to be exactly where I left them when I get back. Taking things one step at a time is the best way to grow up. I mean, if everything in your life changes in an instant, it’s a really scary situation. Gradual change is a good thing.
Now on to choices. For a sixteen-year-old, I think I have a pretty good head on my shoulders when it comes to deciding right from wrong. I’m not one to go out and get totally trashed and high on the weekends, because I know it’s wrong. I don’t need that stuff to have a good time, and I know that. Some choices such as that are pretty common sense to me, and it’s just second-nature for me to make the right decision when put into a situation like that. However, other decisions are not so common-sense. Let’s face it, we’re all sixteen- and seventeen- (and maybe even eighteen) year-olds. We don’t always make decisions with the thought of the repercussions of those decisions in the back of our minds. Sometimes, we make stupid decisions and then realize the repercussions after we already screwed up. When I make a decision, my mood affects how I choose to do something. For example, if my little brother is acting like a complete jerk (which is pretty much all the time) and I’m in a bad mood, I’ll just slap him upside the head and get mad at him. But if I’m in a better mood, I’ll try and talk to him and get him to stop acting like a jerk. I have really gotten better with that though. I try to clear my head and weigh all my options before making a decision.
All this talk about choices made me think of a show I watched once when I was probably about ten. I don’t remember what the show was called, but I remember it was on Disney Channel. One episode of the show was based on decisions and choices. I remember it talking about how even if someone chooses orange juice over milk at breakfast, their whole life could turn out different. Now I know a decision like that may not necessarily be life-altering, but every so often I like to think about how my life would be different if I chose one thing over another.
Now, for someone else’s blog. Rebecca talked about her want to travel and see the world past the great state of New Jersey. I feel the exact same way. Since I was three, I have been more excited than most kids to go on a vacation to the Caribbean rather than Disney World. Seeing different places has always been appealing to me. And after Europe, the travel bug hat bit me hard. I literally cried while waiting for the plane in Charles De Gaulle International Airport in Paris because I didn’t want to leave. And now, even listening to Blake’s occasional paper on Barcelona, I became extremely nostalgic and had a severe urge to hop on a plane and go to Spain. I definitely want to study abroad in college, no question. And every chance I have to get out of this country and see the world, I’m going to take it, no matter what.
I could start with a quote from a song here, I suppose, but I don't want to do that. Haha. Not just because you hate it, Ms. Bunje, or because I hate it, or because I genuinely feel that it is a weak way to begin something that will ultimately be a self-made argument anyway. However, I am sorely tempted to include a song lyric about change, because, quite frankly, most songs are about change. The very nature of a song is change - its pulsating rhythm, the way it bends and flows and titillates to create the full melodic experience. If a song was one note played over and over again consistently, it wouldn't be much of a song, would it? It is the changes that make the song, it is the song that makes the changes. The essence of this blog question asks us if these changes, these melodic ups and downs (because as surely as there are ups, there are downs - I've actually came to experience that as recently as the last two weeks, which hit me hard because I haven't had "downs" in a while - but at the same time, as soon as there are downs, there are ups) are something we relish or run from. Me? I love music. The crescendo as a song builds, fluctuates, flows, climbs to a fever pitch. That's why I like change. That being said, some aspects of change scare me a little, but isn't that true for everything? I like having a solid foundation. But what appeals to me about change is the progress, the ecstasy of what I can be and where I can go. Also, to some degree it is getting out of the general Mullica/Mays Landing area. I think a lot of AP kids echo this sentiment because even though we've loved growing up here, we want to experience life beyond the decrepit "Welcome to Mullica Township: A Clean Community" (okay, it's not exactly decrepit, but I needed a searing adjective) signs that mark the boundaries to our town. But, like Monica said, I like having constants, and my constants also come from my friends. To know that there are people there is the most incredible, steadying feeling in the world.
Now that I think about it, I echo a lot of what Monica said in her blog. If I am stuck doing the same things over and over and they aren't stimulating anymore, I become almost self-destructive with my impatience and get an almost feverish energy that is replaced with a severe lethargy if I don't do something ... stimulating, I suppose, is a good word for it ... right away. And that is I think why change appeals to me, but not change about the constants that put my life into its rhythm, but change about...other things.
Choice? I echo what Courtney T said. Not so much a friend of mine. I'm very indecisive, which is something about myself I genuinely need to work on. I generally TRY to weigh my options, but this makes me anxious, so I often end up jumping in. This can be the worst thing or the best thing, because jumping in at its core indicates an acceptance for the extreme, and the extreme is often what comes out of it. If I go with my gut, I make better decisions.
I just saw Monica singing on her blog. Love the Goo Goo Dolls :)
So I just typed my entire blog, and then realized I didn't like it one bit and I didn't sound like myself at all. Now, rewriting it, it's probably going to come in past 9, but I'd rather sound like myself and write something that I believe in than say a bunch of crap just to get it out of the way. So let's start this again..
Well, if you're looking for someone who is in love with the past and is always bringing up old memories and pulling the "remember when.." lines, Emrow's here. I'm SUCH a 'past' person, it's ridiculous. I love the past because you can't change it - it can't be tampered with in any way. I guess that's why I'm kind of scared of change. I'm scared of nouns changing - people, places, and things. Like Jake said in his blog, when he goes to ODP he doesn't know anyone, even as outgoing as he is it's still awkward.
I've played Varsity Softball for the Oak since my freshman year. I beat out a senior at first base and started there the last half of the year. Sophomore year I started getting more pitching time, played first when I wasn't pitching, and batted 4th. This year, I was expected to be the starting pitcher for the Falcons and was expected to remain in the clean up spot. Okay, I know I sound like Galli right now, but just go with me for a little. So, there were TONS of rumors this year about all these new freshman coming in and taking over upperclassmen's spots - and when I say upperclassmen, I mean me. Right now there are 2 potential freshman that could take my varsity pitching spot. I don't even really like pitching all that much, I just do it because it's one of those things were I feel like if I want it done the right way then I need to do it myself. So I'd love to step down and just play every game at first, but it doesn't help that my coach put so much pitching time on me that everyone thought I was going to pitch every game, so now there are 3 different people trying to split time at first base. I was not thrilled about this season at all. Within the first couple of days of tryouts, I had 2 different mental breakdowns because I felt so much stress on me. I walked in there thinking things would be so easy for me - I figured I worked hard my freshman and sophomore year to clinch my spot and that it'd be easy sailing from here. Of course, I was wrong. Story of my life. Now I'm faced with only batting in the lineup and getting so much less pitching time than I probably should because there is a freshman out there who truly is an amazing pitcher. And she likes it. WHAT IS THAT. SHE ACTUALLY LIKES PITCHING. Anyway, it was hard for me to adjust to not being the best of the best anymore. It was such a change to see someone younger than me be better at doing my job. However, change usually ends up turning out alright for me. I guess it's because I can suck it up, and whether good or bad I try and make the best out of it. Not only for myself but for others around me as well. It's so typical to be scared of things that are unfamiliar. I think the way to get over that, though, is just being yourself and turning it around in a positive manner to make the change better for you AND the other people you are surrounded with. I knew that stepping down from being known as "the best pitcher," wasn't so bad. It's helping out the team and I'm all about being a team player. Plus, I'm still the "best hitter anyway" ;). So cocky. But deal with it because it makes me feel better. Haha.
And when it comes to choices, at first I weigh out all the options. Especially with this softball thing. At first I was sitting up at night drawing little softball diamonds on paper trying to figure out who could play where in order for me to maintain my pitching/hitting spot, but still include the varsity newcomers into the lineup. I was trying to figure out every last option there was. Softball isn't the only thing I do that with, though. I always put a lot of thought into possible outcomes and run through every possible scenerios in my head. I usually end up just letting things happen. Sometimes I brush them off and let other people deal with them, sometimes I try and gain all control over the situation, and sometimes I ask everyone and their mother for all the possible advice. I make the choices that I think are best for myself and others around me. I take into consideration how the people who truly care about me would feel by my decision because how can you live a happy life if you're just hurting the people who love you? But even so, when it comes down to it, I just let things happen the way they should. I look at it like, "what's meant to be will find it's way." It's true, though. How do you know if you're going to like a new situation, new surrounding, new people, new ANYTHING if you don't try it? You never know how perfect something may turn out to be..
For those of you who listened to me read my occasional paper, you already know that I am craving change. I will admit it is an intimidating thing at first, but sometimes that is all that is needed to push you to your limits and broaden your horizons. Like all things, as Courtney T. noted, change has its good side and its bad side, but more often than not I find myself yearning for it, whether I act upon that desire is another story.
It’s new and exciting-an adventure within itself. Without change, we would all be stuck. I guess that’s where that phrase “a stick in the mud” came from (never thought of that before). We would be complacent and dull. We would never get any better, and that, my friends, is death to life. This energetic hustle and bustle that Ms. Bunje is so passionate about, the dreams that exist within the cramped hallways of Oakcrest, would all die out. Change is the fuel of life. It affects who we are and can make us into a better person, or a worse person for that matter, but that is a chance we will have to take.
I welcome change in my life, despite my unrealistic fears beneath the surface. I hope that the changes I embrace will better me as a person. I hope that they will open me up and expand my views of the world. In the future I hope that changes will send me spinning off in new directions and set me up for success in ways I never imagined possible. And in life, I hope that change will bring unexpected love and unforeseen friendship. Even though I may become uneasy realizing that the comfort of knowing what to expect diminishes with change, I try to embrace it, for I know without it I will drift farther and farther away from the prospect of success.
Ah, choices. I have never been a fan of making decisions. So many questions come along with making one. Is it right? Is it wrong? Is it selfish or too bold? Will I regret it in the future? As you can see, I’m often guilty of overanalyzing things. To put it simply, I’m a thinker, not a doer. Take the whole break-up or stay together predicament for example. I recently broke up with my boyfriend. Seems to contradict what I just said, right? Not at all. It took me forever to contemplate this possibility to its entirety. I had to go over every single detail and try to decipher my future with him before I could call it off. I’m not proud of letting it go on so long with doubts, but I finally shook hands with change and got on with it. I’d like to think that means I’m one step closer to actually acting upon changes that I want to make it my life.
As to why I mull over certain decisions I have to make for days, or at least longer than I should have to, I guess I was just born with this prudence. I subconsciously want to make sure that I’m okay with everything I do. Maybe I don’t want regrets, I’m not really sure. Unfortunately this method doesn’t work in some situations where I have to make a decision on a whim with a few seconds to spare. I always end up doing the opposite of what I really want and leaving the regret to the little choices in life. Quite honestly, this bugs the hell out of me and I sometimes wish I could be that stereotypical reckless teenager instead of this indecisive type of person. But really I guess I’m glad to have my head screwed on straight. That’s always a good thing.
Hannah and Rebecca also share my views on change pertaining traveling. I’m almost positive that I won’t live in Jersey when I’m older. There’s too much to see and do to stay in this little corner of the world. Who knows what new places could bring? A new profession? A new hairstyle? A new outlook on life? All is possible.
I am usually not one for change. I like things staying the way they are and the way they have been I guess because I find security in that. With change comes a lot of unknowns, a lot of uncertainty, which is something I do not like dealing with. Being at a place in my life that I’ve never been before frightens me because I worry about making the wrong decisions and messing up what I’ve always had. I don’t know why but I feel like with change I may pick the wrong choice and end up messing up what has always been. There you go, change’s partner, choice. Changes have definitely been occurring lately in my life. Some for the good and some not. I guess it depends on the change and whether I welcome it. If it is a positive change I usually look to it as more of a good thing in my life and the bad tend to wear me out more. Some changes I do look forward to more than others. For example, getting my license this week was a change that I was more than ready for, but it really didn’t make that much of a difference; I wasn’t leaving home or my friends and family or moving to a new place with new people and customs. Then there’s college, which I am excited for but nervous about just as much because it will be like starting over in a new place where no one knows what I’ve done my entire life or who my friends are. That’s where the unchartered fear comes into place. I am a strong believer in “Everything Happens for a Reason” so really I guess I should welcome any and all change, but that’s not the case. Being the planner that I am, I like to know what’s always going on and what the outcomes of my actions will be and with change there is that level of uncertainty that you can not erase. You have to leap into the change both eyes open and just accept that it’s for the best.
Choices, well as Christine mentions I too am a pro/con list type of person. Although I don’t usually make the actual charts, I am more likely to open up a word document and just start typing and rambling on about whatever I’m trying to decide. Then I’ll just save it and read it after a little while away from it, this usually helps me make my choices the best. I don’t make rash decisions about anything and always weigh out ALL of my options. When I’m confused about making a decision I always resort back to this method of an empty word document as well as get the input from some close friends and family. And as for why I make my decision I guess because I have to. When I have a choice, there needs to be one option that needs to be picked and this method for me has proven to be the most effective.
To comment on Megan’s blog, I have been so worried about that happening with my new puppy and I’m glad to hear that it’s not just my younger sister that would do something stupid like that too. I also find myself weighing out options the way she does by seeing how similar situations turned out for family members you know went through that.
Ms. Bunje I'm sorry this is late, but i've been really sick all week and now just got home from my grandmother's viewing and realized it was Wednesday which meant there was a blog. Sorry!!
Okay I just read Monica's blog and had to scroll right down to say this:
goo goo dolls <3 love.
Christine, I don't know how you can change your room so much. I painted my one wall green just so I could never change where my bed goes. Since I moved into my house, not one thing is different. I added a few more pictures but nothing has moved. I guess I want the things that can stay constant to stay constant.
dont worry im here.
oh and emily c's blog reminded me that i haven't gotten an actual hair cut since i was 11 or 12. talk about really not wanting change...
Christine is a copycat. Just kidding, love you. And commenting on Christine's blog, I love changing my room too. I like being able to wake up with a totally different view of my room one day. It's refreshing. Okay, I won't comment anymore. I'm just bored and this topic interests me.
I wouldn't exactly say I am one who "yearns" for change, but I do feel certain times call for change. I watched Oliver Stone's (the dangerous American) The Doors the other night and Val Kilmer goes on and on about the whole "doors of perception" and how doors lead to different changes. So I guess you can say is the urge for change comes from the idea that when you close one door and you open another a whole great world could be waiting for you. Some of the time yes, you end up on the greener grass looking at the wanna-be-greener-grassers.
Change is important though. Sometimes if you don't change, you could end up just digging yourself a deeper hole. Change is healthy because it can reshape your character, your environment, and better yet your attitude towards life.
Choice is a gift. The style of choosing depends on what it is that needs to be chosen. When dealing human to human change or one of "epic proportions", I most definitely weigh every outcome. Certain things like friendships and boyfriends and girlfriend need to be placed on a cherishing pedestal. Charles Bukowski lived completely spontaneously. Every decision with ever person he came about was completely on-the-spot. What happened to Charles? Well for starters he wrote a book called "Sometimes you’re so lonely it just makes sense". No friends, over five divorces, and all he was was an asshole. But on the contrary, trying to foreshadow every single situation would make life a bore. Things that don't have to do with the decomposition of human to human relations should be "dived right into". Placing yourself into different environments is a thrill of life. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and try to get a taste of as much as you can. I have experienced some great things for spontaneous "choice making" and even some not-so-great things. But all in all spontaneous lets you acquire new knowledge. You can’t learn something you already know.
So when a choice is thrown my way, before anything, I way the choice. Thanks to the human brain I can do that in ten milliseconds or ten minutes. Why do I make it? I am not big on just getting pushed around; if I didn't want to choose then I wouldn't be me. Your choices are what you are and you are what your choices are.
Haha omg Hannah I guess I missed that. I definitely didn't see yours the first time i scrolled down. Sorry, but it's true.
And meg, even though you have dave as your constant, Hannah was right. I love that kind of change because I never have to wake up to the same thing for more than a couple of months. It's new and just makes things more interesting.
And I'm bored, but I'm done too.
Sorry this is late; I was kept from the computer by the woman who gave birth to me. Mama knows the last thing I need to do is to anger the women who will pay for my higher education. So onto change: whenever I think of change, that David Bowie/Butterfly Boucher song pops in my head along with butterflies popping into my stomach. Yum. Yes, Ms. Bunje, I am one of those restless souls starving for new and drastic changes to come my way. I have lived in Mays Landing, New Jersey for fifteen years of my life, I have had (more or less) the same friends since the fifth grade, and I have been doing the same activities for my whole life. My life has become so monotonous. Homework, school, friends, homework, band, boyfriend, homework: everyday is the same thing. I am not afraid of change; I will willingly embrace it with loving arms if it ever decides to float my way. Courtney Sherman has fears and apprehension of her two best friends (I’m her favorite though!), being in completely different cities for the next four years of our lives. She is afraid what will happen with our relationships. I will honest by saying that I am a little scared too, but I know in my heart that we will all be fine. We will email, or talk on Facebook, and we will definitely hang out when we have breaks from school. I want a change of scenery, a change of people, and a change of lifestyle. I want to grow up and be my own person; I want to find out who I actually am.
Throughout my past three high school years, I was faced with many choices: What courses should I take, who should I hang out with, what should I do with my life, what clubs should I be involved in. With every choice that I made, I ended up choosing the bad one and I don’t know why. I carefully weighed out each option and picked the one I thought would best suit my needs or goals. Well, I obviously didn’t know my needs or goals because that didn’t work out. I try to follow my heart and my gut, but that doesn’t work. Following my mind just gives me headaches. I think from now on I will do the Christine approach and make out pretty pros/cons lists on pink paper.
I just thought I’d add this little quote about change from our buddy Henry David Thoreau for all the change-haters:
“Things do not change; we change.”
The topic of change….. this is a hard subject for me. Change is not the best thing in the world, but the most necessary one. The hardest part is knowing when the right time for change is. I never know if I am making the right decision, even the easiest decision like what food to get for dinner. I am the worst though when it comes to picking and choosing when to start relationships because I always think of the negatives of what I will be missing out on or the fact that rejection could be a possibility. However, I do believe that change is good and that we all need it sometimes. It does suck however when you do something that you think is for the better and it turns out to be the worst. When it comes to the questions you ask when making a decision like is it right or wrong, or left or right. I do not consider all my options. Say someone asked me to skip class or something I never really think about what will happen like what the teacher will say or how it will look. For some reason, my main concern is how it will help me and what we would be doing. My process for making choices goes kind of like this. First, I think about what can happen while doing whatever it is I am doing. Second, I think about what benefits it has to me and what I could gain out of doing it. Third, I think about how I would have to lie or tell a fib so my parents would not know where I was going. Fourth and only sometimes I think about what can happen if I get caught which does not always cross my mind until I am already doing the thing that can get me in trouble. I think the biggest decision or change I have ever dealt with was life without my brother. There was really no benefits, but there were many downfalls. I never really had a choice, but it was definitely change. I agree with nick c. and Megan, changing schools is very difficult, my mom changed schools 36 times in 12 years. So she promised me that she would never put me through that and would make sure that I finished school at the same school with the same friends for my entire schooling career and to never make me go through the hardships of her childhood and to this day has done everything she could to give me a nice life. Sorry about posting this blog kind of late, I had to help Ish move his broken down car which will be explained in my occasional paper tomorrow.
All together now-
I’m watching Hannah Montana at the moment and I thought about how her life changed from Billy Ray Cyrus’s little girl too multimillionaire pop icon, TV sitcom star, and designer. In every interview that I come across with her answering the number one question, “How does it feel to go from a daughter of a worn out country singer to an American icon?” she approaches the question with a look of surprise and wonder about what might be coming next. There is no throwing up on the Red Carpet or doubling over in pain, there is only smiles and excitement. How? Seriously, how can someone be perfectly fine with going from an innocent nobody to an innocent looking big somebody over night? I mentioned in my other blog that change scares the shit out of me. Knowing that change can have a 50/50 result, I’m terrified of the 50% chance that I will end up with the not-so-good outcome of the change. If I was more confident in myself, I would accept the change and know that I can ultimately make the adjustment a win-win situation.
My moods determine my choices. Doesn’t that happen to everyone though? If you’re upset, you’ll make irrational choices (well, I usually do) and if you are happy then you’ll take the time to weigh out the odds and ends of each choice. I know if I’m stuck with a life or death choice, the whole process of making a pro and con list come into action. If I can see the benefits and the repercussions in front of me then it makes making my decision a whole lot easier. That is, of course, if I have the time. However, if I don’t have the time to make a list then it boils down to what I truly feel is the right move to make at that specific point in time. Now, if it’s a case of movies or Starbucks with a group of friends, the whole process changes. It goes back to what mood I’m in and if I feel like relaxing with a caffeinated beverage in my hand or if I feel like meandering around the mall trying on outfits that I wish I could get but know if I brought them home, my parents would make me put a turtleneck over top. I guess I still make a mental list when it all boils down. Lists are quite helpful when making decisions, whether they are big or small.
Christine pretty much said it all. Pro and con lists=love. Gilmore Girls weren’t just entertainment, they were teachers and from them pro and con lists were instilled in every Gilmore Girl viewer. I miss that show .
I first have to say I really like this blog. I never really think about it but after reading that I realized that we do these things everyday without realizing. Everyday, when I do not stay after, I walk our neighbors’ dog. Every once in a while I have to go back to check and see if I locked the door. Sometimes I am in my own little world and don’t even realize that I am walking their dog and then on my way home I forget if I locked the door. Once I start questioning myself I have to go back. I start thinking about what could happen. Okay now I just realized that that is not what is asking. (our blog should be that next week) So……When I look into the future I get nervous and my stomach tightens up like when riding on a rollercoaster. I guess my fear is what will happen to me and will I end up happy with the outcome. I am afraid about not knowing where I’ll be and how my life will change.
Everyday people have to make decisions and most of the time we do not realize it. Ever since I was a little guy I have always been cautious about my decision making. I would have to say the person who had the most influence on my decision making would be Mrs. Gallo my third and fourth grade teacher. She brainwashed us to be polite, respectful, trustworthy, so and so forth. Ever since then I have been that way. I have always been the type to stick up for what I believe and not allow others to influence me. When I am faced with a serious situation I usually weigh my options and see which one is the best. I wouldn’t feel comfortable making a decision that I do not believe is right. I usually follow my morals most of the time and try to do what is right. I have grown up around people who are responsible for the decisions I make now. But I have to say I am not like Brittany. I do not have to open word doc. and make lists. When I am on the spot I usually weight the situation in my head and decide. I rarely come across a situations where I have to take a lot of time to think about it. Although there are times like during sport seasons and during the school year.
Then there are times where I slip and do not do what I feel is the best choice. When following through with this choice I have a bad feeling in my gut and I can’t stop thinking about my decision. Usually when this happens I learn from my mistake and correct it in the future.
*:-( <--that was supposed to be at the end. Not a question mark and a period.
Ahhh Change... =p Anyone who truly knows me knows that I am a pretty laid back person and I don't really stress over things too much, or I hide it pretty well. Either way not letting stress get too overwhelming is key. So, as I think about change, I try to just keep it cool, and embrace the change. I am probably more the type to seek out change rather than shut it out when it comes my way. I'd have to say I'm pretty open to change, different types more than others, but every change can be good if taken the right way.
Now, relationships are definitely something I am hesitant about. Changes in relationships are hardest for everyone. When Kait said she wanted to break up I was heart broken because I had put my soul into that relationship. Looking back on this, I realize it was a necessary change and it was essential for me to get over her, because I needed to move on to better opportunities. That change was probably the hardest change for me up to this point in my life, and it was one of the only times I tried to double-bolt lock my doors.
When a situation comes along when I need to make a choice, I take alot of consideration. Other times though, I don't think situations out enough. A perfect example of this is when I rushed into a relationship without thinking where it would go, what it meant, and why I was even doing what I was doing. I basically let my emotions run my decisions for that month of my life, not thinking things out fully before I acted. This was a necessary part of my life because I learned to think before I let my emotions run wild, unfortunately at the expense of a friend. So now, a month or two later, I feel I have grown alot from that experience and I'll be alot more thoughtful when considering jumping into anything that could potentially turn into something significant. That was kind of vague. Bottom line I think before I act. Even deeper than how I make decisions, are why I make them. It is much deeper yet ironically simple. I believe everyone makes decisions to somehow advance themselves or, for selfless people, others. We have to make decisions to move forward, instead of staying in the same place or situation in a seemlingy endless, vacuous void.
Choices in life will be easy, and others will be harder than the dreaded AP test, but changes can always be beneficial; it just depends on your attitude.
I just got home from stupid work! EEW. Lol.
Change is hard. When I even get a glimpse of change coming, I bolt the door shut. Well, that's usually the case. I'm usually scared of change; however, there are exceptions to every rule. For example, by now, with today being exactly one and a half years with AJ, I'd die if that were to change. Ok, I wouldn't die, but I'd hate to think of how I'd act or who I'd be with in the future. I like constancy. I love waking up everyday, knowing he's still my boyfriend. I love waking up to a constantly clean room. I hate when it changes to dirty. =( I love keeping nice hair do's and freshly-waxed eyebrows. The change of my hair getting ruined upsets me. Recently, my basement has been getting finished. It's going to be my new bedroom and my little sister Alexa is going to have my old room. This scares me. For the longest, I've had a purple room. It's full of purple carpet, walls, bedding, curtains, and accessories. I don't want it to change. This is why I almost had a heart attack when I tip-toed down the basement to notice a bright orange room. I mean bright. The room is so bright that it glows with no lights on. I don't really like this change, but for now it's permanent because my mom just paid the painter a she hired. I'm ok when the change doesn't directly affect me. Like my bathroom. For the longest, it was white. White like we just moved in. While at Home Depot about 3 weeks ago, we bought some green paint, tiles, sink, cabinet, mirror, lighting, and the works. My mom and I transformed the bathroom to something amazing. Since I don't have to be in there everyday, it's not my bedroom, I'm not directly affected. Even if I was, it's a change for the better.
I must say I guess the reason I'm so afraid of change because I am comfortable with stability and constancy. I love that. I hate learning new lessons in math after I master the old one. That's too much of a change! It seems like too much is different and foreign and I'd get lost. It seems like something too new. Something I'm not yet adjusted to. Since I have endured these changes for years now because it's not possible to remain on one math lesson forever, (Or is it?), I guess I am coping with it better. The big changes make the most impact on me, especially when they are negative changes. It seems like I lose control of situations and I like having control.
When it comes to choice, I like to experiment. Well, not with drugs or anything, I just like to take risks, even though something ends up CHANGING sometimes. I am happy with the choices I have made, what I am scared of is the choices I will make in the future. I'm scared of failure again. I'm scared I may choose the wrong college, or I may make the wrong decision one day and get pregnant or something. (I HAVE FRIENDS THAT GOT PREGNANT IN HIGHSCHOOL) That's not cool at all. I want everything to go as planned. Today, at a women's conference, a woman told us to take fear out of the equation. For example, I want to be an actress; however, I have the fear of not being rich and famous, so I'll become a dentist. I'll play it safe. If I took fear out of the equation, what would I have left? I want to be a famous actress. So do it! That's what I still want to tell myself, but life is too short to make a big mistake like that. Or is it? Maybe I could strive for my dreams. Who knows? Before I make decisions, I usually think about consequences, but sometimes I just don't care. Sometimes, I just want to let loose and have fun. I don't regret those spur of the moment decisions, but I must be sure to not get "caught up". I make these decisions based on how I'm feeling. I usually have my future in mind too. I know when I'm doing wrong or if I know I don't belong somewhere. I think it's up to me to CHANGE it. I like choice, but I don't want to make the wrong choices and had a change for the worse.
Like Jake, I enjoy changing my room around every once in a while, it really is refreshing. Like Mrs. Bunje's class every new marking period. We change our perspective. I'm not too scared of that type of change. Every once in a while you definitely need a little change.
801 words lol!
Change isn’t so scary especially when it’s for the better I like Jon Miller agree that certain times “yearn” for change, yet I am one who locks up clink-clink when change comes a knockin’ simply because I don’t adjust well to things that are different. As most of you may or may not know my parents are getting divorced. This isn’t a minor change like the t-shirt you switch into last minute before school; this is a life altering, mind blowing change. I am accustomed to a certain life style one that I love. I have daily rituals and within the madness that is Niah is normalcy. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for months now adjusting to the first stages of divorce. This is where my problem with change occurs. I am a very stubborn person who needs to have it her way or no way, with that said I don’t adjust well to change. I breakdown, I am simply uncomfortable and hate that no matter how hard I try things will never be the same. This is why change locks me down, I just don’t adjust well. Eventually the inevitable sets in and I do adjust and become acclimated, but it’s not an easy process. One thing I did learn though is you need change in order to grow, which curtails the negative side of change.
A bright young woman once told me that the easiest way to make decisions is cancel fear out of the equation and then make your decision. A lot of times we react differently when we’re scared and fearful of certain outcomes, I feel by eliminating that factor we allow ourselves to follow our hearts, and that decision will always be right. When it comes to other choices like doing drugs, or getting into a car of a drunk driver I use common sense. I am not the person to act now and think later. I have a scale which we’ll call the scale of life which weighss all the possible outcomes, let’s just say I have a pretty great scale because so far after seventeen years I have no regrets. I also believe making your OWN decisions instead of following others or doing what you’re told to do plays a huge role in decision making. After reading Rachael’s position on change I must say that the thought of a perfect decision is ridiculous each choice has its pros and cons but no choice is perfect, besides being perfect is overrated and if we never made mistakes how could we learn and grow. My advice would be eliminate fear, follow your heart, and be smart the rest will fall into place.
I fear change. I’m so afraid of not knowing. But I’m excited for my future. How can that be? How can I be scared of change, yet welcome my future with open arms? I tend to look at it like this: I have what I want to do in life planed out in my head, down to a lot of the general details. What scares me is the CHANGE they could occur to my plan. I don’t want it to change. What I want to happen is only one out of an infinite number of possibilities. This infinite number of possibilities represents the idea of change. And with change, things don’t go according to plan and I freak.
I think for all of us, the change of going to college as opposed to high school is something we are accepting with open arms. We want to leave here, and get on with our lives so badly that it’s sickening. We have worked so hard that this change of going to college is something we control. We know our options, and choose accordingly. In the “circle” I go to every morning right outside 204, a majority of the group is seniors. We hoot and holler when someone gets into a new college, throwing our hands up in the air. It’s quite ridiculous, but that thought of going to college for that individual isn’t scary. They can choose. Do I go to Rutgers? Or UDel? Or BU or Drexel? It’s the choice that doesn’t make the change as scary.
And for choice, it happens. I tend to only make a decision until I know both sides. However, what makes decisions easier for me is when one side of the decision is immediately void. For example, chicken patty or PB&J. One might be allergic to peanuts, so therefore the decision is made for them. They must choose a chicken patty. For right and wrong, we see to choose what we have been taught. I have been taught to pick right over wrong anyway. But someone might have not fully understood the circumstances. Cutting class to get a paper done is almost an involuntary action now. Not eating lunch to get a paper done is the same too. AP = Anorexic. I make choices because I have to. And how I make those choices is based on some complex algorithm that my mind runs through in seconds that has become perfected over the span of my 17.5 years on this earth. (Don’t even ask about the planet before that.)
When I first read this question I thought I fell on the side of the spectrum of liking change but, when I put more thought into it I came to the conclusion that I don’t like change. It is very hard for me to let go of people that I have been around for awhile I just went through a situation like that recently. When you’re used to something and know how they react having something new is a scary feeling. Letting go is hard. You get comfortable and changing from that normalcy can make you unsure of what you really want to do. Coming to high school was so exciting until the time finally came to go. I remember the first day and being so nervous. I mean eventually I learned to adjust but the whole idea of being in a new setting freaked me out. I completely agree with Michael Henry I welcome the change of going to college with open arms but yet I’m still afraid to go. This feeling only comes with changes that are going to be permanent if I know that even though I’m changing things can go back to what it was I feel more accepting to the change. I guess when you think about it though that is not really a change more like a substitution for the time being. I’m a afraid that if I change what I am used to I might end up making the wrong decision and it will be too late to change back. When it comes time to go for a change I first think about the people that will be affected by my choice to change I know I should put people before myself but that’s something I can’t help but do. If in the long run I am going to end up hurting someone I love I usually back out. In the same sense though if the change is hurting me to keep it going on and it still is going to end up hurting that person I have to step up and do what is right for. I think that is one of the main reasons that change is hard for me. Second you have to think about what situation is more comfortable. If this change you are going through with is going to put me in an awkward situation that is going to take some time to make it easy then its better to stick with what you know. Last I was faced with a choice will in new York with my mother, aunt and my moms boyfriend after telling my mom I did not want to go to this African place because I didn’t like the menu she decided to go anyway. Now I was faced with the choice to sit down and take a chance with me not liking the food and be upset and hungry for the rest of the night or complain so we went somewhere different where I knew the food would be good. Well since I would not have been comfortable and even though my mom wanted to eat there I was highly opposed to it so I made the decision to stick with what I know. We all know the saying I rather be safe than sorry…
When I first read this question I thought I fell on the side of the spectrum of liking change but, when I put more thought into it I came to the conclusion that I don’t like change. It is very hard for me to let go of people that I have been around for awhile I just went through a situation like that recently. When you’re used to something and know how they react having something new is a scary feeling. Letting go is hard. You get comfortable and changing from that normalcy can make you unsure of what you really want to do. Coming to high school was so exciting until the time finally came to go. I remember the first day and being so nervous. I mean eventually I learned to adjust but the whole idea of being in a new setting freaked me out. I completely agree with Michael Henry I welcome the change of going to college with open arms but yet I’m still afraid to go. This feeling only comes with changes that are going to be permanent if I know that even though I’m changing things can go back to what it was I feel more accepting to the change. I guess when you think about it though that is not really a change more like a substitution for the time being. I’m a afraid that if I change what I am used to I might end up making the wrong decision and it will be too late to change back. When it comes time to go for a change I first think about the people that will be affected by my choice to change I know I should put people before myself but that’s something I can’t help but do. If in the long run I am going to end up hurting someone I love I usually back out. In the same sense though if the change is hurting me to keep it going on and it still is going to end up hurting that person I have to step up and do what is right for. I think that is one of the main reasons that change is hard for me. Second you have to think about what situation is more comfortable. If this change you are going through with is going to put me in an awkward situation that is going to take some time to make it easy then its better to stick with what you know. Last I was faced with a choice will in new York with my mother, aunt and my moms boyfriend after telling my mom I did not want to go to this African place because I didn’t like the menu she decided to go anyway. Now I was faced with the choice to sit down and take a chance with me not liking the food and be upset and hungry for the rest of the night or complain so we went somewhere different where I knew the food would be good. Well since I would not have been comfortable and even though my mom wanted to eat there I was highly opposed to it so I made the decision to stick with what I know. We all know the saying I rather be safe than sorry…
hahaha Jon! I'm sorry. It was on in the background and it just sparked something...sorry :(. Hannah Montana is banned for life.
Hmmmmm.. What is it exactly that I like about change? I am the kind of person who tries to promote change on a daily basis. I get sick and tired of the same old routine that lasts over the span of months and will go out of my way to have something be different. Life should be full of surprises in my opinion, because if you try your hardest to keep everything the way they are then you are missing out on countless experiences that you may never again have the chance to try. The thing that is so appealing to me about change is that you never know what the outcome will be of trying something new. Since I am the type of person who gets bored with things quite easily, I am constantly looking for new things to try and do and in turn discover new talents and skill that I may be able to possibly use in the future. I make sure to keep all the doors in my home open to change and tend to switch things up on a daily basis. For example, I have hung out with almost every different group of kids in our school. Every week I will try and get closer to a new faction of people just because I like to mix things up, and for some reason always feel the need to change friends when I begin to get too close to certain cluster of friends. I will hang out with someone different everyday of the week; and this is how I like to live my life, which is not tied down but as more of a freelancer.
Concerning the topic of choices, I would have to say I usually weigh out the possible outcomes of a decision. However, when I say usually I do not mean every time. There have been times when I just acted without thinking whatsoever and they have sometimes turned out to be the best decisions ever, and then not so much for the other times. When confronted with the ordeal of needing to make a decision I could care less about what other people will think about me. I will worry more about how it will affect me and what I will get out of the assessment. One of the many things that run through my mind is “will I or will I not die from doing this?” In my opinion this usually isn’t a bad question to start out asking myself. The next would probably include some verbs such as “Will I need to run from cops?” Usually if this is the question and the answer to it is yes, I would have to decline the affair. So all in all I do a good job in my decision making and have not goofed up too badly…yet.
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