Today in class we talked a bit about choosing your path; how you choose, what motivates those choices etc.
One of the most important things, I think, about the notion of choices and decisions and such is the fact that, through each choice we make, we, albeit unconsciously, undergo a process of education. We learn something. Whether it be about ourselves, our friends, our loved ones etc, we learn. Sometimes, the paths we choose take us somewhere dark and foreboding; in which case we learn we never want to return there. Other times, our choices transport us to a place of whimsy and euphoria and bliss. When that happens, we want to take meticulous notes on how we may someday return to that same place. (I am speaking metaphorically, here)
Either way, there is both direct and indirect knowledge gained from the decisions we make about the paths we follow. And, as with every bit of education, there is always a test. Again with the tests!
This week, I would like you to think about a time in your life where you were forced to undergo a test of your character due to a choice you made. Or, if you are poised on the precarious precipice of decision now, you can make a prediction about what you are about to experience. What do you think this choice, this path said, says or will say about you? What did you or will you learn? What do you want to learn?
(450 words/75pts)
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Get 'er in right before the season finale of House. For some demented reason, I kind of liked it. I wish they ended it without the flash back with all the characters though. Whatever. More on my life decisions later.
Speaking of the Season Finale of House, the entire show was about the choices we make, the path we choose, and other important life-related things. I honestly hope that one of the choices I make isn't falling madly in love with someone who is killed by complications from a bus accident while he was picking up my drunk friend. I'll finish this blog later after I recover from the upsetting episode of House.
Everyday we come upon choices that lead us further down our path or could turn us down a different path. Some paths are filled with lovely bushes and flowers that are perfect for photo opportunities, but then there are paths that are filled with dead trees and green moss covering everything. It all depends on what we do with those choices that depicts our scenery. I know I’ve come across choices that I chose irrationally and it led me to those dead trees, but further down those paths came a clearing (The metaphor just stuck, ok? Don’t judge =]).
Recently, with everyone being home, our house has become quite tight to say the least. Everywhere I turn there is someone or something up in my business. That is where the car comes involved. It’s my escape and I never know where I might end up (aka Em Brills house aka East Jesus Nowhere, New Jersey). However, when I’m home and the time comes to face the music, I choose to put ear plugs in and pretend like everything is fine and dandy. WRONG CHOICE! Picking to avoid the reality shows that I’m scared of what might happen if I face everything that I’ve ran away from. Someone says that I’m a bad person and I choose to ignore it. Someone hurts one of my friends’ feelings, I pretend like I’m invisible. Someone needs advice on something that I, myself, can not fathom, I leave. I know when my mom locks my brother and I in a car and mutters the words, “I think we need to sit down, as a family, and figure our situation out,” I close my eyes and ears and pretend like I heard nothing. I know at some point this week she will catch us all and then I’ll have to voice my opinion. Either my future in Mays Landing will be set, or my future in Florida maybe evident. I know my grandmothers feelings may get hurt, and the blame game will start up. If my grandmother can come to terms with the fact that she is getting worse each day and having her in our household brings down the moral in the atmosphere, my family might be able to survive this transformation. Whether it is building onto our house already, building another house, or moving to the place where my parents have desired to reside.
Once I put a voice into my families future, I think my family might stop looking at me like I’m too young for my opinions to matter. Joe is the oldest, so his opinion matters because he has always had a voice in my family’s decisions. I, on the other hand, have always said, “Whatever you all decide is fine by me.” I have a feeling that after this blows over and another storm comes when my brother leaves the nest for his second year of college, instead of my parents picking up the phone and dialing 1-800-JOE-WE-NEED-YOUR-ADVICE, I might intercept their brain waves and both, them and I, will try to find a solution. This might teach me that I do have a say and what I say isn’t a bunch of hullabaloo. I want to learn that. I want to have the confidence in myself that other people see in me. I want my opinion to count. After this, I think it just might ;-).
A test of character knocked on my door last summer, and it's a day that I don't think I'll ever forget. If you walk down sandy Brigantine beach and look up at all of the lifeguard stands, I don't think you'll find one bad looking boy. This is just what I'm TOLD, because obviously I'm diligently watching the water all day and watching the lives of the citizens of the United States, but that's besides the point. There was this one boy in particular, Dave, that I had a crush on. Of course he was cute, and surfed all the time, and I thought he was really sweet. He was always laid back and always just wanting to have a good time. I knew that he was pretty much untouchable though, because there'd be days when I'd work with him and his girlfriend would come and bring him lunch. Naturally, I was maybe a litttttle bit jealous, but knew that if I ever got the chance with that boy I'd take it.
So, progressing the story, there was this one day towards the very end of the summer that was incredibly stormy. It was a torrential downpour and lightening was cracking left and right. On rain days the lifeguards get to retreat back near the dunes to the hut where the equipment is kept. Lifeguards LOVE these days because we get paid to sit in beach chairs in the hut and sleep all day (assuming that no one comes on the beach to swim, but you’d be surprised with the shoobies that “don’t want to lose a day of vacation” and brave the rain.) I happened to be working with Dave that day, and another guy, Ryan. At first we were all just sitting back in the hut and talking until Ryan said he wanted to go run out to the parking lot to his car real quick to get his iPod. I’m not going to lie, I was excited for the two minutes of alone time with Dave, but I didn’t think too much of it knowing that him and his girlfriend were pretty serious. I was actually completely wrong about that though, because Dave started to come onto me and told me that he thought that I was cute all summer, but never got to say something. As if I wasn’t already shocked by this piece of information, he leaned over from his chair and tried to kiss me!
I can’t even tell you how much I just wanted to go with the whole thing. It was almost the last day of summer and I knew that I wasn’t going to see Dave for a really long time because he was going for his Freshman year at Rutgers. It was almost the last day of summer and I knew that I’d had a crush on him ever since the very first day. It was almost the last day of summer and I wanted to end it with something exciting, but deep down, I knew I couldn’t let this be it. It was so hard to pretend that I wasn’t interested but I kept on reminding myself that he wasn’t the sweet guy I expected. He was all up and ready to cheat on his girlfriend. There would be no way she’d ever find out, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I automatically imagined how upset I would be if I were her.
I’m really glad that I didn’t end up hooking up with Dave in the end. I’m glad I was smart enough to realize that the secret summer hook up could have been completely amazing for two minutes, but the feelings it would leave me afterwards wouldn’t be worth it. I went home that night, wondering whether or not it was right to tell his girlfriend what he tried to do. I knew that she had a right to know, and she seemed like a sweet girl. It turned out that they actually ended up breaking up about a week later because they were both going back to college and realized how hard those relationships are to keep. Sometimes I still wonder whether or not I should have told her before she left, but I’m proud of the decisions I made that prove that a boy doesn't alter my sound thinking.
Can’t we have one of those myspace kind of blogs again? I really liked that. Anyway, college is going to be my biggest test. Not which college I’ll go to or if I can survive without my mom. Not even if I’m going to learn how to cook or if I’m going to live off of ramen noodles and loaves of Italian bread (both of which I love). It’s the choice of whether or not to be a good student. It’s if I’m going to go to class, do my work, and not party excessively.
In high school, I’ve done a good job of keeping my head on straight. But will I continue that when I go to college, where I can make my own decisions independent of my parents, where they will never know what I do? Personally, I think I will. What I do in the future will dictate the kind of person I am, the career I will get, how much money I make. If I become a party animal, will I graduate with a high GPA, get hired at the school I want to teach at, and be happy?
Alcoholism runs in my family. It’s the reason my grandfather died. But it’s okay, he was a Jew hater. What if I turned into that when I break free from the barriers of Mays Landing? I think the chances of that happening are slim to none because of the way I was raised, but I won’t be sure until I’m faced with that decision, that fork in the road that could determine where I get in life.
I hope to learn that I am right. I hope to learn that I do have my head on straight and that whether my mom is right next to me or in another state, I can still make the right choices. I hope to learn that I don’t turn out like Grandpa Cockburn. I hope to learn that I’m strong and can stick to my beliefs, just like Joanna did over the summer. I mean I also hope that I don’t gain 15 pounds because all I eat is bread and Lucky Charms. So even though I haven’t even really approached my path yet, I am prepared for it and know what I want.
This blog is the worst. It's repetitive as we had a similar one a few weeks back. I can honestly say I cannot think of a choice or situation that fulfills what I think the purpose of this blog is. When you can't answer something specific, you should always make it more general: like a hypothetical situation. A test of my character? Oh, I decided not to drink at that party. Or I made an oath to myself to never smoke. Or I determined that I was too cool for drugs. They didn't test my character. It's merely proving to myself and everyone who chares to listen that I have morals and that I decided to live by them. It says that I am capable of "walking the walk." It's not challenging my character.
What does my horrible example say about me? It screams: I'M BORING. I make choices, I voice them loud and I usually don't care. I stand behind my choices, which is a test of character in itself. (Funny how most politicians still don't get it.)
What did I learn? I learned that my choices destroy the relationships I have with people. I learned that my choices build new ones. I learned that maybe I am not always right; everyone gets to make a bad choice. I'll go down in flames, however. I'd rather sink with my ship then to jump ship when I whole heartily disagree with what the other ship stands for. This creates problems … even though, I am not right and I know it. I will argue for hours as if I think I am right. It's bad when it come to the way people perceive you. I would be perceived as someone who always thinks they are right; which has a bitter connotation to it.
What would I expect to learn? This doesn't work with my hypothetical. Maybe I expected to learn something different. I feel like I always learn in unexpected ways as the result of my choices. I expect the unexpected, like big brother always says. I expect to wake up tomorrow with my room filled to the ceiling with Oreo's. (Because that would be absolutely delicious!)
I like Megan's example. College is going to test everything in us, down to the last little sip of juice. The choices I will make in college will not only test my character, but it will define it. I will shape into my own person: good or bad. (Good!!!) I will graduate college and be able to say I still have never smoked a blunt or drank an appletini.
When I think about testing my character, I think about how I have stayed away from drugs and alcohol. This is why my horrible example is boring, because it says nothing about me.
Decisions. Yuck. Everyone hates 'em, but everyone has 'em. They could seem stupid, like the perilous decision between Pops or Fruit Loops. Others could mean the world: the decision to run away, to get married, to, God forbid, take your own life. Despite how gruesome they may be at times, decisions are something not to be ignored, lest they haunt you the rest of your life.
Decisions are something not uncommon to me, as with, I'm sure, all of you. I've certainly made my fair share of bad decisions, such as telling my older brother to "F@#$ OFF", and I've endured each of their dire consequences (in that case, a swift crack across the mouth by my mother, whom, by the way, delights in wearing many rings). And I'm sure everyone's tired of the story of the worst decision to be made in my life: selling Bold. So, yes, I've made many decisions in my life.
One decision I could discuss with you would be when I decided to leave Hidden View Farm (the farm I'm at now, former home of Bold, current home of Owen). By the end of my sophomore school year, I was a distraught mess. I wanted nothing more than for that school year to be over (I, of course, had no clue of the utter Hell that would be in store for me the next year) and I couldn't stop thinking about the demise of Bold, made just a few months prior. It seemed every time I stepped onto the welcoming sand of Hidden View, ominous clouds rolled in and drowned me in tears. My paradise had become a torment. I thought the people who loved me had simply turned their backs on me and left me to suffer through a decision no kid should ever have to make. So one day, I couldn't take it anymore. I left. I took my tack, threw it hastily into the back of the car, and left the place that just didn't seem to need me in its way.
That summer, I tried out a new farm, one closer to me. Turns out, the trainer there was apparently schizophrenic, so I quickly made my way out of there. Afterwards, I did nothing that summer but sit apathetically in an armchair watching Lifetime like a post-menopausal old woman. Exciting, no?
Eventually, someone rescued me from my encapsulating apathy. I was brought back to the farm a new person. I realized that the Bold Affair was not my fault, nor anyone else's. Sometimes, you just have to let go.
Like Joanna, I'm proud of my decision, because I think it really gave me a chance to grow up. The Farmettes sort of look up to me now; I guess I come off as kind of "wizened" or something. I'm very glad I came back to the farm, because I think a good relationship with a person or place isn't one in which the people involved have no arguments, but are successful in their decisions to work through the arguments.
These past two days in English class have been pretty philosophical. After reading the description of our new book, “Perk of Being a Wallflower,” which I bought today, I saw that we’re only preparing ourselves now for this book. It seems pretty deep, and as much as I hate getting in touch with my own feelings (I personally like keeping them locked and having the key hidden and out of reach), I’m strangely excited to get in touch with them. Anyway, considering this blog is about choices and what we have learned or will learn from them, I should get to that…
I know I’m not the only one to feel that the biggest test is going to be college. Megan said that her biggest test isn’t going to be whether she can survive without her mom or even what college to attend, but whether she’ll be a successful student. I completely agree that this is by far the biggest test any of us will go through especially since our junior year is going to be over in less than a month. Let’s face it. We’ll all be applying to college in a few months, maybe less, and, as much as most of us are dying to do that and then leave Oakcrest for good, somewhere inside of all of us we’re scared of failing in college. Being completely independent and free from parental guidelines, college is by far our biggest test.
I can confidently say that I’m a focused young lady with self-discipline. I’m not a party animal and I don’t need to be social with everyone all the time. However, I do have a mom who keeps me pretty controlled in my social life, but I have to say that if I were to be exposed to all of that, I probably wouldn’t turn it down because I’d be way too curious. That is a test within the ultimate test of college – knowing when to say no and when to say yes. In the end, if I succeed in college, it will only strengthen my character of being focused and discipline, and I know I will.
We all have test that we have been put through but it is the one that makes a significant change in our life that we will remember.
So its my sophomore year and for the most part I was doing good but I was in CP classes so who doesn’t? Earlier that year I had dropped out from my AP government and honor English classes because I simply just couldn’t do the AP government and I wanted to have fun that year. When I told my mom I couldn’t do it she was very upset with me being that I was always the child that was in accelerated and honors classes and excelled in all of them. So reluctantly she signed the paper and I dropped out but while signing the paper she warned me that I better have all honors and at least one AP class my junior year. As she yelled these words I thought about all the pain and agony I would go through my junior year because I heard that if none of your other years were hard this was suppose to be the year that would get you.
Junior year starts and this is my year to prove to myself and my mom that I can do anything. I Had 3 honors classes and one AP class this year and I excelled in all of them. My GPA and class rank skyrocketed and I have learned more this year then all of my previous years combined. It took a lot of nights staying up late and study in every class for one test or another but I did it. I know just because my GPA went up and I have learned a lot this year doesn’t mean my test is over, now I have to await my scores from my AP test and do good on my finals.
It doesn’t just stop there. After junior year comes junior summer which is going to be filled with test. This is the summer that we are all actually responsible and can now be out on our own. Most of us have our license and will be driving. Most of our parent will be more lenient and let us do what we want but these are all test. We have to make the right decision on our own. After summer it is senior year and after that it is college. While at college we will all separate and go on our own test. We will be molded into the people that we will be for most of our life. We will pick our career that we want to partaking in for the rest of our life and for most of us we will meet that partner that we want to be with for the rest of our life.
Mike I am right there with you… I don’t have any juicy stories like Joanna that come to my mind and my story isn’t all crazy and extremely interesting. What is my path I take many of days? My paths are whether to turn the right way and keep working hard or turn the wrong way and give up or slack off. This tests my character because a major part of my character is to work hard and keep going. And I can’t just pick one event in the past that really tested this because everyday of my school career I had to decide whether or not to do my work, homework, and projects.
I always take the right path that consists of hard work and no slacking. These choices say good things about me. It shows I am a hard worker. It shows I am responsible and choose to do the right things. And it also shows that I don’t give up and do things that are necessary. The paths I chose and will continue to choose overall show a strong part of my character. My choices help define me and these particular choices just define me as a good hard working guy. It also shows that I can be reliable and do what is needed.
I learned from these paths that doing what I have to do and working hard, rather than giving up or slacking, will most always have a good outcome. I have seen that teachers and other people rely on me more than others (on a positive note). People also trust me more, rather than if I just didn’t care and slacked. Overall, I have learned this is the way to go if you want to succeed with things. One thing that I would like to learn is that if all this work will really pay off in the end. And I really hope it does.
And actually I just thought of an event that everyone can apply to. It’s the end of the year. The weather is hot and sunny, and it is perfect beach day. The classrooms of Oakcrest are not the place to be, but we have to be there till whatever day in June. The heat just puts you to sleep and makes everyone extra lazy. And here comes the choice. A teacher assigns a project. And your choice is whether to do the project and pass with a 99, or not do it and settle with a 91. What way would I go? I would most definitely take the 99. Yea, I may get lazy, but I fight through it so I can get the better grade. I want the best of everything and hate slacking off. I will always work my hardest and I always do something that is mandatory.
In the end, I hope I will pick most of the good paths. I will continue to build my character and do the right things. And I will not be pressured into the wrong path!
Commenting on Joanna’s blog:
I would like to say good job Jo! You did a good job and it shows you are loyal to your own character and respect others also. And it is proven with our actions that when you follow your path to goodness by the end of the night or whenever you will be proud with your outcome.
I would just like to point out that this blog, while vaguely similar to one a month ago, is asking you something completely different.
The last blog about choices had to do with the process you go through before you make a choice. This one is asking you to examine your motivations and to reflect on your choices in terms of what you learned about yourself. See--the same--but yet way different. Just puttin' that out there--MIKEY!
Oh boy, choices are back. Megan mentioned the big choice that has been on my mind all school year is college. She mentioned the actions she wants to take to make sure she is ready for college. She talked about how the decisions she is making now will affect her future. She is correct. I agree that I am trying to keep my head on straight, keep up my good grades, continue with my pursuit in soccer, and continue to challenge myself.
This college search has been one tough decision for me. It is strange that I have known what I have wanted to become since seventh grade but cannot make the decision on where I want to go to college. When I feel like I have made up my mind then someone tries to convince me on other options. I feel like this decision is will show my true character. I think the college I finally decide on will show what all my years of schooling has come down to. But then at the same time I don’t think the decision I make will make or break me. I am sure wherever I choose I will make the best out of it.
The major thing I want to do in college besides major in physical therapy is play soccer. Right now I have been playing on a traveling team and I have a game tomorrow night. I have made decisions to email college coaches and I have done research on which colleges I want to attend. But recently in track I hurt my foot. Originally, the first doctor I went to said I will be fine and should be able to continue with all my sports. The next doctor said I have to limit myself. Then today my mom was talking to a doctor and he said I should stay off of it because I keep tearing it more every time I run on it. Now I need to make a decision whether to finish out my track season or rest so I can perform in soccer or rest so I am not out for a season. I have not made my decision yet. But this decision will show what I am truly passionate about. I made a decision once about my foot to run at counties on it and I ran my worst time. That led me to the conclusion to not run on it at CALs. These simple decisions can actually lead me to my future. It is difficult for me since it is my first injury but the choices I have made I am trying to learn from so I can help my future and accomplish the goals I set for myself. The decision I make about my foot may make or break the decision I make for whether I continue to play soccer which could then lead me to which college I will choose.
I have learned a lot about myself this year. I learned I love sushi. I learned that I can hit the hell out of a softball. And I learned that as much as I want curly hair back, it's going to stay straight for a long time. I've learned all of these through trail-and-error, through choices and their consequences.
But one thing that I've learned about myself is that I am a strong person. Not physically (sike, Monica, we're butch<3) but mentally and emotionally. And that when I want something, I'm going to go out and get it. It took me awhile into the year to figure this out. I started the year off pretty lazy - but I've realized it tons lately, especially this spring.
Now, like Danny said, we may not have juicy stories like Joanna about secret hookups in the lifeguard hut, (props for avoiding the hookup, Jo!), but I do have yet another softball story. Most people know about the softball dilemma this year. All upperclassmen on the bench? It makes no sense. Basically I went into this season as the #1 pitcher for the Oak, but all that turned around when two frosh stepped in and were better than me, I guess. It still sucks admitting that they're "better than me", because I'm only saying that since it's what's been drilled into my head. Anyway, taking a backseat to two freshmen was NOT my game plan for the season. I worked my ass off trying to pitch harder than them, faster than them, better than them. And even when I did, I wasn't being recognized for my success. All in all, the situation sucked. Even though I wanted my spot, I decided that I'd have to focus more on something that I'd get more credit for and excell at. I stopped being angry at everyone in the world for me not being the best person out on the field anymore. I stopped talking smack and I started playing harder. I ended up clinching the number four spot in the order, and I have the highest batting average on the team now. I'm hoping to get at least 2nd team CAL as a utility player or some stupid title like that. But honestly, it's better than sitting there being miserable on the bench for the last three months.
The path I chose with softball, to be the bigger person in the situation and forget about the people who kept telling me I couldn't do it helped me realize that as long as I want something badly enough, I can and will go out and get it. It even made me realize that I'm not such a bitch. I started getting along with the people I was having problems with and stopped complaining about everything. Although this has got to be my least favorite season YET, I'm still glad I ended up trying to turn it around for the better. Hopefully I can continue with things like this because it's a good side of me that I thought with time I was losing.
This blog is kind of funny because recently i was put into a situation where a decision needed to be made and i was stuck between a rock. My dad has been having problems lately and it has been so hectic at my house because my mom is stressing and just everything is crazy. So in a few months, i had planned a trip to go on with a few of my friends. Now i have had this trip planned for a long time and i was super excited. The other day my mom told me that something was really wrong with my dad. It killed me. He would have to have surgery and that scares me. It just happens though that his surgery are on the same weekend as i had planned my trip. My mom said i should still go because it had been planned for a while, but something inside of me was just telling me i shouldnt go. I was torn. Eventually though after a long long thought process i came to my conclusion that i was staying home. My friends were upset when i told then but they understood and told me that it was the right thing to do. I felt really good inside. and then after i thought about for a while i wondered if it was really wrong to even have to think about that situation. I dont know. My life has always been put on a scale. Family, School, Sports, Friends, then anything else. My parents have brought me up that way and that is the way i will continue to live my life. I have my priorities and somethings come before others. No matter how fun or exciting that trip would of been. There will be other times and other trips, and my friends wouldnt leave me or look down upon me because of my decision. My friends said they were proud of me and that makes me feel good about my character.
Joanna, that is so funny, because that once happened to before. Even though the boy was really cute, hooking up with him would of been wrong and would of hurt you and his girlfriend in the long run. Good job Joanna on your good judgement!!
I would also like to add that this blog was interesting to me. It is weird to see different peoples situations and how you may some times be put in the same situations but within each of us, we deal we it and go down a different path. These paths are what make us all different and mold our lives together until eventually we hit the end of our life and the paths stop. But in some religious prospects it is not the end but only the beginning. So take each path and take it with pride for when we reach the end, there should be no regrets.
The whole thing is just like not sinking in for me yet. Maybe it’s because I’m trying to just forbid the thought of it from going into my head because I’m dreading the moment I have to go. The whole idea of college is scary, so scary that when I first read this week’s blog, I didn’t even think about it. I’m sure a few others did. Gary and Laina just to name a few, but anyway, I’ve had to make a lot of choices during my junior year here at the Oak. I just read EmRow’s complaints about softball, which I wouldn’t know about personally, but I’m right there with her. We’ve all been put into situations that make us feel like crap and like nothing we do is right, even when we work our butts off. I think by now we’ve all realized crying and getting mad over something doesn’t make it go away, so we deal with it at AP level if you will. I see myself letting things go that I once would hold a grudge about forever and I think it’s helped me get through things better. My example is pretty lame, especially because I feel like complaining about my grades is ridiculous. I have a 98 GPA, what’s to complain about, but really, I feel like I’m slipping. As I’m writing this blog, I’m really supposed to be after school in room 104 with Mrs. Baird making up two quizzes that I missed. This is not a life or death situation here, but I really should be making them up instead of sitting at home. Maybe it’s because I’m caught up in the whole turning 17 thing, driving, and having that freedom that it’s going to my head. Senioritis maybe? I think so, but that’s still no excuse and I’m noticing that I keep using it as one. I still have things under control and I haven’t just stopped caring, but really, this isn’t a smart way to act. I feel like if I don’t go back to my old freak out self about getting homework and tests done on time, I’m going to begin to not care at all. I’m so such smarter than this and that’s why I’m puzzled to why I’m acting this way. It’s not like me to turn things in late and put off making them up, yet I’m doing it. I think this blog has opened up a door for me, personally. Maybe it’s a sign to get a hold of myself and stop slacking off. Maybe I should do homework instead of go out with my friends. Maybe I should not go on a million trips for school and stay and learn some chemistry. I’m seriously lost in there. I guess I just realized I need to like man up. Thanks Bunj, for this wake up call blog! <3
Reading Felicia and Joanna’s blogs make me wonder about what I’m going to type down. Unlike Felicia I can never ignore a situation in the family. You can say I’m sort of a nosy person who goes into the family business, but maybe that isn’t always the right choice. Everytime I get involved with my sisters or brothers business it would end up in a fierce argument that could last for maybe a couple of hours? Well even so, we still talk to each other a lot and things get solved eventually. Family problems are a pain in the butt, but since I care so much for my family that I meddle into every situation possible. Take for example my “problems” with my cousin Angel, she’s a butt and she gets whatever she wants except for being allowed to date people. Well last summer my family and I came over to their place and we met up with my other cousin Steven from my dad’s side of the family, we all hung out and had fun, but I guess you can say there was something going on between Angel and Steven that summer. Just to let you know Angel was 13 and Steven was 16 at the time.
Now back to the main ordeal, I was on the computer in her room talking to Steven on aim until I went downstairs to get something, Angel jumped on the computer under MY username and asked him whether he thought she was cute or what not. At first he hesitated to say anything, but he said yeah she’s cute. I was really pissed at her because I couldn’t even tell him that it was her who asked on MY username. Later she adds him secretly on her aim account and coincidentially I saw it and asked why she even had him on hers. All she simply said was, “Umm…I just want more people on my aim.” In my head I was like b….! I never really liked her. After we left their place and went home to good-old NJ, they started dating! I was shocked to find out, but I secretly found out. Shh! When I asked her she told me she wasn’t and that they were just friends. In my point of view, my cousin from my mom’s side and dad’s side going out isn’t a pretty idea, it sounded wrong, but even so I had a choice of telling my mom about the whole situation. I mean she’s not allowed to date at 13 and the whole idea was disgusting. Each time on Myspace her pictures would get further than rated pg13 and she continues to lie about the whole thing. The fact that I felt guilty for not telling was riding on me, but was it worth telling if she might cry from depression? Which was a better choice, telling my mom about her now letting her go out with people she shouldn’t be and risk getting into bigger trouble?
Well you should’ve guessed that I did tell on her but that didn’t do much. My mom was afraid to tell her own sister about the ordeal, because she wouldn’t believe her anyways. But I think I made the right choice, it’s better to tell on someone now than letting it progress even further in the wrong direction. At the time that I told on her she was going out with another “gangster” dude who looked like he was on crack. Sorry but he does. I’m confident that I made the right choice and at least I know that I don’t take sympathy as a factor in my decision making.
Our teenage years are full of choices. From avoiding a secret hookup to being the better person to work harder at softball, life is all about choices. Through choices, sometimes a life can be altered, and knowing that seems to multiply the amount of pressure put on the big decisions. But, eventually everyone needs to come to a decision. Sometimes, they might regret the choice, sometimes they might realize what a great one it was, and sometimes a person might just never see the outcome of their choice while others may. I've made plenty of choices in my 17 years, and I try not to regret any of them. Through this year, I have progressed and matured. One choice really stands out to show all of this.
All of you in period 12 might remember the day I walked in with my usual pep-in-my-step and then randomly started tearing up. (But, then Bunje gave me the amazing flower and I was all better=]) But, anyway, even though I had no idea why I was really getting so upset and angry, the following days of that incident, I became very proud of myself for my choices.
That morning, two girls decided to talk some smack on me and tell a bunch of lies that weren't true one bit, and yes, I was pretty offended and mad due to the fact that I had just spend a whole period of my day helping them with their research papers. So, after that, I really wanted to be entirely mean to them. I wanted them to realize that you can't just talk about people with out knowing them just to make your life seem more entertaining. But, I didn't. I knew that if I was a complete bitch to them, it would only give them more stuff to talk about, and this time it would actually be true. I decided that instead of giving attitude and starting unneeded drama, I would prove them wrong to the people that needed to realize it the most; themselves. And from what I've seen so far, I think I might've.
I made a choice to be the bigger person and not take the path of pettiness. I'm old enough to know that "two wrongs don’t make a right." I learned that you can show people a better side, and you can diminish a stereotype that a person fitted you into. People all deserve a chance, even if they aren't giving you one. It would have been a lot easier to make every passing moment with them an awkward moment, but it wouldn’t have solved anything. It would have made me less satisfied and took too much energy focusing on how to make them “pay”. It’s not like I wanted to ruin their lives or get some extreme revenge, but I was pretty mad! But, every feeling fades. Now, sitting in first period, it’s a lot easier to just look at them and realize that I took the higher road.
Haha!i laugh in the face of danger!!! Well choices I’ve made! The year is 1998, I am a wee little child. It is Christmas Eve. Family and friends surround the Peralejo’s family room. We eat, we laugh, we cry. I’m excited and cannot wait until the following morning to open gifts. There are so many gifts, and I just want to open all of them. I was about 9 already. I knew that I couldn’t open the gifts because I had to wait. I begged my mom to open one gift just one. Suddenly I was given a present and my mom and dad decided I could open it. SHOCKINGLY!!!! I have received Pokemon red for my Christmas present from one of the guests. I was so excited!! I couldn’t wait to open it a play it, so I whipped out my gameboy and I started playing. As I begin playing I was suddenly asked to pick a Pokemon!!! What Pokemon should I pick??? Charmander, Bulbasaur, or Squirtle? Should I go with my heart or with tactics?? What should I do?? I went with my heart and chose Charmander. The point is that you must go with your heart and what you think is the right decision. Despite anybody elses input. Beware of your choice though. With all decisions comes consequences. With you decision for anything, you may change the world. The minutest thing will change the world. From you eating all the peanut butter to voting for the new president.
Another example
Once I was put into this predicament or conundrum. I was allowed to invite 15 friends to go to my grandmother’s birthday party at one of the casinos. My grandparents’ parties are so fun. I knew all my friends would be happy with it. I wrote out a invitation list and realized I couldn’t invite one of friends because of her issue with one of the other girls. The whole time I didn’t know whether to invite her or not. I decided despite the issues, I was going to invite her. The whole night went great. No problems happened or anything. My friends are smart enough to be polite and not cause problems at family events. This showed that I made the right decision. It tested my character upon friendship. I was being an amazing friend. It showed that I could trust my friends with each other. It not only tested my character but also their character. I was happy with all our decisions.
I agree with what Bunje said today. That everything happens for a reason. We all make decisions for a reason. I believe in destiny and that all my decisions will nudge the world a little.
I never personally have been all that good at making choices. I would put in some examples, but the only ones that really come to mind feel too personal for me to really want to just go ahead and talk about them.
Frankly I feel like, so often in my life I am motivated chiefly to follow the path of least resistance. I do the thing that I have to move towards the least to achieve. I wouldn’t call myself lazy. I just sort of get shell shocked easily. When I get to the point where I can make a choice that would really improve things for me, I just freeze. It seems like the choices that could make me happy just get shut out of my mind and my own cowardice forces me to just stay where I am. To become stagnant.
I guess I need to learn to move. I live a photographic lifestyle. I’m a single frame, eternally suspended in my current state of reality. I want to see some real sort of character development in my life. I want to see the change, but I really just seem to miss every opportunity that’s offered to me.
I suppose I need to be able to see before I can move. It’s like opportunity knocks all the time in my life, I’m just too deaf and dumb to realize it was even here until it is already long gone.
Wait. Pause this train of thought for a second. I was just about to use that stupid cliché about a door opening, and all that normal crap. I just had one idea, maybe this metaphor limits the scope of reality. I mean saying “Doors” suggests that life is just covered in walls all over the place. Now that I think about it, maybe there aren’t so many walls all around. I mean, there are obstacles, but nothing you can’t overcome. There’s nothing impassible. Earth is not a linear environment. We have left and right, but we have upways and downways, and frontways, and backways and sideways and slantways.
I guess I’ve learned through recent events that I shut myself into a linear path too much, I want to wait for those perfect moments so much that I miss them when they come along. I forgot that in the end any moment is the perfect moment, any moment can be my own utopia, I just have to let it be. The world will not work for me. I must work to gain the world.
Now I promise that this is the last time I write about Bryant, but he involves my most recent decision. Him being a jerk, I decided that I am going to move on and I don't need him. He put me through hell and broke my heart and I can't do that to myself anymore, so I decided to completely cut him off from my life and move on. I will find somebody new and somebody better to make me even more happy. By making this decision, it makes me strong. It also helps me realize what I truly want in life and gives me the chance to regain my true self. By him dumping me, it has taught me what I should not do in my next relationship and that I deserve better. He will regret it in the end.
Making the final choice to move on was the most difficult thing I ever had to do. I was holding on to the love that wasn't there and it was emotionally draining me to the point where I wasn't myself anymore. No man is worth that kind of pain and I'm proud of myself for moving on. I don't think of him as much as I used to and I don't worry about his life (I make fun of it instead lol). He's making bad decisions right now and I don't want to be mixed in that so I'm glad that I'm out of that and I'm even more glad that I finally gained the courage to say that I can move on and be without him. From the influence and help of my friends and Bunje, it really helped me make this decision, but I had to get over it all on my own. And I'm so glad I made this choice. I'm turning into myself again and I laugh at everything he is doing wrong, which sounds mean, but he deserves it. I'm becoming more independent now and my own person. No longer do I fully rely on people and you know what? I honestly learned from this situation. I learned how stupid boys are, but also how strong I am and that I can overcome anything with the help of those who truly love me and the help of my inner self.
Everyone is faced with decisions every day. Each one of those decisions leads us to a place that we may or may not be familiar with, but ultimately we learn from them. Of course there are those decisions that put us in the same , “familiar/unfamiliar path”, but I guess those decisions are out of pure foolishness and/or vanity. I think if there was ever a situation I got into that tested my character would be a situation that I got involved in earlier this year. I know now that I failed miserably, but I learned from it. Now, I know the school rule says students can’t have their cell phones out. Some teachers strictly enforce it with some others don’t necessarily care as long as it doesn’t disturb the class. However it’s a little hard to follow that rule with teachers walking down the hallway talking on their phone. (leading by example, right?) Well, I choose to take out my phone and text at a very wrong time. So, I didn’t have a problem giving up my phone because I knew I did something wrong, I felt like Samson when that dirty whore Delilah cut his hair and thereof usurping his super strength! But, anyways, with the hope that I would get it back by the end of the day I marched my ever so pugnacious butt over to the office to retrieve my crown and glory to only find out that phone wasn’t there. Immediately I thought someone either stole it or My teacher forgot to hand it to the office. Next thing I know I’m arguing with my teacher first period because I didn’t have my phone for a day and the office refuse to give it to me the next day when she delivered it because “I didn’t need it.” Well, I got so PO’ed that I called the teacher all the worst names I could think of. It was the most out of character thing that I had ever done. Now that I look back on it I blew up on her because I felt threatened by her. It sounds kind of stupid, but I was mad as hell because who was she to impede on my lifestyle and just forgetting and what does “her having a lot on her mind” have anything to do with me! At the time I was so stressed out and I was having to deal with so many things that her forgetting about me was just fuel to my fire. I look back on it now and I don’t like that I did it all. My friends revered me for a little while, but then all the commotion died down and I then realized that I had to deal with her for the rest of the year. I felt really ignorant and disrespectful. It was one of those situations that had I been the other girl sitting in another seat I would have laughed at myself because I know I looked so stupid! I wouldn’t say that I want to be able to control my anger because I feel like I do a good job of controlling myself when I am angry, but I guess I learned where my breaking point was and through talking to teachers and friends about it I learned how to avoid that.
Today in class we talked a bit about choosing your path; how you choose, what motivates those choices etc. One of the most important things, I think, about the notion of choices and decisions and such is the fact that, through each choice we make, we, albeit unconsciously, undergo a process of education. We learn something. Whether it be about ourselves, our friends, our loved ones etc, we learn. Sometimes, the paths we choose take us somewhere dark and foreboding; in which case we learn we never want to return there. Other times, our choices transport us to a place of whimsy and euphoria and bliss. When that happens, we want to take meticulous notes on how we may someday return to that same place. (I am speaking metaphorically, here) Either way, there is both direct and indirect knowledge gained from the decisions we make about the paths we follow. And, as with every bit of education, there is always a test. Again with the tests!
This week, I would like you to think about a time in your life where you were forced to undergo a test of your character due to a choice you made. Or, if you are poised on the precarious precipice of decision now, you can make a prediction about what you are about to experience. What do you think this choice, this path said, says or will say about you? What did you or will you learn? What do you want to learn?
This blog reminds me a lot of the one “Choices, Changes and the Chills....It's all relative” so for once I have a general idea of the direction that I am going to take this. Choices define our lives. Everyday we find ourselves making choices that could affect us down the road for the better or for worse and we constantly have to think and make sure that the choice we are making is right. I don’t really know why but when I think of choices I think of that old saying “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side”. We try and try to be the best we can and to make the best decisions but sometimes our choices aren’t exactly the right ones. But is there really a right and wrong choice? Or is a “wrong choice” just a good choice that we don’t reap the benefits from until later on when we learn from that mistake? Like the kid on the tootsie pop commercial, “I guess we’ll never know…” lol. Ok but back to reality aka the blog. Back when we had the character blog I learned a little bit about myself because it really caused me to think about what character traits I possessed that I liked and didn’t like and one of the things about me that I liked and pride myself on is my loyalty to my friends. I like to stay away from drama for the most part but since no one can avoid it completely there is always the occasional tid bit, but anyways I am also one of those people who doesn’t let other people tell me what to think. I am friends with some people that may not be liked by everyone and sometimes I felt like I was in the middle, but I never let what anything anyone said effect me or my friendships. I have learned the hard way not to listen to what other people say because I could have been friends with people much sooner if I had stopped listening to other people and just gotten to know them for myself. These are just some of the choices that we have to live with everyday and since life is never easy we will always be forced to make decisions whether that choice is as easy as special k or rice krispes, or as hard as whether or not to do the right thing that Joanna had to do last summer when it was “almost the last day of summer”. And I am happy to say that it is almost the last day of school. Well not quite exactly but close enough. As for decisions right now my next big decision will be one of two things depending on variable which I have no control over of which one comes first. You are probably wondering what these choices are so I guess I will enlighten you. As of know I will be coaching this summer on the swim team that I have been swimming on since I was 7. No big deal did it last summer and loved it so there is nothing to be afraid of. However…I also want to try and make the beach patrol in long beach island. If I make it than my mom said the only way I could do it was if I carpooled with someone. Ok again no big deal the jensen’s guard up there and said they would give me a ride if I made it. So you are prob asking yourself how this is a decision at all. Seems pretty easy right? Wrong! So Krista Jensen (one of said carpoolers) makes L.I.T instructor we would have to leave every morning at 6. Swim practice starts at 5:45. See the problem? Yeah me too. I really want to coach because I love it and I feel like I have already obligated myself to do it but I need a real job that I work more than one hour a day if I want to go to a southern college like I want to. Which brings me to my next choice. Where will I go to college? I guess my acceptance letters will determine all of that but it will still be tough deciding where to apply, where to visit, when to visit… you get the point. In the future I just hope that I stay down the right path and keep making wise decisions that benefit me in the long run. Well off to coach =]
There are just so many choices made in one’s life and there is a test of character after just about every major choice, weather good or bad. Sometimes choices can be good and bad the only difference is the perspective. For me a choice that tested me was in band, of course because I’m such a band geek =], for last year’s field show I switched instruments from the sax to tuba. Now for most people that doesn’t seem like such a big deal but it can be. Well it was a test of character for me because during the year I tried to keep all my sax friends and better my friendships in the brass. The problem is that not everyone in the brass wanted to be my friend and my brass friends weren’t all friends with my sax friends. So I spent the whole season trying to keep all these friends together even though it was tearing me apart.
This choice was so difficult because on one side I was happy to go to brass because I had friends there but I was sad that I was leaving my Saxes because some of my best friends were there and I wasn’t sure how they were going take it. I learned thought from this choice that when you have friends that are true friends they’ll stick with you through anything. I’m just glad that I have friends like that. I think that what this really did for me personally is that it gave me a slap in the face to not worry about stupid stuff. I could in a way say that it helped me say to myself forget what other people think because this is what I want to do so I’m going to do, I’m not sure because that is how I felt but in myself I was never sure if my choice was the right one so also in a way I guess it taught me to think through my decisions before I make them and it reinforced my thought that once you make a choice you stick with it and follow through.
I like how zander found a way to incorporate pokemon in to our blog. Well I agree with him when he says to use your heart when making choices I just thing that you have to realize when it is ok to use your heart only but I tend to look over the decision when I chose using my heart because sometimes your heart isn’t enough to base a decision off of, but that’s just the way I see it.
Well now that I am recovered from the House season finale, somewhat anyway, I am going to write my blog now. Each day is filled with choices, Each day is in fact a choice. How I live my life is a choice. I choose to stress out. I choose to be passionate about different aspects of my life. I choose, I choose, I choose. Like Jon Henry, I am a little tired of pouring my soul and personal life into a blog entry. This isn’t because I have a problem with talking about myself; it is because I do not feel like having people judge me. ::Insert ghetto attitude here:: They don’ know me! So I will do my best to answer this blog without giving much revealing details.
So I am “thinking about a time where I was forced to undergo a test in character” about a recent choice I had to make. This recent choice wasn’t whether or not to kiss a severely cute taken boy (however I wish it was, GO JO!) or what college I want to attend (Mamma knows I know where I am going!), but one of those “moral principle” dilemmas. Now, Bunje and several select friends, you know most likely what I am talking about here, so I will just discuss the issue slightly. I had to make a decision on whether or not to follow the wishes of my family or the wishes of myself. I had to decide whether or not to make my mother happy or myself happy. Most importantly I had to make a decision on whether or not to stand by and allow ignorance and bigotry to reign supreme or to stand up for my beliefs and for what is right. Knowing my personality, it is not hard to figure out what decision I made. I stood up for what was right.
From this choice I learned that I must always stand up for what is right, no matter who it will piss off. At the end of the day, I have to live with myself. Knowing that my decision was made by following my heart and my instinct, I am only accountable to myself.
As I was reading the other blogs, Jon’s really stood out for me. This is probably because the way he described himself was the exact opposite of how I would describe myself. He takes the road of least resistance while I, whether conscious or not, take the road of most resistance. I don’t know why I feel the need to take the harder path, but I do.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets, 1999
Okay, so like Mikey I've had kind of a hard time figuring out what my "big choice" was going to be that I wanted to talk about. I could go with something easy like Zander’s choice about his pokemon or something more deep like college or about true friends and realizing the meaning of life. But anyway, I think I finally stumbled upon something I’m willing to talk about to everyone even if it’s weird to relate to.
So, like a few blogs ago or however many it was, I’m going to talk about dance again. I’ve realized that my obsession with dance is kinda like Emrow’s obsession with softball. I love to dance. I have been doing it ever since I can remember, honestly. I do not remember probably my first 6 or 7 recitals until I was probably in 6th or 7th grade. But it’s all I know. Every since I was like 4 or 5 when my mom realized I wasn’t going to be a T-ball or soccer star, I’ve been going to dance class. At first it was once a week, then 2, then 3, and now at my studio I’ve been at for 5 years, I’m here Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays from at least 4-9. Sometimes it’s taking my classes and the others it’s working in the office. There are at least 75 girls 12 and under that I know personally as well as their moms. And I’m not going to lie, they look up to me. When I was little, there were always the “older girls”, sort of how incoming freshman view seniors. But now, in my 12th year, I’m the “older girl.” But to get to the point of my choice, here is my dilemma. On August 29th, 2008, I’ll (hopefully) be passing my driver’s test and getting my license. My mom has pretty much given me an ultimatum of dance or a car. I’m sure she doesn’t want me to come back because she thinks it is too much money, which it kind of is. I’ve been thinking about it for so long now and I realized that I HAVE to come back. I am actually at work now, but have nothing to do and 3 little girls that are 9 I think just came up to me and gave me big hugs. I mean, how can I resist that? I love to dance and I love being a part of my dance “family.” I guess I’m going to have to work my butt off this summer at a job that I don’t have yet. But I’m confident that I made the right choice and that it is going to make me happier in the end =)
And I just have to mention Joanna’s like everyone else. That is pretty gutsy and really great. We are all really proud of you for being able to make that decision probably within a few seconds and knowing that it would be better to do what you did.
I STARTED MY BLOG. I started it as a little word document, but now my mom is making me get off the computer and leave because I have to go to a 4H meeting (horse club stuff). AJSKLjfekafjkleajfkljwaawfejliawfj.
Yes, not the most eloquent thing I could say. But undoubtedly the most appropriate.
I just wanted to let you know, Bunje, as my real post is going to end up being on or around 9:00, because I don't think I'll get back until like 8:45. I could post the scanty skeleton of a blog I have now, but I don't feel that would do my prospective full answer justice. So this is just a forewarning - I am answering the blog, but it will be a little late.
fjeailafjeklafjeklfjklwafjfj 4H. (Substitute "fjeailafjeklafjeklfjklwafjfj" for any expletive you desire.)
Hmmm. I somewhat have a story about when i was forced to undergo a test of my character. Back in March, or some month before April, our very own Jon Henry asked me if i wanted to preform with him in cabaret night. I was pretty excited about the idea and I accepted his invitation almost immediately. But once he signed us up for auditions, I realized that I'm going to embarrass myself. I usually tend to do that. Especially since I'm naturally a shy person. I don't like being the center of attention or anything like that, but since I was accepted to be apart of an act, I realized that I had to overcome that fear.
We practiced playing the song a few times and it seemed alright. But auditions were coming up and i was becoming a nervous wreck. I couldn't eat and i was shaking a little. I can barely speak in front of a class let alone play guitar and sing. It was going to be a major test for me. SO we auditioned and we made it to preform in cabaret night. I was excited and scared at the same time. I really wanted to do it, but i didn't want to make a fool of myself. All i could do was practice constantly.
Finally, it was the night of cabaret night. I was freaking out but i tried not to show it. I set up my guitar and stuff and i waited for them to announce our names... "Freak show and the bearded lady" (the bearded lady is PETE D'AMICO!!!!) Anyway, For some reason, once i started talking on the microphone, I was completely fine. I felt like the stage was where i was meant to be. I played the song like i would at my house and as if no one was there in the auditorium. I felt calm and not really nervous at all. It was an amazing feeling hearing everyone laugh and cheer at the end. It was probably one of the most greatest feelings I have ever had. That choice i made to participate in cabaret night was one of my best choices and I'm really glad that I followed through with it. I would have never been able to do that If it wasn't for Jon. He was born to be on stage in my opinion. He helped me to not be so afraid of going on stage in a way. I really want that feeling again.
I think that over coming my fear of being on stage says about me that I'm not really as shy as i thought i was. About a year or two ago I would have never been able to do that. Also, since the performance, I have felt a lot more confident with everything. It's pretty awesome. I guess i learned that I shouldn't really worry about challenges that face me and that I should just go through it and never give up. If i try hard enough, things will work out for the best. Hopefully.
So I've actually been thinking about this alot lately for a number of different reasons: discussions in Bunje's class, phone calls with my biff, resurfacing past experiences, giving advice to my sister, etc. They've all just seemed to come together like little puzzle pieces. And then it got me to recall a class period we had a couple of weeks ago, when Bunje asked us to write “Things We’ve Learned” on an index card. I managed to come up with a few things about myself, like the fact that I’m very analytical. I am. But after the happiness discussion earlier this week, I realized another thing. Am I really happy? At the beginning of junior year, I could definitely say that nothing was wrong with me and there’s nothing to worry about. No black clouds on my horizon. But now, I don’t think so.
In honor of our wonderful 3-day project, I’m going to recycle an old example that I used in a blog a long time ago. But first, I’ll use something more recent that involved my sister. See, last week she had a huuuuuge fight with her friends; they all thought that she had changed and that she needed an “intervention”. She felt betrayed, and for good reason. However much she stood behind her opinions, they still managed to tear her apart. I found her one evening in her room crying. Y’know, that kind when your whole body shuts down and you shake uncontrollably like nothing could relieve you? I figured all I could do was rub her back and give her a hug, but the only advice I could give was not to change for them. No matter how much they defeated her, she knew she didn’t do anything wrong. Changing herself for their satisfaction could only make her feel worse.
In retrospect on a similar confrontation with my best friends when I was about her age, I feel like a hypocrite for saying that. A few years ago, my closest friends decided to band against me because they couldn’t deal with me; let me tell you, I had a slight problem of “sweating the small stuff”, getting too attached, and getting very jealous. Anyway, they pretty much abandoned me. One of them, luckily, said that I could have a chance of forgiveness if I changed. I sure did.
Surprisingly enough, Zander has me thinking about the whole Pokemon example. I have faced the same challenge many a time and many a game in my life when I’ve had to choose my first Pokemon. Whichever one I decided on would affect the entire progression of the game; however, the best part about Pokemon is that you can restart the game or play a whole new one after you beat it. I know life isn’t like that. It’s not like I can rewind or erase the decisions I’ve made. And there’s definitely no “new game” option, unless I end up being reincarnated or something. But for that entire game until I win, I’m stuck with that one choice. Was it the right one? In this scenario, it’s a little of both.
I went from one extreme to the other. If ever I understood what depression is, I can say that I was that summer. But what could be worse than losing your best friends? I tried not to dwell on horrible experiences and try to change situations; I’d just accept it and move on with a smile. It seemed okay for the longest time. A flawless approach at life. I think it’s catching up to me now though. I second guess myself and I’m not very confident anymore because I think about all of the chances at succeeding that I missed because I was too blissfully ignorant to care. I can’t shrug things off anymore; I can’t put my life on autopilot; I can’t continue this apathy. This year, I’ve found that it’s okay to admit when you’re upset and cry a little. It’s fine to have problems. And NEVER will I change myself for someone else. Look at that friend relationship now. I barely even talk to her. So I had a brief digression from who I was a few years ago. Am I denying that this change ever occurred? Of course not, because I’ve taken something away from it. I think I’ve found a happy (haha) medium between depressed and perfectly content. I feel a bit jaded and scarred, especially in light of the recurring presence of the one-who-started-it-all. I guess now I’ll try to adapt to this new change in me.
Stepping out of my character is not something I like to do. I do no think it is something anyone likes to do, but everyone does it. Doing it can have both positive and/or negative effects depending on the situation. A negative effect would be if an honest person is forced to lie or if a loving person is forced to fight. Positive ways someone can be forced out of their character is if lazy person joins the local football team or if a shy person moves to a new neighborhood and is forced to be outgoing. I consider shy as one of my most apparent characteristics. People who do not know me think I am quiet and well shy, but once you get to know me I am not at all quiet and not quite very shy.
Being shy is not a good characteristic to have when you go off to college. I am 100% positive that if I want to get the most out of my college experience, which I do, I will have to step out of my normal box and trade in my shyness for some outgoingness. Doing this will ensure I will have a fun and beneficial college experience. Hopefully from this I will learn how be more comfortable being myself around anyone and I will no longer feel the need to be shy and reserved. This will show a positive effect of stepping out of my norm and my character.
On the other hand, I have already experienced stepping out of my character in a negative way. I have always been an honest person and not only was I honest, but I hated liars. Only to find that one day I would turn into exactly what I hate. As I am sure everyone has all heard my mom is extremely strict. I am not aloud to do ANYTHING unless there is absolutely no way any guy could possibly be there, and as we all know there is a possibility for anyone to be well anywhere. Well there was this guy that I kind of liked and he liked me. He asked me out on a date, and being the goody two (I’m not sure if that’s the right “to”) shoes that I am a was hesitant to say yes, but then my teen instincts got the best of me and I said yes. We worked out the details and decided to have dinner at his house. The only catch was I would have to lie to my mother about where I was going to be.
So I told her I was going to sleep over my best friend’s house and all was set. Everything was going right as planned until I got caught. I stepped out of my normal, honest character and lied and got in a BUNCH of trouble because of it. Even though this was an all in all bad experience I still think a lot has come from it. Not only was this the start of my current boyfriend and my relationship but it also taught me that after you sneak and do something that you should have been aloud to do in the first place, you do not want to get caught. Also I may have learned that lying is not the best thing to do in any situation, especially for a guy. But the way I see it these years are all about making mistakes and learning, pushing tings to the limit and testing the waters.
=D
I thought this blog would be about choices I make in my love life but instead I want to go a little deeper. In doing so I am exposing myself to a lot of people and I rather not but this was a tough choice that involved a lot of consequences which deserves to be discussed. As most of you know my parents are getting a divorce. I have been dealing with this process for over four months and it is one of the most heart breaking and damaging experiences I’ve had to face. I really can’t allow myself to go into all the details even my “closest” friends don’t know what is occurring. So to avoid posting my business we’ll focus on the decision.
Normally in making decisions I like to view all my options. Options are always good to have especially because I don’t like just black and white, there’s always a little gray somewhere. This was not the case with this decision, I had two options and that was it.
It’s never good to have just two, a girl could lose her mind dwelling on all the possibilities and consequences, weighing her options. Even worse than my options were the people who were going to get hurt in making my choice.
It’s hard to make choices especially ones involving the people you love. Lying is not something I like to do ever yet some situations call for it. I’m not sure if that’s exactly true though. Well I hate liars as well which also keeps me from lying. Well what if someone you really care about asks you to lie? And before you can decide what to do you are thrown into that situation in which you were called to lie in. Well what do you do? I failed and told the truth which opened up problems that could’ve been avoided by a simple lie. I wonder if I made the right choice if I really had to tell the truth. Did I tell the truth out of anger? Or because it was the right thing? Am I upset because it hurt people around me? Or because things didn’t work out in my favor? Would lying have caused more or less damage? As I sit here upset I really wished I would’ve lied. Does that make me a morally bad person? Or human? I don’t have answers to these questions running around in my head. And if I did maybe I would no what type of person I really am. Did I tell the truth so that I could cover it up because it was the right thing to do? You would think being honest is always the right thing but I’ve learned that depending on your intentions not so much. Intentions, a word that is the root of all choices. I thought my intentions were well but maybe not. And through this whole thing I’ve learned one thing….. don’t get married.
So after that mighty, ominous clouds rolled through my neighborhood and decided to knock my power out, I decided I would come to Megan’s house to do my blog. It barely stormed and it had to go out right as I sat down to do the blog. Anyway I agree with Mike. I hate this blog. It is hard to think back to when my character was tested. Probably because I do not like thinking about the times I might have gone against my better judgment and character. Choices are what shape are day and how it goes. Whether it is picking what clothes we want to wear to school or should we skip Spanish class because it is a joke and the class is not structured at all and the work that we do can be annoying and I hate Spanish, choices test our character and determine how or day will be. Looking back at some of the decisions I had to make and can see that gradually the choices that tested my character changed as I got older.
When I was a little Dave there was a time that I acted against my character. We had this play in the auditorium that was not interesting whatsoever. Sitting in the back did not help the situation much either. Everyone in my row started to slouch in their seats, make noises, and act like the immature, querulous 4th graders they were. Growing up in a family that preached respect and kindness, what I did went against my character. I decided that I would “be cool,” or the more hip version “kewl,” and slouch in my chair and be disrespectful toward the people on stage. I knew I was not being myself but I still did it anyway. Our music teacher kept yelling at us and said to me that I was better than that. This was not the end of my actions that went against my character.
There were one or two more times I went against my character. As I started to get older and become more mature, I realized who I was and the choices I made changed. I no longer followed everyone else and acted against what I believed. At the end of freshmen year I began to talk to Megan. One night a bunch of us decided to get together to study for our Bio exam. At the end of night when I was getting ready to leave, Andrew kept on telling me to take her into the basement and hook up with her. Knowing that that was not the type of guy I was I decided not to. Instead I ended up giving her a goodnight smooch on the lips.
From thinking back to those days I realized that I have matured and this maturity has changed my decision making. When I was younger I did not know who I truly was and therefore didn’t act properly. I know in the future I will be faced with many important decisions. As Megan stated, college is around the corner and it will bring many important decisions. I just hope the decisions I make will be the right ones and will get me to where I want to be in the future.
I feel like in the last two months I have gone through a roller coaster ride of decisions, some important, big decisions, some more insignificant. In some situations, I can say I made the right, responsible decision, but others I look at and question where my head was at at the time. Sure, hindsight is twenty-twenty and I’m “only a teen” but still a part of me can not help but be let down at some of the decisions I have made. Our discussion a couple days ago about whether we are a planner or a nonplanner really describes this situation I find myself in. I seem to have somewhat lost myself in the process and my very strict planning motivation has turned more into a desire for the fun in the moment, not in the long run. Rash decisions are not my thing, living in the moment, not so much. But lately I have been letting my motivation become too influenced by fun and spontaneity. I feel like the “good”, well behaved path has always been more paved and prominently the correct choice in my mind, there’s never been a want to travel down the other, until recently.
But I think all of this can be pinpointed with something we are all going through, getting our license and being bombarded with an unlimited amount of power over our decisions. After my birthday I was no longer tied down to what my parents wanted me to do or where they wanted to go. My plans no longer revolved around whether or not their schedules would be free. I had my own car and my license and could do what I wanted, at least that’s what I was hoping. One thing stood in my way, time and time again, my curfew. The restriction I felt before my license was suddenly right back on me with the introduction of a curfew. And to top it all off, it takes about twenty minutes minimum to get from my house from anywhere in Mays Landing. So as can be expected, I was late for my curfew a few times.
A prime example of this would be this past weekend. I was with some friends who decided our night would consist of a pointless “road trip” to pass time, meaning that we were going to go to White Castle. Not for the food, because that is nothing to brag about, but strictly for the experience, oh and the milkshakes. Yes, six of us drove an hour away fro a milkshake that we could have easily gotten at various places within five minutes of us. But the fact that the one guy was visiting from England and wanted to visit it before returning home in two day and the fact that we had a least a destination, was enough to make me go along with the plan. We started our journey two hours and fifteen minutes before I had to be home. Long story short, we met some interesting characters at White Castle, I found it costs $18 for twenty hamburgers, we got milkshakes which were too frozen to even sip, and I was definitely going to be late for curfew. I told my mom on my way home I was going to be late which was at least somewhat responsible. Thank goodness everyone in my house was asleep when I got home because, well, I was really late as you can imagine.
I don’t know what possessed me to disregard my curgew that I knew I had, or what rationalized this idea in my mind because I knew I would get in trouble for being late. It all goes back to living in the moment, living for the fun of the moment. Maybe the reason I’, doing this lately more and more is me longing for summer and the fun and freedom that comes with summertime, or its my new sense of freedom that has come with my license. Like Becca, I think this blog has acted like a wake up call. Hopefully I can get this under control and keep myself in line and in the door before my curfew. The kicker, I didn’t even get in trouble for being late, that really helps me think its wrong, huh!?
This summer, I was presented a choice. I could work, earn money, and have fun with that money (mostly spend it on gas, though, with the way gas prices are getting) or I could play baseball, scrounge with little odd jobs for meager amounts of money for gas to get to the field, and have little or no time for fun between doing little jobs and playing baseball five days a week. I went with the obvious choice – baseball.
What is going to happen because of this choice? Instead of partying with my friends Friday night, I’ll be sleeping because I have a game Saturday morning. Instead of partying Saturday night, I’ll be at home sleeping because I’m exhausted from working out for baseball. Sunday I’ll have practice. After practice I’ll work, either mowing the McCarthy’s lawn, finding a job around the house, or practice more, the best kind of work.
I hope that I’ll learn a valuable lesson at the end of this summer telling me I made the right choice. Hopefully I’ll have a college waiting for me at this time next year that would make all this worth it. I’ve been told that I shouldn’t start work now, but wait as long as possible until working because I’ll work for the rest of my life. Hopefully I’ll learn that this is absolutely true, and I’ll have a blast doing the “work” I love most. My parents are alright with this decision because they believe that if I keep my academics at the level they are at now and keep working at baseball, then I will have done more than enough work during my high school career.
I think this summer I’ll be very successful in my baseball career, so the time I am putting into baseball is hopefully going to have a payout. Whether it be getting a full academic-athletic scholarship for baseball or someday getting drafted into the pros, this “work” is to baseball as going to college is to academia. It isn’t a guarantee into a successful career in the path chosen, but maybe it can lead to a profession in the majors.
I think this decision of mine is a testament to my character. It says out loud that I am dedicated to this cause of being not only an exceptional player, but one of the best. When I set my mind on doing something, nothing can stop me from doing it. I work with every last drop of energy I have in order to achieve this desire I have. In class we discussed tunnel vision in chasing one’s dreams, but I believe it is the opposite. Moving with a set goal in mind helps gives one purpose and direction. Without direction we are but wandering nomads, useless in the advancement of anything, including ourselves. With purpose we are immigrants and pioneers, chasing progression.
I feel like I answered this already…
As said I have said many times before, I have made a choice to be straight edge. I do not drink, do drugs, smoke, or have sex. This was a choice I made based solely on my beliefs. Almost each and everyday I am tested because of that choice. Why? People constantly ask. Many times I have had people tell me, ‘Oh, I’ll change that.’ As if I want that. But, I don’t. I have made a choice and I am very proud of that choice.
A friend of mine once said that I should date better guys. He thought that I am selling myself short and dating under me. We fought about it for many days, me saying that I was happy, and him saying that I should talk to some of his friends instead. One day I turned to him and said, “How many of your friends would want to talk to me when they found out that I won’t party with them and won’t sleep with them?” He looked at the grounded and responded, “I guess you’re right.” Once, I have even had a guy say to me, “More guys would like you if you would put out.” Many days I have been asked, “How can you still be a virgin and date Drew?” It’s really hard to deal with.
In the past I have also had many people ask me to drink. Many, many time people have told me I would be more fun if I did. I think I am a pretty fun person right now if you ask me. My one friend told me it helps her relax and be more at ease around people. If you need alcohol to do that, then many you need to find better people to hang out with that will make you feel that way regardless.
I used all of these examples to explain the daily struggles I have due to the choice I once made. Many times I have thought, Is it really worth it? And then I think about the girls who are pregnant and walking down the halls during their second year of high school; I think of my uncle who almost died, and is now legally blind due to alcoholism; I think of the kid I used to be friend with that now sits at home smoking weed all day, and every time I see him I think, What a dirt bag! And then I realize, yeah, it really is worth everyday, because I am safe, and I am happy.
I disregard with Dave. I find it very easy to recall time when my character was tested. But maybe that is because the choices I make and voice are more serious? Or maybe I am just sensitive and remember them more? I’m not sure.
Hmm... I wonder what possible occasion I could describe that has tested my character. I suppose that my every day actions are what truly test my character like whether I decide to make a huge scene and flip on everyone that looks at me the wrong way, if anyone even does that to me, or if I offer someone money because they forgot theirs to buy lunch. Perhaps I don’t really have to think about how I go about choosing what action I make, because I am (at least in my opinion) a naturally nice person who is always trying to make someone feel good. I hate these blogs because they make me sound like I am conceited or something! But in all honesty I’m not because I have low self esteem, but that is totally irrelevant to the topic. The experience that I have on my mind as of this moment involves a friend of mine, and of course the infamous girl which no story would be complete without. Now I won’t go into details but I will say this, sometimes I am too generous with the things or people, for that matter, that I have at the tips of my fingers or even in the palm of my hand. For some reason I can never be content with what I am given no matter how good they are, especially girl wise.
So this girl was completely obsessed with me and like the dope I am I decided that I thought I liked someone else more and made many bad decisions after that. So since i was talking to this new girl, I told the original girl that she might like my best friend and that they should start talking. By the way this girl is filthy stinking rich and I just handed her over to my best friend, not that money makes a difference to me (just a perk). As soon as they starting talking my so called besty was ditching me for her on a regular basis, EVEN THOUGH I ditched the girl to hang out with this kid almost everyday in the summer. At this point in the story, if anyone knows who I am talking about please don’t go telling them that I said this but hopefully no one really knows the names. =P
So now they go out and even though my friend has abandoned me countless times and I regret my decision of letting this certain girl go I am not mad at my friend or myself in anyway, and deep down I am happy that I could do something for my friend that makes him so extremely happy. My generosity and incapability of staying mad at people are the things that I think this situation has shown about my character. I am willing to do way more for my friends than what they would do for me in return and it doesn’t bother me either, s I suppose it also shows my understanding attributes. However, I did learn one thing. Don’t just give the things you have away because you don’t know what you got till it’s gone!
Choices are grouped together as certain paths we takes, but a choice, solely can always be labeled as its on category, own group, own particular meaning and it’s own way of being decided. Now, I could easily name 500 choices I’ve made in the last 10 hours: what minute I would finally accept that I have to get up and get out of bed. Should I be lazy and throw my hair in a pony tail or plug in the straightener and leave it down. Should I eat my Special K bar before school or during 1st period? Should I take the back way to Target or go on 322. Listing the choices made is simple. Explaining the process in which I went to reach that decision-not so simple. And realizing what I’ve learned and how that decision reflects from my character…pretty complicated.
One decision sticks out in my mind, mostly because it stands out as more than just a decision. It was a long-awaited accomplishment that, once reached, an empty space inside of me was filled. Not only did it test my character but it completed it. to lay down a quick foundation as to where this decision came from, I will briefly explain the relationship with my dad, or that weird, stranger of a man who lives in Michigan and is almost forced to keep some contact with me. Let’s just say I’m not too fond of the guy and for the longest time I tried my absolute hardest to be “sweet ol’ little Leslie” on the phone with him when he actually decided to chat for a few minutes every couple of months. Well, one phone conversation made all the difference in my life. He, the idiotic, self-centered, heartless creep that he is, made the great decision to talk bad about my mom. First, I took pitied humor on his sad attempt to make himself feel better and found his remarks to be ironic and funny that a grown man with 4 kids and 2 ex-wives was telling a daughter who he doesn’t even know her age that her mother, her one parent that actually raised, loved, and cared for her, was not being a “good” parent…Man, it gets me every time =]. Still finding this funny, I let him continue on, ripping himself farther and farther off of the dangling thread that held us together. The more his ridiculous Spanish accent was heard, the more that thread frayed. But once the humor subsided, his words began to hit me like 20 men were throwing dodge balls directly at my face. His words were personal attacks towards me and they hurt- a lot. And for anyone that knows me, I don’t get truly and emotionally ‘hurt’ by words, but for anyone who REALLY knows me, knows that anything remotely cruel will make me cry in a second.
Testing my character, my character that tends to cry at anything that can upset me, I pulled the phone away from my ear and thought about hanging up. Decision time: do I hang up and never talk to him again. Or do I realize this is my moment to become the mature Leslie, the Leslie who will still get hurt by words but will not let them beat me down and shrink me into nothing. It was my time to FINALLY after 16 years, tell this ugly man-who’s even uglier on the inside- what I really thought and think about him, about his parenting, about the last remains of sympathy I kept for him, about the shame he should carry on his shoulders, about how a real father, or even adult should act. This decision was a big one and I made it with every good intention and with every green light on in my mind. No regrets. I let “sweet ol’ little Leslie” hang up the phone for the last time and I let the real Leslie have a few lasting words of wisdom with her ‘father.’ And man, if I may say so myself, there was a lot of wisdom flying through my lips.
What a learning experience this was! Quite bluntly, I learned how big of an asshole he is, but on a more Bunje level, I learned about myself. I learned I possessed a level of verbal strength I never knew existed. I learned to not let those dodge balls keep flying. I learned to pick them up and throw them right back. But, I also learned when to be the bigger, mature person, and walk away. I could have gone back and forth for hours fighting, arguing, name-calling, screaming, pointing fingers, but, that’s not me. I am not a child. At one amazing point in my life, I was and I enjoyed being one, but unlike Edgardo, I have proudly passed that stage in my life and have moved on and grown into a young lady who has a better understanding of how a parent should be a parent and how I will act towards my children. I will become an adult and use this experience to continue shaping me into the woman I hope to be. Unfortunately for my dearest Daddy, he will never get to say that. He will die a child in an old man body.
Ok let me start by saying today was not the best day of my life, but I can not even get started on what has happened today or I will not be able to write my blog. Of course I have had tests in my life that have made me who I am or put on me on another path then the one that I originally started out on. One test that is very simple is peer pressure to try things illegal because once you do those things, you fall sort of into a lifestyle that is different from your own. Almost like once you do it once you sort change the way in which you started out traveling in life. But it does not only have to be something illegal like just trying something new and being good at it can change your path in life. Like before I started golfing, my life was set on just using grades to get to college and then when I started playing golf and hearing feedback from the people around me about how good I could be and started to see the improvement myself, then my life became geared towards using golf as another tool to get to college or whatever else I want to go in life. The lessons I have learned from using golf as a tool is that you can also improve and you are not always the best, but you can be if you work harder than everyone else. Also it has taught me to control my emotions more because when you do not control your emotions in this sport, you will loss your round and once you reach the top there is no room for mistakes. The game has made me become better mentally and physically because you can not have one without the other in this game. The thing I want to learn the most is not something that I will learn the answer to soon at all. I want to know how far it will take me and how much I will get to see in life because of this wonderful green path that it has taken me down. I hope that it will help me see the world, places I have only dreamed of going. Also, I think that when I finally hang up the clubs, the game will tell me who I am and what my legacy will be. If I do not pursue this path until its end, I feel that it will not give me a full read of which I am and what I am made of. The negative side of all this which has become a common tread with some people I know is that once they start doing something like smoking weed, that It consumes their life and all their ambition and goals go straight down the drain because they like it become their life.
O and i like the comments about house.... the finale was sad:(
Choices, choices, choices, it's always all about the choices. There was a time, like Europe, where I went through the Dark Ages. Like Europe's dark period, there was artful romance, and things that were bright, but there was a cloud that wouldn't leave my days alone. At the time, I had some friends who just weren't exactly Lavern and Sheryl. In fact, they were my dark cloud. Day after day it was a struggle to find the light; only through school (especially your class), and some of my other close friends. It wasn't like I started hanging around a "bad" group of kids exactly, we all met and were good kids, and it was just that unfortunate thing after unfortunate thing kept happening. Eventually, I came to the "yellow wood" on my path, which forked, and I sat one day and I "looked" down both; I finally thought what was best for me, and that I have to stop trying to save everybody. I dropped the no-man-left-behind attitude and simply moved on. This choice wasn’t easy, watching your friends sink like a lead balloons into the black holes of life, but to survive you can only weigh eighty-four pounds, and travel at the speed of light (according to Einstein’s law Quantum Physics and Space Travel”, so ditching the weight allowed me to continue my path. Looking back on my choice, I learned it was the right one. In fact it was the only right one. There is no way I could be where I am today, in that life. I also learned that Darwin was right, it is the survival of the fittest, and sometimes you need to fend for yourself no matter what emotional attachment you have. This is exactly what I wanted to learn and needed to learn. This choice could save me in a similar situation down the path.
I just got home so my blog is/is going to be late. Sorry about that, Bunj.
So, this year I have written a lot about my friend Andrew, if I can even call him that. I’m sorry to say, that I am writing about him again.
Last night, he and I got in a fight. He has never talked respectfully to me, and I had finally had it. I snapped on him. But the worst part was, was that he didn’t even apologize. But I guess neither did I, even though I didn’t have anything to apologize for. We went back and forth a few times, and in the end, he told me I could go find another friend (like I don’t have any others but him).
We have had plans to go to the Craig Morgan concert for a while now, and now it is on Friday. After last night, I wasn’t sure if I was still invited to go. So after a lot of debating in my head, I decided to be the bigger person and break the silence. I met him at work when I knew he was getting off tonight, and followed him to his house. I guess it was very haughty of me to expect an apology, because I certainly didn’t get one. I didn’t apologize that’s for sure. But he acted like he did nothing wrong. Then when I pointed out one thing he said that upset me, he told me I look into it too much and I should have known he was kidding. I was trying to have a civilized conversation with him, so I didn’t flip on him like I should have. I just brushed it off and listened to all his “problems”. So I’m still invited to the concert.
Here’s where my choice and decision comes in. I am scheduled to work on Friday. Lately, money had been pretty tight. But I have someone who can cover for me, and I covered for someone last weekend. I really want to go to the concert, so do I call out from work, and lose twenty dollars? (Yes that would be my paycheck if I worked) But do I want to go with a guy that’s going to treat me like crap? Not really. But I don’t have the heart to tell him I can’t go, especially since it’s only two before the fact. But my decision is more than just a concert. It’s whether or not I really want to remain friends with him.
He and I didn’t become friends until this year. And I’m not going to lie, he had a big part in my breaking up with my boyfriend. But now, I can’t believe I did that. I left one of the sweetest guys I know, for an arrogant, stuck-up, jerk. But even if he is a jerk, the decision to break up with my boyfriend has taught me a lot. Without the break from him, and my relationship with The Jerk, I wouldn’t have learned how easily persuaded I am. And that’s what my choice also says about me. I am gullible. I always have been. I put my trust in the wrong people sometimes, and I pay the price later. I’ve also learned that not all guys that sweet talk you at first are the sweetest later.
So do I go to the concert and miss work? Or do I tell him I can’t go and possibly ruin my friendship? Is my friendship worth holding on to if he treats me horribly? AHHHH!!! CHOICES!!!!
I completely agree with Pete. That we don;t know what we have until its gone, because that is exactly what I learned this year. I let one of my best friends go and now I want him back.
And to continue Pete's blog with some song lyrics...
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
They took all the trees and put 'em in a tree museum
And they charged the people a dollar and a half to see them
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise, and put up a parking lot
Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT
I don't care about spots on my apples
Leave me the birds and the bees
Please
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Thanks Nick. I was having a pretty crappy evening and that made me feel a bit better.
Choices and decisions, espescially as teenagers, play a huge role in our everyday lives. From something as simple as doing your homework or not doing your homework, to something so serious as choosing which college you want to attend, I am pretty sure it is safe to say that we have all been and continue to be faced with choices that will make or break our characters and the opportunities that we are offerred. Sure, I have been asked to make various decisions throughout my life so far. However, the one upcoming decision I will have to make is the one that I will dread most in my life--college. For everyone that knows me, they know that I am extremely attatched to my family. I'm not the type of person that enjoys being away from home, even if it's only for one night. My family is my life, and I would not want it any other way. With this in mind, I decided sophmore year that I had to experience independence and get out in the world to test my true strengths and abilities. I knew that I needed to take all that my family has taught me and given me and venture out on my own. Even though this seemed nearly impossible, I told myself that I was going to Florida for college. Currently, I am still holding myself to this test and plan on attending a college in Florida next fall. The decision will be the hardest of my life, considering how big of a role my family plays in my life. I realized this year how helpless I am, which is not a good quality to have obviously. I can't cook, don't know how to clean, and couldn't even begin to guess how to start a washer or dryer. I know that the nest couple of months will be deciding factors in a major step in my life. Not only must I decide which college I am going to attend, but also if I am ready to undergo that most difficult challenge I have ever been forced to face: leaving my family and beginning a life of my own, a plane ticket away. I believe that if I set my mind to it, than going to Florida for college will be beneficial to my life. I want to prove to myself and my family that I can be my own person and make my own choices, without having people to back me up every step that I take. By making this choice, I hope to find greater strength and assurance in myself. I think that although leaving my comfort zone will be emotionally draining for me, it will pay off in the long run. I can't imagine how proud of myself I would be if I went to live thousands of miles away from home all by myself and actually succeeded. I'm excited to see the outcome of this decision, along with what other types of choices I will have to make in the future. Most of the time, I am confident in the choices that I make. Even if I am a little unsure, I know that it will only make me more wise in the future and assist me in walking down the path of success and excellence.
I was reading through a few people’s blogs. Nick’s was about caberet night, not really interested. Pete’s was about a girl… cool, still not interested. Cait’s was about Cait but she made me interested in Jon’s. Which was just too deep into his life that I didn’t want to think about it much. Stagnant he says his life remains, I feel like a rollercoaster right now, but like skull mountain. Then I reached Mr. Parelejo’s. The scene is Christmas 1998 or whatever and he got Pokemon Red. And I cannot agree any more’ well, I can.
“The point is that you must go with your heart and what you think is the right decision. Despite anybody elses input. Beware of your choice though. With all decisions comes consequences. With you decision for anything, you may change the world. The minutest thing will change the world,” says Zander, the Brilliant. I concur. Your heart is a good decision maker, the gut (which is very close) is better. But I really do like the brain, just saying. After watching the movie, 21, emotionless decisions appeal to me all the more. But going with what you feel is best, not because you just like but because of reasons, is usually a good path to follow. But do not spite other’s input. “Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.” Proverbs something… chapter one, verse 5 apparently, I just found it. But anyway, listen to wise counsel because they know what they’re talking about. Pokemon: Brock, the rock gym leader, is first. So it is wise to choose Squirtle to beat Brock first, but Charmander might come in handier throughout the whole game. Although you may like Squirtle the best, maybe it is better to choose Charmander. Literally, I would still pick Squirtle, but metaphorically speaking, as a universal truth, go with Charmander.
Every decision I make is usually thought out. Even little, bitty ones. But no matter what, I draw upon what someone has told me to make a decision. I rarely just solely go on my gut. From experience, the choices I usually just make out of the blue are selfish and cause more trouble than I want. Like every time I want to buy some new electronic. My parents say wait and work out something to help out with it, but I usually just take my dad’s credit card and go for it. Then, I find something better, cheaper, and I don’t know, just a plain better way to go. Although I am supposedly a virtuoso, but not in music, as Rachel said in class, I cannot claim anything as my own doing, but pretty much a combination of every single person in my life from the lady in my grandmother’s neighborhood with that nasty dog that I talked to once all the way to the person that I just met last week at youth group. The experiences and knowledge and information that people give me, whether directly or indirectly, all gather up inside of my noggin and filter down to make a decision. So, it usually takes a while anyway.
I am, in fact, poised on the precarious precipice of a decision now, just as Ms. Bunje put it. And like Joanna and Erin, this choice I have to make has to do with a boy. Now, I don’t usually talk about this kind of stuff, but given that this current predicament in my life ties in nicely with the blog, I can’t pass the opportunity up. So, consider yourself lucky.
This particular boy, Ian, and I went out for about a year and eight months before I decided I needed a break. Breaking up wasn’t fun, and I don’t think it ever is. I was miserable for a couple weeks after. The thing was, I needed a change—a break from what had become routine. I needed to be myself all by myself because for so long I had been a part of something—simply half of a person. I felt like he was unintentionally masking my identity because he is more outspoken than I am and has a more unique personality. I wanted to be more independent, so we split up. This was the first part of my choice. It didn’t necessarily make me happy (Ms. Bunje, this goes back to what we were talking about in class on Monday. My choices don’t always make me happy. I make my choices to improve myself), but I knew it was best for me. Sometimes people just need space.
It has been a little over two months since the breakup and I feel wiser. It might sound stupid, but I’ve already learned so much from that choice I made. I’ve begun to realize that nobody is perfect. Of course I knew this before, but experience has reinforced this truth. I also found out that despite the softness of it, I do have a voice that allows me to be who I want to be. I think this choice shows that I have the courage to do things out of my comfort zone to find the answers I’m looking for.
Now I’m faced with the choice of whether or not to get back together. I miss him a lot, but I’m not sure that I’m ready for this again because I know it will be so easy to slip back into the same old routine. I know that he is different from all the other guys I’ve ever talked to and he’s really wise beyond his years. I just don’t know. I’ll probably just wait until school is over to tell him how I feel. I think this demonstrates the patience that I’m trying to learn. Things will happen soon enough, so I shouldn’t rush them. Hopefully, I’ll learn to completely accept someone for who they are and focus on the important things about them, rather than the petty details. Wish me luck!
Every single awaking moment of our lives we are bombarded with an unrelenting barrage of decisions of varying caliber, yet we are still here more or less intact, with only the occasional battle scar to prove our exploits true. Sometimes these battle scars can be more detrimental to us than the skirmish it’s self, but that is a topic for another day. Among the daily barrage of small caliber decisions, we find ourselves rocked by the presence of a large caliber decision, the type that would make the faint-of-heart duck and cover. These decisions are the type that truly tests the measure of a man; this is the type of decision that has been lingering over me for a few days now.
Although the specifics of this decision are classified, I can say that it will significantly shape my near future for better or for worse. Really what my decision comes down to is, do I want to work a bit for my bettering, or do I want to take the easy way out and keep on doing what I have been doing for ages now. In reality, it’s not much of a decision at all, I know which path I’m going to take; I just don’t know how to navigate it. The path I’m going to take is the path that may require a lot of work, but in the end it should all be for the better. This choice says that I’m willing to work for my betterment, even if I don’t know if it will truly make me any better; it shows that I’m a bit of a risk taker.
From this endeavor, I plan on learning more about myself, more about what truly goes on in this mind of mine, more about what it is that really makes me happy. Besides these things, I plan on learning quite a bit about normalcy. Normalcy is something that has evaded me for all of my life, just when I think I’m about to find it, it slips out of my grasp and I fade back into my non-normal existence with just a taste of what it may feel like to be normal. Don’t get me wrong, I love who I really am, I don’t want to be just another face in the crowd, I don’t want to be what is perceived as normal. I just want to be involved in normal relationships and things of that nature. What I want to learn from taking this path that will surly be rough and rocky is what it feels like to be….
I really have to agree with Caitlin (weird, I know), I don’t like pouring my heart and soul into every blog, which is why everything I say is laced with ambiguity, double meanings, and metaphor. I figure if you can’t figure out what I’m really saying you don’t know me well enough to know anyways. I think that is an approach I take with mostly everything I say or write.
I’ve made a lot of good choices in my life that I couldn’t be happier with. I believe with all my heart that it will all turn out okay, and that the direction I’m heading right now, right or wrong, will deliver me to a place where I am content and satisfied with all I’ve accomplished. Of course, I’m not always this positive. Sometimes I feel lost and confused. Like I’m underwater in the ocean after a wave knocked me off my feet, no idea to what direction is up.
Unfortunately, one of these moments is what comes to mind when I think about decisions I’ve made and what I’ve learned from them.
At one distinctive moment in my life I was given the choice to lie, or tell the truth. And, the decision I made in that moment is something I have regretted every moment since. Now, this isn’t one of those lies you tell your parents and later confess your dishonesty to your friends or sister. This is a secret, incredible disappointment in myself, which I have not told one single person since. I do not know what instinct told me that lying was my best option at that moment; however, that instinct is one I hope to never go with again. I lied, but I am not a liar at heart. This fact is irrelevant though, the crime has been committed. I can’t take it back or run from it, no matter how much I’d like to.
I suppose I am one of those people who need to get burned by the stove before they listen to the warning that it’s hot and dangerous. I knew growing up that lying was wrong. That still didn’t stop me from do it when it mattered most. I have now learned though, that when you lie it’s like throwing yourself into a hole with no ladder to escape with. The only option is going further down, burying yourself deeper and deeper with every follow-up lie nessesary to cover your ass.
I thought that eventually I would just forget about it and stop beating myself up over it. Unfortunately, I’m still here years later regretting my decision with every ounce of my being. You’ve probably all reading this and realizing the obvious solution to my problem, just as I have. The only way I’m getting passed this is if I confess and own up to the mess of bullshit I’ve created. I’m not strong enough, or I guess bravery is what I need, of a person though. I’m too scared of the damage it will do to my credibility in my relationships.
All in all though, this taught me a valuable lesson in lying. 1. The guilt never goes away. 2. The lie is something you have to live everyday. And 3, telling the truth, no matter how difficult to do at the time, is worth the trouble. It’s a million times less the trouble you’ll have to face down the road when you’re forced to fess up. This is a lesson that was, and is still, the most painful I’ve learned thus far. Hopefully, this pain will act as a reminder of this lesson so I never makes this horrible mistake again.
We’re all faced with decisions every day, whether it be something as small as choosing orange juice over apple juice to eat with our waffles in the morning to something as big as whether to buy a house or stay in an apartment. Like Jon, I don’t consider myself particularly inclined in the decision-making department. However, I can think of a recent incident where I made the right decision. This isn’t some huge, life-changing decision like college or something, but something much more insignificant. So today is my birthday, and as many of you know my mom forgot to get my birth certificate out of the safe-deposit box in the bank before today. I passed my road test this morning, but couldn’t get my license until after school because my dad had the keys to the deposit box and he had a trial all day. After he got out of court, my dad went to the bank and got my birth certificate so I could have the “6 points of identification” for the DMV. My mom left me at the DMV with my dad because she had to go pick up my sister, and I thought everything was going to be fine after that. Boy was I wrong. When we got into the DMV, I realized my mom forgot something else-my permit. It was sitting in the glove compartment of my car, which was in my driveway. My dad and I turned around and walked out of the DMV, and I immediately got scared. Now, my dad has a pretty short fuse so I only had to wait until we got into the parking lot before the eruption. He started yelling at me, saying I was irresponsible and I couldn’t go through life expecting him and my mom to do everything for me. This went on for a good ten minutes, about two-thirds of the time it took to get back to my house from the Shore Mall. I just sat there, taking it because that’s what I have learned to do. I have learned from the many experiences I have had when I have been put into this very same situation (obviously with different reasons every time) that I should just keep my mouth shut. When I was younger and naive and stupid, I would try to argue with my dad. I have definitely learned self-control and that I’m never going to win anyway so I don’t need to waste the energy. Though I have retorts for every point he makes, I keep them to myself and only yell back in my head because I have learned that the consequences of me trying to argue with my dad (who is a lawyer, I might add) are worse than me just sitting back and letting him yell. Because in the end, he ends up feeling bad for yelling at me and everything works out fine. I know making the right decision in a situation like this is much easier when people mature, but I was even in the mood to yell and fight back and I restrained myself. And for that I am proud.
I would just like to say thank you for all the birthday wishes and singing at lunch and in study hall. I appreciated it from everyone :)
For the past two years, I have been working at Acme. For the past thirteen years, I have been going to school. What annoys me the most is after a long day of school, when I'm tired and ready for a long nap in my cozy queen sized bed, under my warm and fuzzy covers, I am alarmed and frustrated when I realize that soon after school, my day will be ruined and my sleep will be obstructed by going to work. Work. Eew! It just sounds boring, dull, and a waste of time. At times I wish that I could just quit, but on Friday’s my mind is changed. Even though, lately, my checks have only been about $22.67. This sucks because I am just coming out of a deep debt hole from prom and everything. Lately, it seems like everything is sucking my money away from me. It's annoying because half the time I want to quit; I get money from my dad every week. It doesn't suck to get about $80 a week for just being his daughter, but it's so much better when I can add my pay check to that amount. So, anyway, I have been recently faced with the choice to quit my job. It was around the time of AP prep time; when we had a test just about everyday. I'd get frustrated knowing that I had a test the next day, but work that night. I had trouble balancing the two for a while. I made the choice to keep my job, but now I work a lot less hours a week.
It's not a problem though, since before I was practically struggling when it came to school work for a while, and I'd arrive late to school because I had trouble waking up because of my 4-11 o clock shifts. I'm glad those are over. Anyway, I think this choice says a lot about me. It reminds me that I am driven, dedicated, and determined. (I love using those three words) So, anyway, since I could have just taken the easy way out, I didn't. Why? I knew I was bigger than that. I knew I could do it. I am proud of myself because I kept my job.
I have learned that I am capable of way more than what I think I am. I can do a lot. What amazes me is how I have managed to keep a steady job and maintain my grades. Actually, this marking period, a lot of them are better than they ever were this year. I am happy about that because usually, people fail in one of the "departments." And I haven’t. That’s all I wanted to learn; I’m glad I learned it too. I am capable! Lol.
So character. If you take the time to understand it, you will see that each person's character is tested everyday in one way or another, by little choices, or immense ones. But I'm not sure that I want to pick out one single aspect of my life that made me realize my character or the ramifications of a choice. I think that, as we talked about in class today, all things someone does are an effort toward eventual happiness. So, with that said, I think it is all the little things added up, things being choices, that helped me learn the most.
Strangely though, all of these choices have taught me about making choices. I've learned, through experience, that the best way to do something is not to fret upon it, but to quickly figure out the way you want, and just do it. This, being seemingly simple, is probably one of the best techniques I have learned going through the short term of life I've experienced thus far. Simply doing stuff prevents stress and anxiety.
But if I must pick a time when I were tested, it would be WEED. Yes, just like everyone else I've been offered weed, but unlike alot of people, I turned it down, and I continue to turn down even Blacks (Black and Milds). This path I took shows I'm not dirty and I won't conform to something completely retarted just because everyone else is doing it. I learned that you can be cool even if you don't give in to pressures and temptations. Again, it is simple but I'm happy with my choice and the path i took.
First off, I would like to tell Pete that his blog secret is safe with me. ;) Next, I would like to say that this blog is eerily similar to the trials and tribulations blog that we had to do a few weeks back. I know that you may say that they're completely different Ms. Bunje, but I think that the way I answered it, I covered what was outlined for this blog. For those of you that forgot, I wrote about my soccer team and how my loyalty was tested. Through that, I learned, "just because you have high character, bad things can still happen to you. People will be people and will take advantage of those that seem like they would be too nice to make a scene. Human nature will always take precedence."
However, for this blog I will pull out a new experience from my bag of experiences. And, of course, like ma boy Pete, it involves a girl. I'll try to do this while being as vague as possible, even though everyone will most definitely figure out who I'm talking about.
So, it all started a while ago when I noticed this girl in my physics class. I thought she was pretty cute and she seemed like she had a nice personality so I started to get to know her. As weeks and months went by, we got to know each other even better and things seemed like they were going well. We would write cute little notes to each other during class and talk to each other whenever possible before finally exchanging phone numbers at Mr. Oakcrest. That, along with the constant motivation from Joanna, helped me get up the nerve to ask her to prom. Of course, yes was her answer.
After that, we hung out at the park and went to the band concert together. Pretty soon, I was the background in her phone for about a week. Things were definitely looking up for me.
Soon, prom came around, which is when things definitely took a turn for the worse. Don't get me wrong. Prom was great and prom night/morning was even better. But that was kinda like the turning point of our relationship. When we both saw each other in school on Tuesday, my date was acting quite depressed and tired. I asked her what the problem was but she would just say "Nothing" or "I just don't want to be here anymore." And, in physics, she would just put her head down the whole time. This depression went on for the rest of the week. It was one of those "wtf" type of things.
So, finally, I found out from a couple trusted sources that she got a boyfriend the Thursday of her depressed week. I felt like absolute crap. How could someone that I liked so much and who I thought liked me too just ditch me like that -- and not even tell me? WTF?
I calmly confronted this girl over the weekend and asked her what the deal was and that I knew what had happened. She said that she wanted to tell me but she just couldn't get up the nerve and that she liked me but that she didn't feel the "energy" between us. I was crushed. I'm still crushed. We basically went from "talking" and going to prom together to barely hanging on to a friendship. I don't get it.
Maybe it's because she'll be going to college soon and doesn't want a high school-college relationship (her boyfriend graduated from Atlantic City High School a year or two ago and goes to some D-2 college. So, it'll be an inter-college relationship if it lasts). Or maybe there is someplace where I messed up that I just don't see. Either way, I feel a little less happy than I usually am, even though there are only 14 days of school left and Joanna and Alli made me a "keep ya chin up" card. I know that "there are plenty of fish in the sea" but this fish was special to me. She was like the rainbow fish surrounded by a bunch of grey catfish. I mean, I hope that we can hang out in the summer before she leaves for college because I don't want our last memories of each other to be about this mess. :(
Basically, my whole heart (along with my mind, body, and soul) is seriously being tested. Thus far, I have learned to take nothing for granted and to savor each and every moment that you have with the most important people in your lives. You never know when they may just up and leave, abandoning your heart somewhere splattered by their footsteps.
Ms. Bunje, if there's anything that you can tell me to help me out, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! :D
Oh, and in case I didn't make it clear before, I am happy with the choices I made even though they didn't really turn out for the best. I know that things will go right for me in some way or another because things just have a way of working out.
P. S. - Dave, I'm happy you didn't take relationship advice from Andrew. haha
I'm posting at this absurd hour due to a sudden hailstorm of computer difficulties that just all attacked me simultaneously. Bah. I did actually get home late from 4H (haha about that, and I apologize to anyone who was gaping at my, like, frenzied panderings in my earlier post. BUT ANYWAY. It's blogtime now.
Changes, choices, and the chills. They're all relative, they're all topics of discussion we love to unearth, rebury, and unearth again. I think one of the coolest things about life - okay, that's an egregious sweeping generalization, but, go with me for a little bit - is second chances. I know, I know, there is something to be said for getting it right the first time. I was always a big believer in that, and to some degree, I still see the magic in it. But as I've gotten older and made mistakes, I've also seen the indescribable generosity of the second chance. Life can give you lemons, and if you misjudge their fruit and eat them the first time, you can learn that next time, you'd be better off making lemonade. Life is an open book. We live, we learn, we make mistakes, but we fix them. We grow from the mistakes we made into stronger, more decisive, more resilient and self-reliant individuals. Every choice, whether there be a good or bad outcome, teaches us something, and if the supreme goal of life is knowledge and enlightenment, or knowledge given to us so we may illuminate the way to our own enlightenment, then isn't every choice, good or bad, ultimately good? Because we learn something. We take something out of it.
I don't completely believe that. It's tough to believe anything unequivocally, without any exceptions. But it is something I like to ponder. The band +44 sings "The past is only the future with the lights on." Such a short quip, but so loaded with meaning. They sing it to such a symphonic, catchy harmony, you almost miss the words for the music, but they're probably the most loaded in the song, perhaps the most loaded in any of their songs. (No, +44 has some quality lyrics. Love you, Mark.)
I think the test, to get back to what this blog is actually asking (I have the question open in the background and have been continually referring back to it), is what we do with the knowledge we are bequeathed by our choices. Our choices clearly tell us something. Do we take that gleaned knowledge and use it for our betterment, or do we ignore it, and continue to wallow in our destructive ways? I think the epic, ultimate test is this - how (and, in equal measure, if) you take that amassed knowledge to forge yourself a future. Learning from mistakes is one of the hardest and most glorious things a person can ever learn to do. It's an acquired skill, perhaps, but it's one I'm glad I've acquired, and hope I will continually advance in as I get older. Because that knowledge, just that simple bit - that we can learn from our mistakes and make ourselves a better future - has taken me so far. And I can honestly say, that is important.
Earlier this year, I had to make a choice. It was not a choice of what is wrong or right, but a choice that would affect my learned experience. I needed to first understand the basics of what I was presented with. These basics were extremely difficult to fully grasp, and when I thought I had learned I had experienced that I had only a brevity of knowledge that is not enough to make a wise decision. I found myself thinking about everything, about things that would normally go unnoticed. I had a goal, a focus, a main vision, and parochially set out to accomplish it. That was the choice. Do I put on the blinders and go for the gold, like a star, or do I gambol freely among the leaves and enjoy the passings by?
Siddhartha, while practicing to be with the Samanas, stood for hours, until he felt no pain, until he tolerated everything that confronted him. He wanted to delete his Self from him, in hopes of attaining the teachings of the Gotama. However, he did not, so far at least, he felt it was “inevitable” to return to yourself. If I had read this book, even though I am only 25 pages in, I feel that my decision this year would not have been altered, but solidified not in my mind, but in the others who question and marvel at it.
Like I said earlier in class, I feel that if you are seeking what you sought, then you will inevitably miss out on any outside events, as minor as they may be, that would possibly influence your personal self. Once those events are recognized, they play a major part in the theory of destiny, which I whole heartedly believe in. They do not determine destiny, but that attribute to the encounter of it. To me, things happen for a reason, we cannot control that. The things we can control, is our self, and what we chose to accept, question, refute, and debate. Siddhartha questions everything, and feels that the teachings from the Brahmins and the Samanas are worthwhile, but have reached their full potential by means of influence. Therefore, it is time for him to go out, and experience.
The blinders must be taken off, for then we can truly understand and learn about ourselves. We can do this by allowing certain things to affect us in certain ways, which will directly affect our destiny. Not affect it in a sense of what is going to happen, but the way in which we react. By understanding and learning, we can control our Self, and realize the true Self.
I think that Joanna, while understanding what is right and wrong, needs not to worry about the repercussions. They are out of our hands and something we cannot control. Once we allow our Self to get caught up in those consequences, while understanding the main focus, loose our Self. Therefore, we must learn and understand what to realize in the now, and let future unfold, for whatever happens is destiny.
Earlier this year, I had to make a choice. It was not a choice of what is wrong or right, but a choice that would affect my learned experience. I needed to first understand the basics of what I was presented with. These basics were extremely difficult to fully grasp, and when I thought I had learned I had experienced that I had only a brevity of knowledge that is not enough to make a wise decision. I found myself thinking about everything, about things that would normally go unnoticed. I had a goal, a focus, a main vision, and parochially set out to accomplish it. That was the choice. Do I put on the blinders and go for the gold, like a star, or do I gambol freely among the leaves and enjoy the passings by?
Siddhartha, while practicing to be with the Samanas, stood for hours, until he felt no pain, until he tolerated everything that confronted him. He wanted to delete his Self from him, in hopes of attaining the teachings of the Gotama. However, he did not, so far at least, he felt it was “inevitable” to return to yourself. If I had read this book, even though I am only 25 pages in, I feel that my decision this year would not have been altered, but solidified not in my mind, but in the others who question and marvel at it.
Like I said earlier in class, I feel that if you are seeking what you sought, then you will inevitably miss out on any outside events, as minor as they may be, that would possibly influence your personal self. Once those events are recognized, they play a major part in the theory of destiny, which I whole heartedly believe in. They do not determine destiny, but that attribute to the encounter of it. To me, things happen for a reason, we cannot control that. The things we can control, is our self, and what we chose to accept, question, refute, and debate. Siddhartha questions everything, and feels that the teachings from the Brahmins and the Samanas are worthwhile, but have reached their full potential by means of influence. Therefore, it is time for him to go out, and experience.
The blinders must be taken off, for then we can truly understand and learn about ourselves. We can do this by allowing certain things to affect us in certain ways, which will directly affect our destiny. Not affect it in a sense of what is going to happen, but the way in which we react. By understanding and learning, we can control our Self, and realize the true Self.
I think that Joanna, while understanding what is right and wrong, needs not to worry about the repercussions. They are out of our hands and something we cannot control. Once we allow our Self to get caught up in those consequences, while understanding the main focus, loose our Self. Therefore, we must learn and understand what to realize in the now, and let future unfold, for whatever happens is destiny.
bunje...i know i know i'm a big loser but really if you only knew whats goin on but to skip all that and get to the blog.
Choices..i remember when they used to be the easiest things. cookies or brownies. Dr. suess of disney. but now things have become much more complicated since the good ol days and now i feel as though i'm placed in a situation where a choice is made and it is hard to tell whether my decision will lead me to happiness or back to anguish. sometimes when making my choices i may tend to look past past problems and think of the best outcome while completely forgetting the worst.
thats one of my biggeest problems whenever i make a choice even if i know there will be consequences i always chalk it up to being a learning experience. i don't know if that is a good or bad thing. choices neeed to be made an order for life to progress. you choose whether or not to keep certain people and things in your life. whether or not to go certain places.
with my current choice to be made i need to sit back and realize what i'm risking by letting myself fall under again. most likely i see myself telling me to make the choice that my heart not my head is telling me to follow. i live by the seat of my pants. some choice make bring you down but they can never break you to a point that you can not recover from.(not unless you end up dying or something) as my life is going i feel as though i make alot of right choices. i hardly falter at peer pressure and with every choice i make i learn to embrace the situation. only you can live your life and only you have to live with the choices you make. i have to remember that sometimes since sometimes i find myself changing to do something becasue thats what people are expectin me to do.
I attempted to write this blog yesterday, but since I got home at 7 and had to eat dinner, unpack etc, my computer was freezing up due to its issues with itunes and I realized I needed to go to Shoprite at like 10, I ran out of time to write it. I did start writing things but they ended up being rants about my computer’s emotional problems and the reasons why I hadn’t thought of a good example of a choice I made. So, today, I’ll try to give this blog a second chance. (by the way, Em Brill, I loved your little second chance analogy: “Life can give you lemons, and if you misjudge their fruit and eat them the first time, you can learn that next time, you'd be better off making lemonade.”) Hopefully the muddiness of my mind will settle out and I’ll be able to think, because so far I don’t think I’ve had a truly coherent thought about what to write.
5 hours later and I finally have a chance to finish writing. My example isn’t a life-changing one, like most people mentioned, but I suppose it was a test of character. There are a few kids in my gym class that are weird. They are, and any normal person couldn’t deny that. I’m sure Rosy would attest to that, and she’s not one to be mean. But this one in particular has this stalker streak, and I know he goes and talks to people he hardly knows as if they are great friends. I had been happy to be anonymous to him in the past, but unfortunately this safe anonymity ended. One day, while I busily typed up a history essay due later that day, he came over and introduced himself, shook my hand, and began a string of questions like, “So tell me more about yourself” and “I think my twin brother is in your lunch.” I tried to politely answer some questions but then told him I had work to do. So now sometimes in gym or other times he sees me he comes and talks to me. We really have nothing in common, other then being in Ms. Howell’s gym class this marking period. His one friend kind of scares me- he seems a little more normal as far as socializing, but he seems like the kind of kid that might have some elaborate plan to murder someone with a sword he keeps in his room. Well, maybe not that bad, but his behavior still concerns me. Anyway, despite the strange personal questions, annoying attachment, strange group of friends, lack of anything in common or good conversation and the fact that he doesn’t notice social cues like that fact that I’d rather go talk to the friends I have in that class, I’ve always been nice. I try to go along with his questions and conversation and politely participate in some activity when he asks me to (by ask I mean nag) when I don’t have an excuse not to. I guess it sounds kind of mean, but I’m sure I’ve put up with a lot more than most people would. He really drives me a bit crazy. I can’t help but feel a little embarrassed sometimes, as if people might think I was really a friend of his, that I was “one of them.” But I forced myself to ignore that and never let myself be mean towards him. At the same time, I won’t let myself be too passive and will not let myself get sucked into something I don’t want to do. I have a tendency to worry too much about what other people think, and I think with this event I can say that I know how to ignore it and get past that. I mean, if I can talk to this kid and humor him, there really is no reason why I should ever feel like I don’t want to talk to or be friends with anyone else. It serves as proof to myself that I can do it, and also a reminder that I can do it. I also have a tendency to be too passive, and let things happen without my input and just go with the flow. I end up being miserable and feeling helpless because I don’t know what to do and/or I’m afraid to do something. With this situation, I think I found a decent balance between making this kid happy and staying content myself (and sane). When things would get out of hand, or I really had other things I had to or wanted to do, I’d shut it down and allow myself whatever it was I needed. I’m actually surprised that it ended up working out well, because I think I figured I’d end up feeling guilty or miserable or just regretful. For some reason, I feel like this is similar to Hannah’s situation because we both have to go against what our gut reaction is and try to keep our true feelings subdued for what we know is best. I go through Hannah’s exact situation all the time, and I even forgot my social security card for identification at home and argued with my mom while driving back to get it. Unfortunately, I only hope I’ve gotten better at keeping my mouth shut or that I will in the future. Props to Hannah anyway!
Oh, and despite being really sad, I thought the House finale was good.
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